LOVE THE SINNER GIRL

ENDLESS MISTAKES

I held my breath as I thought about what had happened. My world is slowly collapsing right in front of me. I've experienced a lot. A lot I think the pain will just go away like before. I think love is enough. Apparently not. Love can cause a lot of pain, worry, fear, anger, hate. Some people will show us how to be loved as much as we want to be loved. The attention we seek from someone. The spark we all dream of. But sometimes, someone is the wrong person. Ironical.

He's a sinner. I'm a sinner. We are sinners. We all do sinful things.

...ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ...

I love it when he's buried deep inside me. It feels amazingly good. She's amazing, I think this is why women always come to her to take her to her bed. He doesn't lie when he says he's a nice guy. When I feel it myself, I know it.

The smell of alcohol may have stuck to my skin. I have purple marks around my thighs, he sucks and bites every inch of my skin there. He was not too different when drunk, still a teaser. It was just that he became a much hotter man. I like to be rough. I love it when our skin slaps each other. Feels good. So good, my eyes were spinning, my toes were curling, my lips and every muscle were shaking.

I've never made love in a car. It's narrow and not free, but fun. One of my legs was on his shoulder and his hands were behind my thighs. I kept moaning as he kept pushing, hard, so hard that this big car swayed.

“Damn Jen! You are so delicious!” He groans. The push was quick and deep. He knows how

fun ways. I could feel my whole body trembling, as he snorted before spitting out his liquid within me. He doesn't wear a shield, it feels warm. I don't know why I allowed him to do it without safety. I just need to take a pregnancy preventer, right?.

Daniel collapsed on top of me, I was a little complaining because of his weight. He apologized, then flipped my body until I I was on it. His chest was up and down, his breathing was heavy.

His arm was the next thing I felt. He drew me closer to him. I put my head on his chest. The smell of the perfume mixed with alcohol is so addictive. That calms me.

“Sorry, I forgot not to use safety.” Daniel said as he stroked my back. “It's okay, I'll take a pregnancy-preventing pill.”

Daniel laughed suddenly, I saw him confused. “Why are you laughing?”

He looked at me, a short peek at my lips. “I really don't like fighting women with a friend. But now I'm fucking my friend's boyfriend. It's crazy.”

“You're sorry?” I was sad to hear his words. Daniel hugged me tightly, kissed me on my forehead. “No, I have no regrets. It's just that I don't feel like this is me. I risked my friendship for you.”

“You've betrayed your friend since you helped me retrieve Ruby's important files. You've been risking your friendship ever since.” I poked his chest softly with my thumb.

Daniel laughs. “True, I risked everything for you. I think you really should stop here. You will hurt yourself.” I didn't answer. It was strange because he sounded concerned about me, his words were like Lucas.

...****************...

“Good morning!” I greeted Ruby as she entered my kitchen. He sat on one of the dining table chairs. He looks dizzy. “I make drunk soup. Eat before you go.” Ruby stretched out her hand, asked me to come up to her and I did. I sat on her lap as she placed her forehead on my shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of me. Did I trouble you last night?”

“Sama-sama, and no. You don't bother me, I just take off your shoes and tie, then I come to bed with you,” I lied of course. Wrapped my arms around her neck, playing her fine brown hair. It smells like vanilla, shampoku, he's been bathing.

Ruby remained silent. Maybe the side effects of alcohol appear. He lifted his head and smiled at me. “Sorry, I have a bad headache. I'm glad you're here with me.” “I care about you. I want you to know it.”

Ruby's eyes looked into my eyes before giving me a shy smile. His hand rested on my waist and squeezed it. He leaned over to kiss my cheek. “Thank you. I wish I could repay you more. Sorry if I can't.”

I stood up and put a bowl of soup on the table. Give him a spoon so he can eat. “Eat while it's still hot, and stop thinking about it. I know I'm just someone else and I know our limitations. Now eat, before your wife starts looking for you.”

I saw him eat the soup I prepared. He kept praising how it felt. I'm enjoying cooking for Ruby. My old way of getting his attention has now turned into a habit. I realized, it seems I was just his choice.

“Can you save the 16th of next month for me?” I asked as we headed for the elevator.

“Lang my year.”

Ruby gave me a big smile before landing a kiss on my lips. “Of course! I'm yours on your birthday! I'll put it in my calendar.”

Looping my arms around her waist, for the past 7 years, I've always celebrated alone or with Lucas. Lucas special but as ‘family’. Ruby is different, she's the other half. Even though I was only a quarter in his heart.

“Thank you. Please careful. See you at the office,” we kiss once again.

“Bye.”

...****************...

RUBY

I sat on the edge of the bed watched by Ketrin, taking off my shoes and socks. “Do you enjoy your night?” Ketrin asked still watching me as I started undressing. My head still throbbed from being drunk. I rarely drink much.

“Yes. Daniel's always been a best friend, we had fun. How about you?” I looked at him and he smiled. Walk towards me and wrap his hands around my body. “Jenny is a fun shopping friend. Of course I enjoy it.” I nodded and kissed her forehead. My mind raced. I needed to close my eyes, but every time I did, Jenny's shadow appeared.

I felt Ketrin's arms loosening at my waist.” I asked the waiter to cook for you. Also, just to tell you, I enrolled in cooking school so I could cook for you every day.”

My eyes are wide open to hear it. He said something I wish he had said a long time ago. “And what made you decide to learn to cook?” Ketrin turned her back to me and sat on the edge of the bed with her distinctive eye smile.

“I know you want me to cook for you, but I can't because my mother failed to teach me and I'm not interested. Sean told me that Jenny always brought her own food for you. Irene also told me that a wife should at least know how to cook a dish or two for her family. My flaws. I feel neglected with my responsibilities as a wife and a mother. I realized that I should pay more attention to your needs and the children. That's why I signed up. I want to do it for you."

I was silent after hearing that. I think my hangover just disappeared in an instant. Too many questions popping up in my head, why just now? Why after twenty years?

“Salma also cooks for me. After twenty years, you only realize it now?” Ketrin was surprised by my question. Maybe, more because of my tone. I know, I sound confused and less happy. But this is very sudden.

“Are you unhappy? I mean, I thought you'd be happy to hear that. I didn't mean anything by that. I just want to learn. I'm glad the good people around you cook and care about you. But at the same time, it made me feel useless. Please don't misunderstand me. My intention is positive.”

Eyes begging. I haven't seen him sad for a long time and it just makes me feel guilty.

He tried and tried to be a good wife. I appreciate that, but at the same time, I feel like it's a little late.

I pulled him and hugged him. I kissed her forehead, “Sorry, I know I sound rude. I appreciate your good intentions. I was confused as to why suddenly. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm glad you want to learn and I'm looking forward to the food you will prepare.” Ketrin smiles. He leaned his head against my chest and I heard him sigh.

“To be honest, when Sean told me that Jenny often brought you food, I started to feel insecure. I know I have a lot of flaws. Not only in cooking, in taking care of you and our children, but also in bed. I have had a low se*ks boost for years now and I don't understand why. Excuse me. I want to be a good wife but it feels like I failed.”

I could feel a burden in his voice and it felt like something was squeezing my heart. I knew

his flaws shouldn't be a reason for me to cheat. But I can't help myself not looking for his flaws from others. “Please don't say that. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I know sometimes I'm insensitive and demanding. Sorry, and please there is no reason to feel insecure. Jenny is my assistant. I was happy and satisfied because of his work. I hope you understand.”

“Thank you for understanding, and I'm glad you liked me signing up for cooking class. I can't wait to be able to cook for you.” Kissing her, I don't close my eyes. It's weird, I can't understand how I feel. My heart was broken in confusion. I love Ketrin of course, but at the same time I don't want to lose Jenny.

“Let's have a family dinner on Friday?” Ketrin smiled and I couldn't ignore it. I nodded before hugging her again, “Sure.”