LOVE THE SINNER GIRL

RUBY

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it enlarges the future

Five Years Later

Ruby

Weddings.

A lifetime commitment. Getting married means growing up with the man or woman you choose to marry. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Just by mentioning that, it is better to choose the right person to marry and decide if you really want to be with that person. And carefully.

When I was young and in a relationship, I thought this person was the one I wanted to marry. I want her to be the one to spend my life with him. I can't imagine a day without him. I guess that's a normal thought especially when you're young. But as I get older, my way of thinking changes. And as we get older, we start to question ourselves, why didn't I realize these things earlier? And through that, we learn.

Five years ago, I realized a lot. About love, marriage, being a father, and being happy. But before I knew it, I thought I was quite experienced. I think I'm old enough and already know everything. But I was wrong.

Five years ago, I finally asked myself, what is marriage? Is this really needed? What's this for? Is that necessary? Until now, I wasn't sure how to answer all those questions. There are days when my mind says that. There are days when not.

Ketrin and I are trying to save our marriage. I mean, we've been together for over twenty years. The happy years we have lived are enough for us to say, why don't we try again?

It may also be because of our strong desire to have a whole family for our children. It wasn't easy. There are days when everything feels so dark and empty. When Irene we found out what happened, I saw the destruction in her eyes. I can feel his disappointment. And worst of all, his anger.

Irene took everything in a very calm manner. Something I didn't expect from him. I guess I judged him too early. Even though he admitted to being disappointed because I cheated on him, he told me that he forgave me. I guess that's enough.

But his anger against Ketrin lasted for months. It was not easy for him to accept. He feels betrayed. He could not understand the reason why Ketrin had to keep Leo away from his father. He thought it was a bad thing to do. We understand where the anger comes from. And we let him think about it.

Leos. He was the most injured. She's confused. Maybe because he was young, at first, he said that I was his only father and he didn't want anything else. But after some explanation, comfort, and love, he finally understood and comfortably called the father to his biological father. We always make video calls. I'm so happy he looks healthy and happy there with his dad. She also often said that she missed me, Ketrin and her sister Irene.

Our main focus is Irene and Leo. I'm happy that even though Leo is far from us, Daniel is very cooperative in helping with the development of Leo and us. He even paid a good child psychologist specifically for Leo there. We are watching the progress of our children. They learn that anger is okay. It's okay to feel sad sometimes. Bad feelings are normal. Counseling has helped them a lot. They learn how to handle their anger, sadness, and bad feelings. They learn to accept what is happening in our family and, prepare for our future decisions. And then, forgiveness followed.

But for Ketrin and me, it didn't work. There were nights when I woke up hearing him cry. He told me that he could not continue with the thought that I was in contact with someone other than him. He kept apologizing to me. Telling me that she had no right to feel that way when she made the same mistake years ago. Although it makes me feel guilty, I am also human, and I feel the same way.

There are nights when I can't sleep, there were times when I couldn't concentrate at work because the thought of Ketrin fooled me and my children over the years kept repeating inside my head. And it hurts when our mistakes prevent us from getting angry or feeling betrayed. Because once we mention our anger, our worries, our fears, our disappointments, we will throw at each other the mistakes we made. And it continued for months. We are finally getting hurt. And that's when we realized, we weren't ready to forgive each other.

When you cheat, you only see kindness in the people you cheated on. And will only see the shortcomings of your partner. You always tend to compare. You always find fault in his actions but will never realize that what you did was wrong in the first place. When you think your partner has a deficiency, communication is very important. Cheating will never be a solution. Cheating should not be an option for your partner to realize his shortcomings.

There is no perfect relationship. Especially weddings? When you talk to a counselor, even with a friend when you ask for advice, everything they say sounds ideal. At that time, we were reminded that only we knew our situation and we could tell if things were not well anymore. If togetherness will only create an environment that is toxic not only to us but also to our children.

Ketrin and I decided to stay away for a few months. To check what we are going to feel. Ketrin said after a few weeks alone, she could sleep better. Although it didn't sound good, I also slept better. We try our best to improve our relationship and maintain the integrity of our family. We did try. But I guess we failed. And we finally got divorced.

We talked to our children and were surprised by their reaction. They tell us that being complete does not mean we are happy. Being complete will not give us the peace of mind we seek. And no matter how hard we try, if we just stick around because of them, we will never find happiness. They tell us they want us to be happy too. And with that certainty, Ketrin and I decided that yes, let us part ways and let time and destiny take us to the right place. Maybe, if we really have each other, only time knows.

Recently, we met and she seemed happy. Really, time heals. Now it's easy for us to talk about our past. And she shared, that she was also dating someone. We told each other that maybe, if we didn't decide to split, we would just hate each other even more. Maybe we're not as close now. I know not everyone who gets married and gets divorced ends up making friends, but we do.

I think forgiveness is the answer to that. We do not forgive because we are forced. What's more special about that is that we make things slow. And slowly, we just realized that the pain in the past does not bother us anymore. And that's when we knew we forgave each other.

Besides, we have Irene and Leo. Even if we are not together anymore, there is still something that connects us. And they are the most important people in our lives. And our kids are happier now.

We were just celebrating Irene's graduation as a dentist and Daniel just called me to tell me that Leo is ranked first in his class. I'm glad, a bad incident to our family, doesn't become an obstacle for our children to be good and happy.

I guess, at this point, I'm really grateful for life. Maybe someone will judge, I am a pathetic person. But, in fact, I was happy and very happy when I was able to accept all the pain, all the reality, and learn on every single thing that happened. I live quietly when there is no more hatred.