Love In Butterfly Needles

Perpetual loss

Have you ever felt alone and truly yourself?

Like being in a soundproof room, locked and locked tightly trying hard to find a gap to get out.

Dena was in the crowd of people who attended Adrian's funeral that afternoon, but she felt alone there.

He was still sitting quietly in front of the still wet mound of earth, his gaze pushy. His eyes were not dry yet and his nose was still flushed.

" Adrian was calm there baby, he no longer felt any pain. You have to take it" Mother still rubbed Dena's shoulder.

Almost all the mourners had started to leave the cemetery at that time, all that was left was the family of Dena and Kak Radit and Mas Adam who helped the funeral procession a lot today.

Dena was a little calmer at Adrian's funeral, but not a single word was spoken from her lips.

Before Adrian's stiff body in the cafeteria, he had kissed the man he loved very long and then let little Noah kiss his father for the last time.

Everyone present at the time also shed tears when Noah was even engrossed in playing a beard on Adrian's chin, the little baby thought his papa was just asleep. He patted Adrian's cold face, asking him to laugh as he always did. But still his papa did not budge, the stiff body smiled in his long sleep.

" Let's go home" Adam now sits next to Dena.

He had promised Adrian at the end of his life to look after Dena and Noah. Although actually without Adrian asking for anything, all this time Mas Adam always tried to keep Dena from afar.

Dena shook her head.

" I want to be here, accompanying my husband. She must be cold tonight, she needs my hug", this time Dena is willing to make a sound even though slowly.

Adam understood how hard this was for Dena.

" Pity Noah if you want to stay here, Noah must be looking for you. He has lost Adrian, do not make him feel lost his mother too", Mas Adam tried to seduce Dena to come home with Noah's excuse.

" Why does Adrian have to leave so soon? And I still want to fill the last chapter of my story with a word of thanks for the long story in his very short life".

Adam breathed a long sigh, wanting to hug the woman beside him who was now very fragile.

" Because God knew Adrian was a good man, God longed for him and wanted to quickly meet Adrian in heaven. Trust me, Adrian is now happy in God's heaven".

" He would be sad to see you weak and cry like this. Doesn't he want you to look after Noah?".

" Come with me and your family home" Adam whispered in Dena's ear.

The whisper of cold air stroked the clump of frangipani trees, warming the afternoon sky that had begun to orange.

Dena was just silent, holding the yellow ground on the mound of the tomb. Adam pulls Dena's hand, Mother and the others believe this man can calm Dena.

Dena finally wanted to get up from her seat, once again before standing up she stroked the wooden headstone that was stuck on the ground.

" Dear, I'm home. I promise I'll be here again tomorrow with Noah", this time it sounds heavy. She still wanted to cry, but her tears seemed to have dried up.

Dena stepped slowly, following Mas Adam who was still holding his hand leading out of the burial area.

Arriving home, Dena immediately locked herself in the room. Noah was already asleep with his nanny.

" Mom, I'm going home. Let me know if you need any help", Mas Adam said goodbye to Mom and Dad.

" Mom who thanks Nak Adam a lot for helping us a lot. I ask for help often come here to watch over Dena", Mother's request is not without reason. Adrian himself who mandated it, his looks Dena also only a little obedient with the words of Mas Adam.

Adam nodded, he came home tired and mixed in taste.

He remembered his promise to Adrian, I don't know in what way he had to take care of the two men who were precious to the now-defunct man.

****

At night in the room she now only inhabited alone, Dena looked at the sky of the room trying to find the shade of her husband's face.

On the left wall, he felt the poem he had knitted for Adrian. In the wind of his window, he tried to find his usual breath ringing beside him. But he didn't find it anymore.

Dena can only hug the last clothes worn Adrian, he smelled the distinctive fragrance of men who often smelled it.

Not one day he was abandoned, but his longing was no longer pendam. Dena just cried again and again, then fell asleep because of her tired eyes.

He woke up, opened his eyes at midnight. Looking, fingering, checking the chest contents.

Her husband's name still exists, but now only one name remains.

Dena tried to close her eyes again, she was too nurturing a shadow. Loves memories too much, when they have lost.

*****

Dena opened her eyes when the morning sun began to force its way through the lattice of her bedroom window. This morning she woke up with a new status, a single parent.

Mbok Nah had prepared breakfast for Dena that morning in her room. Mom's approaching her daughter, and she's gonna be staying here with Dena for a while.

" Let's finish your breakfast, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday" Mother said.

Dena shook her head.

" Adrian must be hungry ma'am, prepare food for Adrian, I'll drop him off", Dena spoke but her thoughts and gaze went nowhere.

" Dena, wakey.. Adrian is not in this world anymore, do not make yourself hallucinate", Mother's speech sounds high, he knows he can not be as patient as Adam to face the behavior of Dena.

" no.... Adrian is still in this world, no one can take him", Dena yells at throwing what she can reach with her hands like an infidelity person.

Mother called Mbok Nah, asking for help the old woman held Dena's hand.

Mom and Mbok Nah distress makes Dena stop raging. But finally they managed to also calm Dena because her strength weakened due to not eating from yesterday to make her weak.

The mother looks pity and concern looking at her daughter with random hair and a dirty face with tears that have dried up. His mental state is so labile, he can change at any time. Sometimes it looks calm as if it can accept reality, but sometimes re-shaken to act horrible.

Mom took her cell phone, intending to ask for Mas Adam's help. Because I'm sure only that man can currently be relied upon.

" Good morning, son Adam, sorry to interrupt so early" Mother said.

" Morning Mom, it's okay. I don't feel disturbed. How's Dena ma'am doing?".

" That's Adam's son, I called because I wanted Adam's son to come home this morning. Dena just went berserk uncontrollable, she hasn't eaten at all since yesterday. I'm worried she's getting sick".

" Hhmmm, well ma'am, I'll be there. Now let Dena do what she wants, I'm watching. Don't force him".

" Good son Adam, thank you again we are troublesome" said Mother felt bad.

" It's my duty, Mom".

Adam never objected to this new task, his promise to Adrian will always be kept.

Mother felt a little relieved, staring at the silent Dena sitting in the corner of the bed hugging her knees like a frightened person. At least he didn't scream and rampage like that.

Dena has lost, lost the heart that loved her.

...----------------...

Heavy also yes living a destiny like Dena, just happy because of the new kidney he has. But now must swallow the reality left by a soulmate who is very dear to him.

How did Adam fulfill his promise to keep Dena and Noah?

Will Dena easily replace Adrian with Mas Adam?

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