I want to Find Him

THE CHAPTER 34

Rain stared at me. As if I wanted to do something to make our destiny change. I also let go of Brother Fatha's embrace and faced her.

"Tomorrow, brother. The day is getting late, soon the boutique will be closed." I said looking for an excuse to reject the invitation of Brother Fatha. "At some point I'm sleepy" I continued.

Brother Fatha was silent for a few seconds staring at me. Then he smiled too.

"Yes, if Hany is sleepy Brother won't force Hany." He looked towards Carsy. "Other days we go, yeah, Carsy." Carsy smiled and nodded.

I turned back to Rain. He looks gloriously. Seeing Rain's calm expression, I also felt calm. I don't know what's on my mind right now. Why am I not so excited to talk about my engagement to Brother Fatha.

After finishing shopping, we went home because of the reason I was sleepy earlier. When in the car, Fatha grabbed my hand while driving.

I also glanced at Rain who was in the back seat of the rearview mirror. His face looks unhappy looking at us. I immediately withdrew my hand from the grasp of Brother Fatha. Sister Fatha turned her head towards me with a question mark full expression.

"Son't have to focus on the drive, it's night, you know. What if something suddenly comes up from the front?" My alibi to make Brother Fatha unsuspecting.

"Haha.. Hany.. Hany.." said. "What will appear in front of us?" asked Brother Fatha in between her rarity.

"Anything, Brother. It could be like the ones in the movies." I looked back, "All right, Carsy? In Thailand there must be a scary scene on the road, right?" ask Carsy who's sitting next to Rain.

Carsy laughed, "Come on Hany. I rarely watch horror movies." she replied.

"You want to watch an Indonesian horror movie, don't you?"

It wasn't me asking, but Rain. Carsy turned to Rain and smiled. "Well, Rain!" enthusiastic response.

"Alright, then we'll watch tomorrow dear." Rain embraces Carsy, which makes her smile even more.

I who saw the romance of a couple of husband and wife was immediately swallowed saliva. It turns out Rain can also be romantic with Carsy. Carsy says Rain doesn't love her at all. Has Rain started loving Carsy? But if so why is he still after me?

I feel dizzy because I think too much also immediately submerge myself in the back of the car seat. Closing my eyes trying to ignore the conversation of a husband and wife who sounded exciting behind me. I don't know, I can say I'm probably jealous.

"You don't have any intention of having children yet, do you?"

The question that was thrown from the mouth of Brother Fatha managed to make me open my eyes wide instantly. Of all the many questions why should it be?

I glanced at Rain and Carsy who were suddenly silent for a moment. Carsy looks like she's turning her face towards the windshield. As if reluctant to answer the two people just fell silent back there.

"Sister.. They also recently got married. And if Carsy's sick, maybe they're still putting the program on hold, aren't they, Carsy?" My timpalku to fix the mood.

"Ehe-yes, Han." replied Carsy clumsily.

Brother Fatha also has a small sign of assuring.

It did not feel we had arrived in front of the house of Bu Mega. Rain and Carsy came out with their groceries. While I was still sitting in the car with Sister Fatha.

"You're so pretty tonight, Han." Brother Fatha said very softly.

I smiled, "Please, Brother."

Brother Fatha was looking at me, and so was I who was looking at her. He touched my left cheek and stroked it.

"Thank you Han, already present in Big Brother's life."

I just smiled and nodded as a sign of response. There are no words I would like to express to Brother Fatha at this time. It feels so different than before. Right now it's like there's a heart I need to take care of even if it's not mine.

Brother Fatha stroked my jaw which made me standby. He cut the distance between us and brought his face closer to mine. I immediately turned to the other direction trying to avoid what would happen next. The movement of Brother Fatha was immediately stopped.

"Why Hany?" asked Brother Fatha who sounded disappointed.

"Father, Brother." I also breathed the breath that I had been holding in my nose.

Brother Fatha also distanced his hands from my face and returned to his position while driving. From the look on his face I made sure he was very disappointed. His hand that grasped the steering wheel was very strong indicating he wanted to get angry.

I felt sorry to see him, but there was nothing I could do. There's no way I'm forcing myself to do that whereas I don't want to. My heart seemed untouched when Brother Fatha did it. It did not feel the same as when with Rain at that time.

Without asking for permission from Brother Fatha I got out of the car. I think I need some fresh air to get the oxygen in my brain running smoothly. Immediately I ran into the house without looking back.

I ran to my room past Rain and Carsy who were probably in awe. I locked the door to the room when I was in the room and cried behind the door while sitting weakly.

I feel like I'm not right. Rejecting my partner and loving someone's husband is the worst thing. I want to demand an unfair destiny from me. Why is there always a big barrier to happiness.

I heard Rain calling my name from behind the door. He knocked on my door in a panic. His tone sounded very worried out there. However, I have no intention of opening it.

I was lying on the bed ignoring the sound of the door being knocked violently. I grab the cell phone and earphones from inside the bag-contribute the earphones into the ear-holes turning on the music.

Only music is heard now. Although the music could not distract my troubled mind, they could make me not hear Rain screaming behind the door.

I turned off my cell phone card so no one spammed me. I'm really alone right now. I want to take my fucked-up mind off of shackled feelings. Trying to think clearly about choosing a choice.

For almost two hours I kept silent while staring at the ceiling of my room. The song that had been playing a few songs that had not entered my brain at all. The sound of the music is the same as when the teacher says it goes into the right ear and out into the left ear. Just passing through. Our minds are somewhere.

I was breathing rough when I was tired of thinking. Removing the earphones from my ear and turning off the music on the phone. There was no sound from Rain. Maybe he was tired and sleeping.

After being silent for a few hours, I made my decision. I will try to round out my intentions and resolve for the sake of my future happiness. I decided to stick to the original plan. And the first thing I have to do is get out of this house.

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