I want to Find Him

CHAPTRE 28

I opened my eyes slowly. Expressed it. Trying to neutralize my sight that still looks blurry. My head still feels a little heavy. However, it didn't hurt last night.

I looked at the window that displayed a beautiful view of dawn. The sound of waves hitting the beach and the chirping of seagulls was clearly heard from behind the glass window. I realized that dawn was running out.

I also tried to get up from my bed. However, I felt something holding my right hand. I also looked in the opposite direction. And found the figure of Rain sleeping on the side of the bed with a hand that grasped my hand. I also tried to be careful when releasing my hand from Rain's grasp. I don't want to wake up that tired looking man. I don't know what happened last night, I don't know. But I can make sure I've troubled Rain.

I also left Rain who was still asleep. Before leaving I had covered Rain so as not to get cold. Because the atmosphere of this place is very cold in the morning. Now I intend to pray, even though I know it's quite late. But it's better to do it than not at all.

After I finished praying, I went to dry our wet clothes yesterday. Because the clothes are a bit dry, so I can make sure that later in the day can be used. Looking at the weather in this place that was so sunny, I was sure of my forecast.

A gust of wind made the dress I was wearing bulge. The wind was so strong that it could also make my hair wave in the air. I'm not wearing a hijab right now. More precisely since last night. Now I'm wearing Bu Mega's Rain's clothes. And about the hijab, Bu Mega does not keep the hijab and mine is still basic. So, I'm not wearing it. There are no people here either. It's just me and Rain.

Speaking of where I am now. Now I'm at the Rain family's villa. After yesterday's rain, Rain took me to this place. I don't know why I didn't resist when Rain asked me to run away like this. In fact, I forgot how frustrated Nora was that I didn't tell from yesterday.

I breathe fresh air that calms my mind. This place is amazing. A villa in the middle of the island is a very good idea. Even this place can be said to be the paradise of freedom.

After enjoying the fresh air of the beach, I chose to go inside the house to make food. Yesterday I saw Rain buying food for us to cook. Since he is still sleeping, it would be better for me to make breakfast for him.

I started my act by washing some of the groceries I found in the fridge. I don't know when Rain put it there, I don't know. What is clear in the refrigerator is already tomatoes, carrots, eggs, rice, soy sauce, and some cut chicken packaging. All those ingredients made me think straight away, what should I cook. And fried rice instantly popped into my brain.

I really enjoyed the cold water that pooled inside the rice washing container. It feels very fresh. I so lived the cold water while occasionally playing the rice in it. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like an SD kid playing cooking. I honestly haven't cooked by myself in a long time.

As I was painstakingly cleaning the rice, I suddenly felt someone hugging me from behind. My hand stopped from its activities. I think it's because of the shock effect. I could feel Rain's chin that he had pinned on my shoulder. And his warm breath tickled my ears.

"Why not wake me up?" Asked Rain in a soft voice.

I'm a little nervous because of our current situation. It took me a while to answer Rain's question.

"I can't wake you up. You look very tired" I replied.

"Hem? Really true?"

Rain also tightened his embrace on my waist. That makes me really not able to run away from there. Even my body felt frozen in that place. My hand was just quietly submerged in that already murky rice water.

I don't know what to do now. My body felt weak in the warm rain. As for Rain, he seemed to be enjoying this gap without wanting to let go. What am I supposed to do?

"W-Did I trouble you last night? Didn't you sleep?" I asked with a still nervous tone.

There was no response from Rain. However, I could feel that he had already lifted his chin from my shoulder. Then, next he released a circle of his hands on my waist. This can make me a little more relaxed.

Rain put his hand into the rice washing container, then held my hand and played it in the water. Our hands move to form a rotation and are followed by rice grains carried by water. Then, Rain filtered the rice with his palm and threw away the remaining water in the container.

After that, he grabbed my shoulders and turned me over slowly. I can only move while bowing. I don't know why since yesterday's meeting I feel like a helpless person. I can only stand by what Rain did.

I raised my head to look into Rain's eyes looking at me. Then, he smiled gently while holding my forehead.

"Is your head still hurting? You had a fever last night. Your body is very hot and you are shivering" Rain said.

I just found out I had a really bad fever last night. That's why he was there. Caring for.

"So you didn't sleep last night for taking care of me?"

Instead of answering the question, I threw the question back. Rain nodded his mark.

Now I'm right to feel guilty for troubling Rain. "I'm sorry for being such a hassle.."

"At least now we're even." Rain smiled too thinly. I don't understand at all. "Thank you for giving me great memories." She smiled even wider, making her look so charming.

I just stared at him expressionlessly. Why is this man always blurting sweet words since yesterday. Doesn't he realize he belongs to someone else. So will I who will soon be the possession of Brother Fatha.

"Don't think of anyone else. Just think about yourself for now. At least just for today." He spoke as if he understood what I was thinking.

"But, Rain-"

"I beg you, just for today. Please make my dream come true. I love you so much, Hany."

Rain looked at me meaningfully. He looks very sincere. And I could not bear to refuse his wish. Moreover, this is also desired by me.

Forgive me and Rain, God.. We don't mean to let those who love us down. But, as Rain said, we only make memories that we can remember.

I smiled and nodded too. Rain smiled and immediately hugged me. I also returned her warm embrace. Then, after a while we let go of each other's embrace.

Rain helped me make food. We cooked the fried rice as I had planned. I didn't expect Rain to be more skilled at cooking. In fact, he made almost 75% of our food.

After the food was cooked, we started our breakfast. Rain who had sat down at the dining table continued to groan in hunger. Sometimes she whines like a toddler asking her mother for milk. I know he's just trying to look funny. But it's so annoying.

I came up with a tray of two dishes of fried rice and two glasses of orange juice. An impatient Rain immediately grabbed his plate. I just smiled looking at her behavior that still looked like a child. And I think she still looks as funny as ever.

"Wow! My fried rice is very tasty," Rain said suddenly.

"Eh, that's what I made" I said.

"But it's delicious because of the spices I mix."

"But we used a versatile spice. No, you're the one with the spice."

"Yahh, you don't know if I was making special seasonings."

"Well, is there? How can I not see."

"It's a different spice. The spice's just between the two of us."

"Yeah.. I really thought. It just wants to fight."

Rain laughed at seeing me being taken seriously since then. I also returned to bribe my food without caring for Rain who looked so satisfied. How could he be like a high school teenager for a moment?

"Rain, I love you."

I don't know why that line came out of my lips all of a sudden. I turned towards Rain who looked surprised looking at me. I knew this would surprise him. But to be honest, I was surprised. How can my heart be so honest with him.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

Rain turned his gaze towards the vast ocean in front of him. I don't know why he looks so calm. His eyes look a little teary. And his breathing sounded a bit irregular. I thought she was holding herself back from crying.

I turned my eyes back to the sea. Stare at the tinge of red that began to appear in the sky that afternoon. The strong wind made me cold. I hugged my body so I could get a little warmer. No sound was heard except the sound of the waves. And faintly the sound of seagulls was ringing. This atmosphere was so soothing to my heart. And I want to stay here forever.

"Why now, Han? Why not that day?"

I turned back to Rain who was still looking ahead.

"What do you mean?" I'm confused.

"If you had not accepted Fatha that day we would not have been like this. You must be mine now. And I will experience like today every day."

I lowered my head after hearing Rain's words. Actually it was just a misunderstanding. I did not accept Brother Fatha at that time. And you already know that. Rain did not know it. He must have been very upset at the time.

"I'm sorry Rain, I shouldn't have accepted Brother Fatha's gift. I swear, you have misrespected. I did not at all accept Brother Fatha that day. You misunderstood Rain, "i.e., obviously.

Rain rubbed his face for a moment. It was obvious on his face that he was suddenly frustrated. "I'm sorry, Han." She hugged me tightly, and gently rubbed my hair. I can hear that she is crying. I rubbed his back slowly, trying to calm him down.

"It's okay. I know that you were so fucked up."

Rain sounds clearer. His shoulders felt up and down and his breathing was irregular. I can understand how he feels. Even now my eyes are holding back tears.

"If we can turn back the clock, let's start everything from scratch. I'll be by your side for now, later, and so on."

...----------------...

The sky still looked a little bright. However, the sun had already sunk completely. I just finished praying magrib. And now I'm at the beach to enjoy the sunset.

I just prayed, asking God for guidance on my future. Is this my destiny, or just a cradle for a moment to make memories. I hope I get an answer soon.

Suddenly Rain appeared beside me. He also put his right hand on my shoulder. I also put my head on his shoulder. We also enjoyed the amazing view in front of us.

"Rain don't you want to go home? Your mother misses you so much."

Rain looked at me. I saw her eyes that were so anxious after I mentioned her mother. His face looked sad again. He can't lie anymore. She misses her mother very much.

"Bu Mega is fine physically. However, his soul is so tormented that he thinks of you. Not just him, we all."

Rain looks very sad. His face looks so moody. There are regrets visible there. Hatred, longing, all mixed up in his brain.

"Rain what happened to their story. Why do they make you tormented?"

I'm trying to talk about Rain's problems. I know it's actually open to my business, but I've been involved and I have to sort out this piece of the matter.

"You know, different things will never be the same." Rain began to raise his voice. "That's what happened to my mom and dad."

I try to read the story carefully.

"My father was a descendant of a family. He was the first child and inherited part of his father's estate. As for my mother, she was just an orphan living in a village far from her hometown."

Instantly I can assume about what happened with that love story.

"My mother is from Aceh and has been traveling with her aunt since high school. They lived in a province where it produced spices. In addition, there is the largest place of followers of Islam in Thailand. After a long period of work, my mother felt comfortable there. Until he got word that his only family, my grandmother, died of illness. And my mother decided to stay in Thailand forever."

"One day my father came to the village where my mother lived. He was there looking for groceries for the restaurant he had just opened. However, their meeting made them fall in love with each other. As time passed, they also met often, and in the end my father proposed to my mother. But of course, my mother refused. Because I know that they are different, both in background and belief. And in the end they split up for a while."

"Nearly four years they are not related to each other. My mother has completed her college education in Aceh because she got a scholarship. He returned to Thailand to visit relatives he had not seen for a long time. And then, he accidentally met my father again. My father said that he had learned about Islam and had become a convert. My father proposed to her and took her to his family home. Family members of course refused. Because they thought my mother was an invisible girl and didn't know her origin. My father insisted on marrying my mother. They lived happily under the pressure of my father's family. Until I was born, our family still looks happy."

"However, which heart can be hardened if almost every day in swipe with sharp words. For years my mother tried to hold on until her patience ran out. When I was a kid, they decided to split up. And after that my mother decided to take me back to Indonesia."

I'm very concerned about the Rain family story. I didn't expect that the souls of these people would be so tormented. Added to that by me who always hated Bu Mega because I thought he had taken my Grandpa. If I had known he had suffered, I would not have done that to him.

Unknowingly my tears flowed. I was so touched by that story. And besides, I'm reminded of the cruelty I once committed to Bu Mega. I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry.

Rain wiped away my tears with his thumb. Then he held my cheeks and said, "I don't want my story to be like theirs. Will you make my life happy?"

I nodded instantly too. I looked into Rain's brown eyes. It was as if he wanted to sink into that gentle and meaningful gaze.

The sunlight had already disappeared in the sky. Leave the sky dark with stars that begin to appear one by one. And there was only me and the man who had managed to make me fall in love for the first time. That man is Rain. A man who has always been there for me from the past to the present.

"Han, will you marry me?"

The question that slid from Rain's lips instantly made my body tremble. My heart feels rhythmically beating. And my cheeks are starting to heat up.

Slowly Rain's face got closer to mine. Now the distance of our face is only about 5 centimeters. I can't stop looking at his handsome face. What's wrong with me?

Slowly Rain began to cut the distance between us. My heart is beating faster. Because I know what will happen after this. I closed my eyes slowly as I felt the heat of Rain's breath begin to clear in my face. However, I immediately saw two faces of people I knew very well. My hand pushed Rain until she took a few steps back.

"This is not true. It's wrong." I said in my breath that was stirring. The face I saw was that of Brother Fatha and Carsy. I almost forgot something very important. In reality, we can't be together.

"This is not true. It's wrong." I kept calling that phrase. And I think Rain has understood my thoughts. He looks frustrated. But, I don't care. Fortunately, I realized it before we went any further.

"Rain, I'm going home."

...----------------...