I want to Find Him

CHAPTRE 32

"Stop it.."

Rain stopped that exciting activity on my neck. Lifting his face from the neck that he had enjoyed. He looked at my face that had been soaked with tears. I don't know why I suddenly cried.

Rain also took a sitting position next to my body that looked weak. My face turned to the side staring at the wall not far from my sight. My tears grew louder as I felt Rain rubbing the clear hairs with her fingers.

"I'm sorry, Han.." He said like a sinful. But I just cried without making a sound.

Rain lay down beside me and pulled my body so that it could be on his deck. In Rain's arms I cried. I don't know what makes me sad the most. I think the world is unfair. It keeps me in good shape but I'm not okay.

Is it just because I don't feel grateful that I think the world isn't fair? Or is it my destiny that is not as good as others? Others can be with their loved ones for a long time. While I'm not.

"So, stop arguing with yourself. It's neither your fault nor anyone's fault. Just the groove is given like this." Rain rubbed my hair gently. "We don't know what's going to happen in the future. So don't bother thinking about it."

Rain's words just made me a little calm. Slowly my tears subsided. I stared at Rain who was also looking at me.

"Can we change destiny, Rain?" I was hoping to get the answer I wanted.

"We're working on it, Hany."

Rain dipped my head which gave me a sense of comfort and tranquility. I smuggled myself in the warmth of Rain's embrace trying to enjoy this momentum. Until my soul is carried to the subconscious that makes me feel more calm.

.

The beautiful dream began to be tangled by a faded look that made me wake up. I realized that I was alone in bed. Rain had left out of nowhere.

I grabbed the phone lying on the pillow, trying to see the clock. Already at 5:30 WIB, it means it is past dawn. I went to the bathroom to clean my body.

As the shower flushed against my body, I remembered what I had done last night. I remember the words we said. And that makes me very worried.

I want to be with Rain, but on the other hand we already have our own partners. So is it possible that we should be selfish and not think about others? Other than that, what we do is a sin. Probably one of the biggest sins we have committed.

I turned off the faucet and immediately prepared myself for the dawn prayer. I prayed for forgiveness and asked God for guidance so that I would know what to do. After my worship was done, I came out of the room.

When I came out of the room, the face I first caught was that of Carsy. He was sitting on the sofa in front of the television while enjoying the morning soap opera. I went to him who seemed to enjoy the show.

"Good morning, Carsy!" Say hello to me while smiling.

He was shocked and looked at me. "Eh, good morning too, Hany!" He also smiled at me. "You just woke up?"

"Yes, Cars. I woke up late." I said while scratching my nape that did not itch.

Carsy looked like she was looking at me with great purpose making me a little nervous about her behavior.

"A-What's up, Cars?" kikuk.

"It turns out you're very pretty, yes, when you're not wearing a hijab" said Carsy, who was amazed by my appearance.

"Ah, Carsy you could've." Answer me while laughing lightly.

After a few minutes of chatting, we decided to go to the kitchen to make breakfast for people at home. I taught Carsy to cook Indonesian cuisine at her request. We made fried rice as breakfast and some fried rice for as a snack.

When all the food was arranged at the dinner table, Carsy immediately called Rain and Bu Mega. Like last night I was sitting next to Bu Mega and Carsy was next to Rain.

I sometimes look at the couple. Carsy looks so painstakingly serving Rain at the dinner table. And so excited when asked Rain to taste the results of his cooking.

In between breakfast that morning, the two couples were also seen chatting with each other warmly regardless of us who were in front of him. A slight feeling of jealousy surfaced in my heart. Although I actually have no rights, but this feeling cannot be held. The breakfast really pissed me off.

...----------------...

I opened my laptop and checked my email inbox.

"Yes, Nor. It's been sent, here. I checked first. Bye bye.."

I also kept my phone away from my ears and immediately checked the file that Nora had just sent.

I checked one by one the results of the report so as not to find any errors. And after one by one I checked I called Nora again. But this time I just sent him a message.

I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I'm still thinking about last night. Why can I get carried away when I look into Rain's eyes. Is this what is called love?

"Are you done?"

The sound just now instantly made me reflexively wake up from my stew. The voice that became sensitive to hear made me think it was not funny.

"What are you doing here?" I asked cautiously.

"Why do you look scared of me, Han?" Asked Rain who looked sad.

I also tried to calm my mind. Right, I should have been acting normal. Forgetting what has happened is the only way to go right now.

"Sorry Rain. I didn't mean to" I said guiltily.

Rain smiled and approached me. He was sitting in the study chair he sat in last night.

"On last night.."

I paused for a moment because I was thinking what words I should say so as not to sound offensive to Rain.

"Hum?" Rain muttered with question marks.

Seeing Rain's expression as if nothing had happened between us made me not want to discuss the matter anymore. Maybe he thinks the same as me who wants to forget him.

"It's okay." My finals.

I also looked away with a wry smile. As if there was a feeling of not accepting in my heart because Rain had forgotten the beautiful but bitter memories they had.

"I heard next week you're getting engaged. Is that true?"

The question that came out of Rain's mouth seemed to interest me. I immediately turned to him with an astonished look. How did he know about the engagement. Though the information is only known by me, Brother Fatha, my family and the family of Brother Fatha.

"Fatha told me. He warned me not to bother you again. What do you think?"

Rain looked at me seriously as if he wanted a satisfactory answer. I was confused as to what to answer.

Actually the thing that Sister Fatha said has a point. However, on the other hand I also don't want to be away from Rain.

Rain approached me and held onto both shoulders while looking into my eyes with a hopeful look. I stared at the chocolate bar with mixed feelings.

"Cancel that engagement Hany!" Order Rain with great expectation.

...----------------...