Dew Heart Traces

Nature that Does not Restui

Tomorrow is my birthday, for the first time I asked Mas Danial to come. The request was as a birthday present. Because the distance of our residence is separated between two different areas so we can be spelled out rarely meet. I asked him to really take his time for me. There's something important I want to tell him.

It hasn't been a year since we were close to each other. The moment where Mas Danial started to approach me with a happy birthday to me.

I rented a private place so we could talk without anyone interrupting.

The next day I had prepared everything planned, just waiting for Mas Danial to come.

From the morning Mas Danial did not contact me, I began to worry if he could keep his promise to see me tonight. I started to get nervous waiting for him.

“Dek, I have fever”

Suddenly the message on my phone I read. I can't speak anymore to hear from Mas Danial. I was confused whether to be sad because he was sick or sad because for sure he would not be possible for me to come in a state of pain. I'm really fucked up, confused.

“Mas rest. Do not forget to take medicine.”

Those are the only words I can write in return. My hands began to tremble between not believing how deeply nature did not bless our love so much that we could not avoid it.

“I have to how, Deck. It's your birthday. But I have a fever like this.”

“Iya, Mas. I'm gapapa, really. Mas break aja.”

“I'm sorry, Dek. If later it has subsided the fever a little, I go directly there ya.”

“Do not, Mas. Don't force. I'm gapapa, really. Mas break aja.”

I have begun to be unable to hold back tears that will soon spill.

“Gak, Deck. Poor you've planned this far away. Doain I can be better, yes.”

“Already, Mas. Don't like that even later I actually become cry.”

“I'm sorry, Dek. I shouldn't be sick like this.”

And finally the final sentence of Mas Danial made my tears spill unstoppable again. It flows without me being able to control it.

Who can I blame for this? I'm hoping for too much with Mas Danial? Or Mas Danial who does not take care of his health when he already knows there will be an important event with me? Or does nature not bless our love that has been wrong?

I can only cry as much as I can while looking at the very beautiful table with such beautiful candles and fragrant floral scent.

Will our love journey really stop in this way? Because this is not what I planned. I want our trip to end beautifully tonight.

Dear Mas Dear

For a long time I thought about what I should write as my first sentence in this letter. I wrote this because I was worried that I would not be able to pronounce it smoothly and correctly if it was spoken directly.

Mas ... I won't bother you anymore, Mas came without me asking and Mas wants to leave too, I won't get in the way at all.

Bismillah, I'm studying hard.

I love you enough in silence and in my prayers

If God wants us to be united then it is good, if God wants us not to be united then it is also good.

This love I have accepted unconditionally, let time accompany me to be able to forget you or not. I am also sincere.

Right now I love you so much, that my tears don't stop flowing when I remember you.

Thank you for coming to me in my life. Forgive me for not being able to be the best in your life and heart.

Your happiness is that my prayers and hopes are sincere, even without me in them.

This incredible love gives the most beautiful knowledge in my life that is not always beautiful.

Your story will always be part of my story later even when it becomes a memory.

For a moment I never thought your love meant nothing, in my heart. Because it is so precious. Your sorrow is my sorrow, so remember me who always loves your tears.

There is nothing more beautiful than understanding love, always giving the best to all hearts even to the magic it brings.

Be happy always, may Allah protect and give your heart peace.

I love you ..very.

~Embun~

 

I opened the letter that I really wanted to give to Mas Danial tonight. Right, I decided to stop this journey, because Mas Danial would never be able to decide; because he might not have the heart to do that to me, although he actually knew our relationship would never be easy and would hurt us both more.

With him often ignoring me is already a signal to me, that our forbidden relationship is no longer able to continue. It's just that maybe he didn't have the heart to decide for himself.

It could be that I misinterpreted Mas Danial's attitude, but clearly my little heart said I had to stop this before Mas Danial further hurt me without him noticing. I want to remember his love with a smile, not with tears.

But what happened was that tonight ended in tears. Back again I haven't been able to capture what the universe wanted me to understand with this incident

“Dek, I'm cured, I'm now on my way to your place.”

I was so shocked to read Mas Danial's message, early in the morning after dawn. Without thinking anymore I rushed to find a comfortable place because it was impossible for Mas Danial to go home. At home there are many people.

“Mas we met at the cafe deket house, yes. Open 24 hours, I'll give you the full address.”

“Iya, Deck.”

A few hours later, we met at the place where we had agreed. We were silent for a moment because obviously last night was very uncomfortable. I'm sure my eyes still look damp, because I cried all night in my room until dawn. You could say you haven't slept since.

“Your eyes are puffy, Deck. You cried all night huh?”

I didn't answer Mas Danial's question because I was worried about spilling more tears that I didn't feel dry until this morning.

“Mas how is it?”

“I'm good, please answer my question don't divert.”

“Cockwise ,Mas. I didn't cry all night. It's just that my eyes are easily swollen despite crying bentar.” And I lied.

“I'm sorry, Dek. I shouldn't have been sick last night.”

“Don't say that, Mas. As if I objected to Mas's pain last night. As if I didn't accept.”

“Then I can what, Dek. I don't want to be sick either.”

I really hate hearing Mas Danial's words. Oh my confusion is really over his limit. What exactly made me so disappointed and sad last night? I didn't get the right answer.

However, Mas Danial's sentences confirmed that I was disappointed he was sick. Is it really like that? Was I so bad as a human being? So I don't allow the sick? No, it's not that!

I handed over the letter I wanted to give you last night without further ado.

“What is this?” He took.

While opening the letter, I noticed the details of Mas Danial's mimic for a moment as he read it seriously.

“What does this mean, Dek?” He finished reading the letter.

“What happened last night then you want us to end our relationship?”

I started crying again, shaking my head.

“Jawab me!” I heard Mas Danial's voice start to rise.