Dew Heart Traces

A Different Mood

I started to get busy with work. Although my heart always misses him, it is strange to be used to the attitude of Mas Danial who often ignored me all day. Her indifferent attitude did not change my feelings of love for her in the slightest. I've come to understand that love doesn't have to be forced the way we want it.

Even now I am ready to lose Mas Danial at any time. The pain that I will experience when that time comes may finally close the door of my heart to a love that is not mine.

“Dek, I've arrived at the hotel. Today will be very hectic so maybe I can't call you.”

“Yes, Mas gapapa. Keep the meal time, yes.”

“Still yes, Dek.”

Sometimes Mas Danial reported what he was doing, although short and no other stale bases like before. I just smiled reading his message, remembering how he used to be so intensely communicating. Even Mas Danial got me used to the news that is always detailed and inserted jokes, jokes that make my days always different.

A sense of happiness that I had never felt before, he was able to present in my life in a simple way. Once my side said that Mas Danial was the real villain in my love story. He who knew I had been hurt and had had a deep trauma, but he himself sowed salt on my wound without him noticing.

Fortunately he was present when I was growing up, my self who already understood more and more about love. Once so bad I found myself again crying with disappointment. But I can already control my emotions and heart not to linger in grief.

Let how happy I was to love her, she never really hurt me. That's why I can't hate him. Even his presence I consider as a gift of life.

My work increasingly requires me to be extra focused so for a moment I do not think too much about Mas Danial news. The distance we got further, I also ended up thinking that Mas Danial no longer needed my presence in his life.

I am determined to go back to living my life as I was before I was with him. That life does not always offer sweetness only, but also bitter which certainly teaches us many things.

“Hallooo .. Deck.”

The voice across was Mas Danial. His voice was a little heavy, I caught there was a shiver of sadness in his tone. My heart rages between longing and sadness.

“Iya, Mas.”

“What are you doing?”

“Again in the office as usual. Mas?”

“I'm again at home.” Her voice choked.

“The voice is like that, what is it?”

“I'm in a state of turmoil, Dek. My project is threatened with failure and I have to win a huge loss. I don't know what to do.”

Oh my God, is this what made him disappear for so long? I don't know, but she obviously needs me now. At least for all her grievances and tiredness that she probably couldn't tell anyone anymore so she called me.

“I should how, Deck? I'm scared and fucked.” His voice is getting heavy.

“Mas take a breath first. Then story in detail.”

He did what I asked and started telling me everything from the beginning. After telling it, I did know that there was no way out, other than taking risks.

“I know it's my fault, Dek, and I have to take responsibility. I also know I actually just need you to listen to my curses. I miss you so much.”

Oh Mas Danial, if only Mas were me then how could your heart be that hard on me. But I immediately threw away the feeling that would make me hurt?

“Mas already ate?” With a firm voice so as not to sound out of tears, I asked something that had nothing to do with the expression Mas Danial.

“You cry, Dek? I was wrong, right, same with you? I'm sorry,” he said that makes me even more unable to stem the tears again.

“It's okay, Mas. I'm sorry I can't accompany Mas who has a lot of problems. I should have understood you better.”

“Gak, Deck. Wrong mas same you.”

We both cried on the phone. I do not know exactly what Mas Danial felt so he also cried after hearing my sobs. Because I don't know what I'm really crying about.

Our love is indeed hindered by blessing but we realize we have not been able to really stop on a journey that has no end.

That heart was indeed so weak, when it was injured so many times, he would forgive it. One sentence alone could make him forget the tears that fell due to the wound. For example I, the disappointment and sadness that I feel will disappear just like that when my lover says “I miss you”.

Let my tracks touch your heart just once

Then let me go without seeing you again

Because I'm preparing now

Walk without you by my side again

Not because I don't love

However, because I know your love is not with me anymore

I am not your heart's choice

I'm not the best for you

Let me take your hand off first so you're free soon

Free from the love you don't want

This love will come with me, with my heart

My poor heart