Dew Heart Traces

Splitting Is the Way

She is unique, you can see her smiling all day without you knowing she was crying all night. The strength of his heart could not be measured by anything, nor could his weakness be calculated by logic. It all started because he was created with a process longer than men.

No one could bear his madness out of jealousy. She can be jealous of things her lover touches. But his jealousy is a beauty that makes the confirmation that he is in love.

“Dek, all day I'm in front of laptop.”

“Iya, Mas. Senengnya so laptop can be seen handsome guy all day.”

“Masya Allah, Dek.”

“Mas don't forget to eat, right?”

“Only a night that has not.”

“Alhamdulillah if you do not forget the morning and afternoon, ntar I was angry tuh laptop sedainnya up to all. I've never been seen all day like that!”

“This hasn't seen all day.”

“I'm not as attractive as a laptop.”

“Interesting when using tanktop.”

“Owh, pantesan. Tomorrow I'm using the tanktop to the office!”

“Awas.hmmmm.”

And indeed nothing can overcome the madness of women in their jealousy, other than the lover.

“Deeekkk.”

“Iya Maass.”

“Deeekkk.”

“What, Honey?”

“Call doang. Hihi.”

“Iihhhh .…”

“Mas again what?”

“Lagi see children work.”

“Liatin me when?”

“Later yes I flew there.”

I smile to myself if we are chatting on the sidelines of the busyness of both of us. Mas Danial has always been a solace and tired at work. He always accompanies the days that are not easy, my responsibilities as a leader in the company make me sometimes to the stress is not because. The presence of Mas Danial makes my day full of color and happiness. Everything felt light with a little joke and chattering me to him.

For a moment, I didn't seem to care that he was the man that everyone else already had. The guilt inside me was covered with happiness.

He knows how to touch my heart. His love is not extraordinary, but my heart is ready to accept it. He's the one who can make me believe in love again.

Every time I wake up, there is always him who accompanies me with his morning greeting. I got used to it and started to get comfortable with the little concerns. Things that may be normal for lovers, but not for me who think it is extraordinary. I have not had a relationship with the opposite sex for a long time. I'm used to being independent and not used to even being uncomfortable with male attention.

I love Mas Danial's familiar tone of voice in the ears. Love does make small things meaningful. I don't want to wake up if it's a dream.

Mas Danial may not have realized that he was digging a new pit of suffering for me and I who also did not realize that my feet were in the hole was getting deeper. Deep without knowing when will begin to invisible the surface of the earth.

As if I was grasping the wind, my hands clenched tightly. But all of that is just a discovery. And I was like blind.

In a rare week, cloudy and drizzling, Mas Danial came to see me. My beloved came to give up longing.

From a distance I saw a smile and a wave of his hand pointing at me. Duh, the face that always unsheathes the joints of the heart that often acts silly. No matter how often I brush it off, it drives me crazy..

“Old, yes, waiting?” much

“Lumayanlah, but I not long you know, Dek, here, only 2 hours. Gapapa, right?”

I'm nodding. I can't refuse or complain. I have no right! The heart that had been flowering can only last five minutes after Mas Danial said that.

“I'm sorry, Dek. I have an important appointment because it's eleven.”

I saw a watch in hand that showed at 09:15 WIB. Mas Danial knows very well I don't like him meeting me for a while, mending not at all. I don't like being limited by time with him. Sounds selfish, but I can't lie to myself. Often Mas Danial does not understand the way of thought about one thing, he prefers to meet briefly but often, rather than rarely.

Our mind is different about that. I who do not like separation make me tormented if I have to part too often with Mas Danial. I don't like to see his back when he walks away from me. I don't want to be tormented so many times because of that. It is like being killed slowly with several knife incisions by being shot directly in the heart. I chose to be killed outright.

Our brief encounter didn't make me talk much. We are busy with cell phones. Actually I don't really use a cell phone, it's just a way of hiding my sad feelings that I can't have free time with.

Holding back the longing began to torment me greatly, I who could do nothing but accept all the consequences. And sure enough Mas Danial had started to get agitated at his watch.

“Mas if you want to go now gapapa, really. Rather than fidgeting like that.”

“I said yes, Dek.”

I nodded without the slightest bit of being able to reject it. The actual time was not two hours from our meeting, but I assumed Mas Danial was not too focused on the meeting so I allowed him to leave early.

My tears are dripping, looking at his back again.

I already know, I've started to wake up a little from sleep and my dreams are with him. Along with the busy work schedule Mas Danial. No doubt my work is also more and more and take up my time. It's just that for me, Mas Danial is the key to being able to spirit in doing everything to be lighter.

All that is no more, because right now, I love him more and it could be that my love is greater than Mas Danial himself. For Mas Danial I am not a priority anymore, I am no longer a new toy that is still warm to play with. I'm not as interesting as before, I've included old items that are only used as an inventory of his life.

Mas ....

I wrote this when I found myself in the middle of myself accompanied by the sizzling of sand and the pounding of the waves on a very beautiful beach.

I wonder how our story will end?

There is not a single answer I can find. It all feels deadlocked and I realized that I might end up losing you too.

However, somehow my heart is okay with that.

It's not that I don't want to be with you, age with you, age with you, age with you.

I don't feel my tears dripping, Mom. Just imagining it makes me happy.

I want to give infinite thanks because God sent Mas in my life.

Thank you for the love I never felt before. A love where I can be my childish self. A love that makes me want to be with you until the end of life even if it's so hard to be real. I always brushed that feeling away because I didn't want to be happy in someone else's tears.

Maybe right now we're wrong, but I can't do anything about it.

I've been dreaming for too long of love being present in my heart and you offering it in my life.

~Testered on the opposite Island~