Dew Heart Traces
Someone is Tapping the Heart
The star will also need time to come to terms with his bitter past, but may be able to recover faster because he also knows how to survive and find his own happiness.
“Then how did you meet your ex-wife again?”
“At that time she was having dinner with her husband when we met for the first time after we split. I saw him so happy with his new family, then how could I not be happy? I must be willing because maybe with him with me, the shadow of our son will always haunt him and make him unable to live happily.”
“You should have said that you have experienced the same thing as me when I saw someone from my past.”
“What distinguishes him is that I did not avoid but I told him right away that I was happy to see him happy. It is time to look for my own happiness. We make peace with our wounds.”
“You are amazing, maybe my guts are not as big as you.”
“Nyali it does not have to be big to face the bitter taste, but how do you have the slightest willingness to learn to make peace with it and start to find our own happy path.”
“You know what makes my step back instead of forward to face it?”
“I want to know.”
“Because I don't have the slightest right to deal with it as I please.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I told you could be after that you would hate me or stay away from me.”
“Is he someone who already has a wife when you love each other?”
Back again my heart feels to be released with the Star's guess about me which is always a lot of truth.
“Ohh. Must be true because your silence says it's true.”
I nodded in agreement with the words of the Star.
“Love is never wrong. If it is wrong, then it is not a gift but a disaster. Did God create love as a disaster, not as a gift? I'm sure it's not like that. What makes it a disaster or not it is our attitude to receive the gift.”
“I don't think my love is wrong. But I have no right to hold people accountable for my feelings. So I chose this path to let him be happy without me disturbing.”
“Are you sure they are happy now?”
“I pray for their happiness.”
“That's your prayer is not necessarily a reality that happens to them.”
I was silent again hearing the reply of the stars.
“Let that be their business. Because for me, my job, I've done it. I've done what I had to do for the common good.”
“Are you sure you did your best for them? Isn't that from your side just not from their side.”
“Then what do I have to do again to be able to make my choice to release it to be the best choice?”
“Ask them directly, face them.”
“I can't Star. Can't.”
“If you can't do that then start looking for your own happy path without thinking again to continue to be overshadowed by the past!”
I already know where the Star talks are going. Nothing else, he wanted me to move on from a futile feeling. Because I don't have the guts to face them either.
My eyes feel heavy. Because I was getting sleepy, I closed my eyes even though I was still a little awake. The star quietly confirmed the location of my blanket and I heard him sayup-sayup while whispering, slowly saying the words, “Good sleep and dream beautiful tonight.”
Our journey is long and we have fallen asleep in a different dimension.
***
“Halo, Mamaa.” The voice across made me very happy. He is my heart, my solder. Orangish.
“Iya, Darling. School fun?”
“Bangeeet, Mom. Oh yeah she said Mama in Germany huh?”
“Iya, Son. Maafin Mama can not ngabari Jingga, it ran out yesterday he said Jingga can not be disturbed because again field studies.”
“Iya gapapa Ma. The head of the dormitory had told Orange that Mama called and ngabari if you want to go to Germany.”
“Iya, Beautiful.”
“oya Ma. If Mama meets a handsome guy in Germany take her home to Indo yes let her be her husband Mama.”
“Hush! Jail is very.”
“Hahaha.” We both laughed on the phone.
“Mama .…”
“Iya, Darling.”
“Don't forget to be happy ya.”
“Also yes.”
“Till yes?”
“Iya.”
“How old is he now?”
“Fourteen years.”
“Already girl, yes,” replied Star.
And indeed time did not feel make me realize there is growing and living. I should keep opening another new page even though the taste of the past has not disappeared. Look, in front of me was a man who wanted me so much. Am I blind to my own feelings?
“After you yourself have you ever been in a relationship with another woman?” ask the Stars.
“Entertainment. I've never been afraid to start a relationship.”
“Then why don't you get married?”
“Marriage is not something that is as easy as we say when we are in a relationship.”
“Isn't it at your age that it's not right to just date?”
“It is precisely because of this that I have to be more careful even though there is no fear for me to build a household anymore.”
“Not afraid to open a new sheet does not mean rash right, yes?”
“True,” replied Star approves.
I don't know the real reason the Stars liked me until they followed me to Germany like this. He must be very busy with his work.
“You must have been very busy then why did you come so far to chase after the woman who is still trapped by her past?”
“For me work is a side, but getting my life partner is the main thing. What would it mean to have a lot of money if I lived alone? I lost my son because I was too busy chasing after material. Look now I'm just enjoying this treasure alone.”
What does the star mean by saying that? Does he want me as his future life partner?
“Do not be afraid. I won't ask you to get married now.”
“Aih, what the hell, your talk has gone too far,” my rebuttal.
“Maybe you are wondering, why I was too quick to signal my intentions towards you. From the beginning I knew you I was like seeing myself in you.”
“I?”
“Iya.”
“Kok can?”
“Do you feel what I say and what I do as if it were the same as what you said and what you did?”
I fell silent at the words of the Star which I could not deny the truth.
“I can't stop thinking about you, it's the first time since I split up. I've never been this much to think of women.”
“It could be because your curiosity is the same as me, because among other women I included cold when you met.”
“Maybe. Because the beginning I also thought like that, but the more I came here I was more convinced that my heart was actually already bound by your presence.”
“I've told you before, I'm not the ideal age to be a wife to a young man like you.”
“Too cliche.”
“You have no offspring and surely you hope to have it with your partner, while my age is less productive again to get pregnant.”
“You seem to act like God. Aren't many women your age pregnant now.”
“Iya I know. But will it not be a hope that is forced when the fate of the person is different. I don't want you to end up regretting your choice because of your momentary desire now.”
“Do you rate me that narrow?”
“No, Stars!”
“Then what?”
“I just want to know what your purpose is to get married.”
“I married to complete half religion and myself.”
“Masha Allah.”
“And I know who that woman can complete me is.”
“Hmm."
“If God does not finally give offspring through the woman, then I will never regret it because for me the child will not be able to accompany my life until the end. He is the one who will always accompany me.”
