Dew Heart Traces

Losing So Much

 “Plaakkk!” The sound of her hand landing on my cheek. Then his burly hand gripped the neck, feeling hot and tight as he tightened his grip. My steps receded by the rush of his steps to a distance of several meters in front of the bathroom door.

“Basic slut! Woman ******! You don't deserve to be the mother of my children!” Suaa heavy hit my heart.

I can't fight back, nor can I let go of his grip. I am still very weak because my strength has not recovered from my illness. My voice I could not let out just to ask for his mercy. I feel like I'm going to pass out soon or I could die from not being able to breathe. I was strangled hard.

Eventually his hand slipped off after I might look progressively weaker. I fell on the floor holding my neck that felt sore.

“Please go from this house!” I asked him to leave in a weak voice as strong as I could get out of my mouth. I still coughed as a result of his strong hand.

There was the sound of something he was slamming again. This time it was my phone. What else is wrong with her eyes?

“I read your conversation with that son of a bitch! I'm sure you've slept with him! You cheap lady! Slut!”

“Iya I have indeed slept with that man. Please leave this house. I'm not your wife anymore, so I'm free to do whatever I want.” Still in a weak tone, I countered that unreasonable accusation. I confirmed his words so that he would immediately get out of the house and let me rest.

I saw the phone smashed to pieces. What had he read from there with his inhumane anger? I have nothing to do with anyone because I have no time to serve men who want to approach me.

It is undeniable that there are some men who are approaching, but for me they are people who are just passing by. I really did not have the guts to build a new relationship, especially I was still in the treatment period and went back and forth in the hospital for my illness.

“Mom should be able to bedrest for at least three months if you do not want to open in the hospital again.” The doctor's voice is still ringing in my ear. Now it has been almost three months I bedrest at home and during that time I have never seen the sunrise and sunset.

My tears seemed reluctant to accompany me again, as I watched the body grow frail and weak. I seemed to be aging, because my physique could tell it easily.

I saw this body becoming thinner and withered. My increasingly beautiful eyes detail every detail of my body. I took off every piece of cloth that wrapped it, one by one until I stood naked in front of the large mirror in my room.

The bones encased in my weak skin were getting more and more visible. I feel the chest that is still dark blue .. The bruise is still there. I touched the hair that was getting longer and thinner. The neck is getting higher because my weight is falling drastically.

I don't know where the Dew I used to know? The figure of a strong and intelligent woman, who is cheerful and energetic. As if lost or dead swallowed by the earth. Now the woman turned into a figure in the reflection of the big mirror.

“Eating is untouched, Mom?” Suddenly Bik Nah broke my daydream. She immediately put on her clothes again after seeing me naked.

“Mother will catch wind.” I saw Bik Nah's voice choked as if she was holding back her cries.

“Bik Well disgusted, yes, look at my body?

Unexpectedly the sound of crying Bik Nah broke after I said that.

“Bibik go back to the village. I can't afford Bibik anymore.”

“Kan Bibik told me that you don't need Bibik's salary. Heartfelt aunt, Bu.” While a bit of Bik Nah expressed her sincerity to take care of me without salary.

How not, I am no longer working because I cannot continue to work with my condition which could end in death. The doctor's verdict did say my chances of recovery were 50.

The blood vessels in my stomach had already ruptured so I often vomited blood. Maybe that's one of the causes of my weight loss. Severe stress is the determining factor, the doctor said.

My divorce is the culmination of all the events that are happening to me right now. My house was wrecked without being saved again. The man I once believed in happiness, was unable to keep his promise. Even he is the most human I can call the ringleader of the destruction of body and soul.

He broke my soul with his crazy love, he broke my body with his uncontrollable emotions. Blast all over the body is a silent witness to his cruelty. Even though he knew I was still weak due to the infusion hose that had just been released from my hand. It was as if his heart died without mercy on me.

“What do you want?” ask me after she tried touching my sensitive body part. The infusion hose is still connected intravenously, I'm still in the hospital room. She asked me to go to the bathroom, and then she fucked me without pity, that I was in no condition to serve her as a wife. I was like a prostitute in her life who had to be ready to serve her whenever and wherever she wanted.

The woman he loved so much according to his confession. The woman who gave birth to her child. The man who said that I was an unfilial wife shortly after giving birth to his third child in bed alone with eyes still wet from the loss of his fetus.

“I have given birth in the bathroom, please come home soon to bury my fetus.” I called him when he was in the office.

“You must be many istigfar, this is your punishment for being ungodly with your husband!” he said after I told him the news that should have made him feel sorry for me. Iba to his wife, the woman who gave birth to his fetus. A mother who has just lost a baby, who she thinks could save her parents' sinking marriage.

“What is it made of? Am I really a trashy woman who doesn't need to be pitied? Then why am I so stupid to keep a household that's been like hell for my life?” I bit my lip withstanding the pain still felt due to bleeding before and after giving birth. I slowly reached for a piece of white cloth to wrap my fetus.

“Im sorry Mom, Son. Mama deliberately did not see you so that Mama did not remember you in a state of pain like this. Mama wants to remember you with a happy heart that Mama once fought with you. Thank you, dear, have ever touched the womb of Mama even if only for a moment.” My tears are dripping, my heart is tearing. This time I just felt so much pain.