Dew Heart Traces

Let Happy

We were silent for a moment before Hana continued her words.

 “At last I thought maybe with your presence on Mas Danial's side could give him the spirit to fight and be aware of his coma. That's why I came to ask you for help.”

It didn't take long for us to leave for the hospital where Mas Danial was being treated. The darkness of the night did not prevent us from driving the car. After a while, we finally arrived at the ICU.

I saw the body of the man I loved so much lying with many medical devices attached to it. I wanted to cry but I didn't, because I had no rights. Who me? There is none more worthy than Hana, and she is standing beside me.

“Come in, because only one person can be inside,” said Hana.

With a slow step I entered the room after wearing a special shirt. I hesitated to approach Mas Danial who was unconscious. The distinctive sound of the medical device is quite shuddering, I am still traumatized by the scent of the room in the hospital.

I was once in this state. It was like the hospital was my second home. Memories of the past flashed through my mind, and now the one lying down was the man I loved.

“Mas .…” I'm trying to call his name slowly.

“I Dew, Mas. Don't sleep long. Kasian Mbak Hana crying continues and tired of waiting for Mas here.” My voice choked, it was impossible for me to hold back my tears.

“I'm fine Mas. I'm a strong woman. You know what I'm like. Please explain me, yes. If you think this is heavy, just let go of everything. I promise I'll be happy even if I'm not with Mas. I promise, Mas. So wakeup. Don't make me cry seeing you like this. I still love you even more. Thank you for being a wonderful gift in my life.”

I dared to touch and kiss the back of his hand. Then when I wanted to turn my back to leave, the sound of the machine from the monitor rang and the medical team who checked Mas Danial's condition arrived.

I was still dumbfounded to see the pacemaker attached to his chest. What did I say that Mas Danial's reaction was like that? Did I make things worse? My eyes continued to see Mas Danial's body being lifted up many times. My tears are flowing. My lips were shaking erratically.

If anything happens, I'm the one responsible. I'm the one who caused this mess. I can't interfere with their lives.

I sat on the floor of the ICU room while looking at Mas Danial's unfavorable state.

“She's back, Doc.” The nurse's voice made me raise my head.

“Ok, good.”

The sound of the doctor's steps approached me. “Bapak is back, Mom. Now he's normal, so he's past his critical time.”

“Alhamdulillah, yes, Allah,” I said in a still trembling voice.

I went back to where Hana was standing from earlier, she must have been very worried as well.

“Mas Danial is aware and will be moved to a regular room,”, I said to give him the latest news.

I turned my back intending to leave them. However, I felt my hand being grabbed by Hana. He shook his head as if to prevent me from leaving.

Then I held her hand and said, “Blessed are you two, my task is done and I will never appear again in your lives. You will not see a hair of mine. I'll try to really get away from Mas Danial. May you love each other as you used to when you started building a household. Thank you for letting me love Danial. Thank you for being so kind as not to condemn my mistakes to you, Ma'am. You are an amazing woman who should be loved by Mas Danial the most. Forget about me ever hurting you. I'm sorry, if I may be presumptuous to ask.”

After saying that, she hugged me..

[Growing…

Thank you for ever being in my life, I am not very good at saying what I feel. That's why many men never manage to keep the woman they love. Including me..

Forgive me for ignoring you so often, I who are insensitive have made your wounds even more gaping. I'm sorry, honey.

It could be that I thought you would always be with me no matter what it was and no matter how I treated you. Because I'm sure you'll never leave me.

Never for a second did I think I would lose you this fast, yet I could not impose my will. I can't promise anything for our love. I am not strict in our relationship. I am a coward and selfish.

I don't know how often I make you cry. Ii'm sorry. Ii'm sorry.

I now realize the meaning of your presence in my life. I never imagined it would feel like this sick to be separated from you.

I do not deserve to be forgiven even to love you, I do not deserve your wonderful love for me.

I will always pray that you will be happy and find your true love. The love that will make your tears never spill again because you have a sincere heart.

Thank you my dear. Thank you for your love all this time. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for all your support while you are with me.

I'm a man who's still learning how to love this..

Danials]