Dew Heart Traces

Stars Are the Purpose

I saw his steps approaching me, we were so close and close. My hand trembled and put down the spoon that I was still holding. I swallowed the imperfect food I chewed.

“Dek, how are you?” he said with a familiar voice in my ear.

The voice I longed for so much. A greeting that can make me hold back tears often. The voice that made my cold heart warm. He did not change at all except for his slightly whitened beard. Her smile is the same for me. Oh God what is this? What's wrong with my heart? Does that feel still there for him? Then why do I still want to cry seeing this man? My feelings are getting messed up.

“No, I already belong to the Stars, a very extraordinary man in my life. The man whose son I carry. The man I will never exchange with anyone in this world,” I said in my heart to dismiss all the temptations that spread in my heart and faith.

He sat directly in front of me, without a single sentence from me to let him sit down.

“Who is sick here?” his question seemed not to know that I was so surprised by his presence in my life that had long since happened from him.

“My husband,” I replied briefly.

“Alhamdulillah you have finally found someone who makes you happy, Dek.”

“Iya.”

“Hana is being treated here for typhus but has improved. Maybe tomorrow we can go home.”

I just nodded without responding to the story. As usual, Danial is very good at holding feelings. He will look mediocre even though inside him rumble erratically. I know this man in front of me.

Since when did Mas Danial live in this city? If not living in this city, why would he be able to take Hana to a hospital that was very far from where she lived?

“I've moved a long time to this city, Dek. It was a few years ago. Hana also does not mind because the children are all independent.”

I still listen to him tell stories. My mind wandered to the time where I got our flower deliveries, purses, and meetings at the restaurant. Is that really from Danial? Or maybe she already knows I'm married to a star.

When I replied that my husband was being treated here, there was no look of surprise on his face. Does he actually know that the Stars are being treated here? It really made me think no more.

The vision faded and I felt my body so light. My head is getting heavier.

Darkened.

I woke up, seeing myself already in the room that looked the same as the Stars. “Did I just faint?” my spoken.

“Iya, Deck. You passed out in the cafeteria and now you're being treated in a room near your husband.”

Mas Danial's words struck me, then turned to the side of my bed. The stars seem to be there. The three of us are now in the same room. What's the matter?

“Congratulations yes, Dek. Says your sister is pregnant. I'm so happy to hear that. God is amazing to make your life so perfect with your husband and baby.”

What is still my big question mark is why Mas Danial was not surprised in the least by the state of the Star. He seemed to know the state of the Star from the beginning.

“I'm good. Thank goodness, Dek. And getting older.” He smiled to answer my question.

“He's a lucky guy to have you, Dek. Surely he knows how to love you so much that it makes you melt,”.

“I am lucky to have a man who loves me so much, a man who always thinks happiness is a great mission in his life.”

I tearfully said that in front of Mas Danial.

“You are a woman worthy of happiness. Only cowardly men don't know how to love you.”

We both fell silent after hearing him say that. We are not a match, but the love we have felt before can make our lives teach many things.

The stars are my future, he is my life now. Even though the love I have for Mas Danial has not completely disappeared from my heart. Let it be my secret with God. I'd be a villain if the world knew my feelings weren't pure for the Stars.

“I say yes, so you can rest, Dek. I'm sorry I interrupted you.”

Danial left us and I saw his back again. My back makes me cry first. His steps were still the same, but now his shoulders were increasingly bent as if there was a burden that he could not carry. Pity lingered in my heart, I guessed there were many things she held back and hid herself.

Oh, Mas Danial, may one day finally be happy sincerely without pretense.

Forgive me Star, apparently my heart still sins to you who has given me everything without complaint in the least. For the first time I hated so much, I even wanted to feel like I was berating myself who was still struggling with feelings that were of no benefit.

Even my heart was not filled to see the real suffering before my own eyes. There is a heart that always faithfully awaits me without any time limit, even willing to stretch my life to be able to receive my love fully.

If only I could play and turn all my heart around, then I would choose to give it my all to the Stars. The only love for my selfish heart. Then what can I do if God has not deigned to make it whole for the Stars?

The sinner. I deserve to be called a sinner. There's nothing I can do but accept this with all the consequences. My heart may be wrong, but my steps must not be wrong because the Star is my goal.

Five days I was asked not to move much first, by the doctor asking me in bed only. There's a little fleck coming out of my womb.

I kissed my husband who was still unconscious, how much this heart misses him no longer. I want to hear her voice that is always beautiful in my ears.

The star never raised his voice even when he called me from a distance away. He would rather come closer and address me in a standard tone. I always look around for star deficiencies, but I can't find them as small as I can.

“Ah, Darling. I'm an ordinary human being so I must have a deficiency.”

Those were his words when I said that I did not find the location of his shortcomings as long as I knew him. It could be that he has shortcomings, maybe even many, but he tries to always do his best for me. The men in his office once said that the Father is good, there is no reproach at all.

God was so good to me to give stars to my life. My life that I always thought was dark and dark.