Dew Heart Traces

The Surprising News

It's this kind of thing that I'm worried about that he thinks I ended our relationship because of last night, when I wanted us to end up all right. But if I hold off then this will never stop.

“It wasn't like this I planned, Mas. That was the letter I wanted to give last night. That's probably what made me cry all night. Not because I was sick but more because nature always made me confused about our circumstances. All this time I was really confused by your attitude, Mas. I'm rattled. And this decision is not no I am not thinking carefully, but it must be me who stops so that we do not hurt each other again. I want to be happy to remember your love, Mom. Not remembering you with tears.”

He was silent without any refutation. I'm sure his mind is fucked..

“Mas, all this time I've always said I don't like to see your back when Mas walks away from me, so I beg you this time let me go first so that I do not remember your back when we are completely separated.”

Then I stood up and prepared to leave Mas Danial who was still glued to his place. I felt my wrist being grabbed by Mas Danial.

“Dek, does it have to be like this?”

“Mas, ask your deepest heart, isn't this really what's best for us? I'm sure Mas actually wants to end a relationship that we really know from the beginning there is no future, but Mas does not have the heart with me, right? Then let me stop this. I'll study sincerely, Mas.” Releasing his hand, I walked away from the man I loved so much. I don't want to look back so I don't get weak when I see her again. I tried to hold back my tears from spilling and made Mas Danial run after me.

I'm relieved Mas Danial didn't try to catch up until I got into the car. Then I shed all my tears freely.

I once thought I was walking with hands that seemed to be held by someone

The faster I was run by him

Then my hand came off, at some point where our hands were no longer together

Then I realized, from the beginning I was just walking, running alone

My imagination alone wishes that someone would hold my hand

My heart will never be enough for love

I always hurt myself

And right now, I'm just delaying the wound that might kill my soul for good

There's nothing I need to regret anymore

Because dusk is not the ruler of the day

Such was the end of our relationship that everything was not in my plan. The ending I planned was wonderful by spending the night looking at the stars and talking about how love taught us so much. Accepting unconditional love, parting without hurt. But maybe my wish will never happen because there is no beautiful separation, there is always sadness and tears.

*****

Two weeks, Mas Danial didn't call me at all. Between me waiting or indeed I was just wondering whether Mas Danial accepted the decision or not. And I convinced myself that he agreed with me that he was not trying to ask for an explanation or for me to reconsider.

Sometimes I shed tears while sitting dumbly in the office cafeteria. Post-parting does take time and a habituation process.

I enjoyed my days in the process, where I could cry because I missed her so much. Where I wished it was Mas Danial khilaf and called me and asked me to come back.

However, I was also relieved that it did not happen, because if it happened when I was weak, then it would not be good with my habituation process.

Tonight I was alone in the house, Orange and his mother were staying at his grandfather's house. I saw the clock on my phone. It's getting late, but I haven't closed my eyes. Luckily tomorrow is Saturday so I can be free to get up during the day.

Then I opened the door and was surprised to see someone behind the fence.

“Hana,” gumamku.

I ran to open the fence. I don't know what's going to happen, but all I saw was Hana coming alone without her sister's company again like she used to.

I let him in and got him a glass of water because I saw his lips were very pale. She came without the slightest make-up, appearing her eyes were extremely withered and tired like a lack of sleep.

Long enough we were silent. I didn't have the courage to start the conversation. However, I can catch that he came not without cause. Big things are going on between her and her husband, Mas Danial.

“I can ask for help?” he said after a long time we were silent.

“Iya, Ma'am, can.”

He chuckled with a raucous voice hearing my impressed reply without a second thought. Because the biggest thing I can do is break up with Mas Danial. Moreover, what can be asked by a wife to women who are trying to have her husband, in addition to disappearing from their lives.

“Why don't you ask what I want to ask for? It could be that I ask you to leave my husband or disappear from our lives.”

“Because I have no right to refuse that, Ma'am.”

“You are weird, where there is a woman who wants to do that especially she loves him.”

“I can what, Ma'am? Don't I not deserve to rob you of your happiness?”

“My relationship with Mas Danial is actually not okay. Our house was almost sunk several times. Your presence actually only worsens. My arrival was nothing more than a curiosity, who was the woman who could make Mas Danial's heart move again. At first I didn't know but Mas Danial's change of attitude that was getting more and more attention to me that he had never done made me think. Then I ended up accidentally overhearing the conversation you two had on the phone."

Hana's eyes glared.

"At that time Mas Danial was admitting that he loved me even more after he loved you. Strange, but my instinct as his wife does not accept even though I should be happy that with him loving you more he also loves me more.”

Hana took a deep breath then continued her sentence.

“Now Mas Danial is being treated in hospital, a week or so he is unconscious so he is currently in intensive care.”

The deg!

My heart feels detached from my body. What happened to the man I loved so much? Did he disappear without any news because he was going through such a big thing that he got sick? My mind's raging.

“Before Mas Danial was taken to the hospital there was a great quarrel between the two of us. He asked permission to marry you. He does not want to hide your relationship for too long which in turn leads to slander and sin. Of course I as a wife did not accept and there was a quarrel."

Hana took a deep breath and exhaled as if she was taking off a heavy burden.

"Mas Danial is not emotional, you could say he is very rarely angry. During this time he harbored many feelings so that it might eventually result in him falling unconscious and until now has not been conscious. The doctor did not know the cause because he did not have a heart history.”

It felt like tears were spilling, but I could bear it so that Hana would not misunderstand. I just keep my feelings as a wife. It does not seem appropriate to cry for someone else's husband especially in front of his wife.