Papa's Little Daughter

The One Missing Shan

The breath cannot be regulated. The blink of an eye as well. Everything is beyond human control. If we try to manage it, then we will be tired ourselves. Everything is arranged. Everything has been automatic. And we as humans, we just need to thank him for the pleasure we can feel.

Don't forget to always be grateful.....

"Shan's? Shan baby??" Chandra touched the small, slumbering body. Trying to wake her up because it was late.

"Shan didn't wake up? Shan has been sleeping for a long time. Wake up, eat or drink baby..."

Shan opened his eyes. Chandra smiled for a moment then helped the little body to sit down.

Shan's body was really very limp. I don't know it looks like it's the effect of a lot of nosebleeds this morning.

"Ma, mama took Shan's maem ya." pinta Chandra, because he could not take it himself because he was holding Shan's body.

The figure he was looking for finally came. Rosa carried a tray containing a plate of rice complete with an omelette side dish, then there was a pacifier containing warm milk.

"Mom Shan's bribe ya." pinta Chandra again.

Yes, Chandra now calls Rosa mama. Shania's mother.

"I don't want to." Chandra rebukes Shan who turns his face when the first feed given by Rosa is right in front of his mouth.

"Can't be Shan. Shan must maem." Chandra now takes over the spoon from Rosa's hand and tries to bribe Shan himself.

Shan was about to open his mouth, however...

The food was immediately mopped up by Shan.

Chandra and Rosa look at each other for not understanding.

"Why the hell, baby? The food is not good, right? But this is omelet loh, your favorite Shan."

Shan did not reply to his papa, the little boy cried instead.

"Ehhh, how about crying anyway?" Chandra changes her position and chooses to hold the child on hunger strike.

"Shan wants his maem while being carried huh? Yaudah okay papa. Come on ma, try Shan's bribe again."

Shan shook his head quickly. Moved his hand as a gesture of not wanting to be fed. Shan really did not want to eat at all.

Chandra was worried. Because since this morning Shan's stomach was filled with nothing.

"How about milk?" Rosa gave me advice.

Alright Chandra nodded at him.

Not until 5 minutes finally warm milk was made by Rosa. Chandra then gives the bottle to Shan.

"The nose while lying down is Shan." Chandra splashed Shan's body on the bed.

The little boy did not put the rubber pacifier bud into his mouth and took a sip, Shan instead...

"Why Shan? That's Shan's milk. Shan forgot it?"

Chandra tries to recall Shan's memory as if the boy had forgotten. But Shan, Shan still kept staring at the teat bottle that contained the full milk. Keep staring.

Chandra took Shan's dot back, the man then checked it.

Nothing is strange. Then why is Shan looking at him like that?

"Udah, let's go to see Shan." Chandra himself put the pacifier bud into Shan's mouth.

1 second.

2 seconds..

3 sec...

"Relin-ow..."

Shan spewed the milk.

As fast as lightning Chandra sat Shan's body.

"How did Shan vomit?" Chandra patiently wiped the child's entire mouth and neck that did not escape the milk.

Rosa immediately changed Shan's clothes that had been wet and felt sticky.

Finished replaced now both silent without a sound. Just stared at Shan while pondering.

"Then if Shan doesn't want to eat and drink milk, what does the little boy want?"

More or less like that, Chandra and Rosa mused.

Shan's body condition is getting weaker if not supplied food or drinks. Inevitably Chandra and Rosa finally ask for help from medics.

Shan eventually ended up with a nasogastric tube or Nasogastric Tube (NGT). A special tube inserted through the nose passes through the throat then the esophagus and into the stomach (stomach). To ensure the position of the hose does not shift, the hose is plastered on the side of the face close to the nose.

Shan cried screaming as the object was paired by the doctor. To the extent that Chandra did not have the heart and chose to go out so that Rosa was the one with the child until the installation process was complete.

Whichever heart of the unscathed papa sees her baby again struggling with new medical equipment. Pain, heartache Chandra.

For now Shan could not eat or drink through his mouth. Through the lapse of all food supplies can enter, even then only certain foods. Only food that has been softened.

The doctor said Shan broke down because his throat was swollen, making it difficult to eat.

"On yesterday's operation, forgive me for not complying with the procedure."

Chandra and Rosa were instantly stunned by the doctor's words.

Indeed that is what Chandra and Rosa want to hear from the mouth of the white-clothed beak man, the greeting of forgiveness.

"Yes doc, we're sorry" Chandra said.

The doctor looked towards Shan. His gaze seemed to be saying something bad, and the guess was indeed true...

"I should have been honest from the start. I shouldn't have lied. This child is no longer curable."

Chandra goes to great lengths to swallow his own saliva. Again his heart was crushed to hear the very bitter reality presented by the doctor. Not only the doctor, Dr. Hans also said it.

Suddenly Rosa violently pushed the doctor's shoulder.

"What did you say?!" Angrily Rosa shouted at the doctor mercilessly.

"You can't talk like that! Your job here is to heal Shan! Why are you even talking like that ha?! Why did you give up?! You said you were a competent doctor! You said you were a great doctor! Let's prove! I already paid you! Don't run from your job!"

The look of pity and compassion displayed by the doctor made Chandra pity. Chandra grabs Rosa's hand, pushing the doctor. Rosa finally stops in Chandra's hand. And that very moment Rosa cried.

The falling tears made Chandra tear up. It was heartless to see the frail woman cry for the umpteenth time.

Chandra immediately clutches Rosa's body. Letting Rosa's head sink into her chest. Chandra muffled Rosa's cry inside her chest.

Only one little human did not understand exactly what was going on for the moment.

Why is everyone crying? Why do anger and conflict occur? Wh why?

Shan simply fell silent while floating in his own thoughts.

......***......

The view of the park that lies before the eyes will be a sight that is always remembered in Chandra's memory. Maybe his whole life.

Minutes of silence Chandra observed every inch of the hospital park. Inhaling every scent of air that crossed his nose before Chandra actually left this place.

Yes, after careful thought Chandra finally decided to leave the hospital and bring Shan home.

The house that Shan misses so much.

A small hand suddenly stretched out from behind, touching Chandra's arm. The man turned his head and found Shan being carried by Rosa.

The two women followed him in the park.

Chandra takes over Shan's body from Rosa's sling.

With great care Chandra carried the small body and invited him to the middle of the field. The two of them usually spend time together. The long bench in the middle, adjacent to the fountain, had always been his favorite.

Chandra held onto that little body. Now Shan could stare at the glareless and cool sky above him. The current weather tends to be cloudy, and it looks like it will rain.

"Ming... Ming... Come, Shan here. Shan wants to see you Ming." said Chandra.

Chandra hopes Shan can think back to the wild cat that became his pet. Chandra also hopes the cat's presence will make Shan feel happy.

"Ming... Ming..." Chandra kept calling the cat even though its existence was unclear.

Rosa got up from her position, she had a brilliant idea. "I'll get some cat food first. The cat will definitely come if it smells food." he said then passed like his destination.

Chandra and Shan.

Chandra grabbed his daughter's arm and lifted her into the air. Look at every detail of that arm. The arms that turned into extremely thin and small even shrank in wrinkles. Shan's illness was really very playful.

"It hurts Shan?" Chandra's tears immediately spilled. The fall soaked Shan's face that was below him.

The little girl just fell silent, staring at the figure of the papa without flinching at all.

Since yesterday Shan had not let out any sound. Shan had lost his speaking ability. And this really makes Chandra even worse.

"Shan..." For the first time Chandra showed a cry of regret before Shan.

Regret over his incompetence in caring for Shan. To the extent that this little boy had to suffer from this severe pain.

But slowly Shan's hand was raised and touched Chandra's cheek. Shan wiped away Chandra's tears using the back of his hand.

Chandra stopped sobbing. He looked at Shan fixedly. Both of Shan's eyes were jet-black and clear as if to say.

"Papa cups... No cry. Shan is okay. Shan's fine. Everything's gonna be okay..."

Until a smooth elusan that feels in his leg makes Chandra look down.

A cat suddenly appeared. Shan's cat, Miming. He came over and directly swiped his head at Chandra's feet.

Chandra took Shan's right hand, then pointed the small hand out toward the bottom.

Shan smiled as he felt the delicate feathers hit his hand.

For the first time and perhaps the last time, Chandra finally lets Shan hold his beloved cat.

The thing Shan missed had finally paid off now...

~tbc...