Papa's Little Daughter

Guess why

Shan stared at his pride trophy. His eyes could not escape from the object he decided to put himself on top of the wardrobe. Shan really liked the cup. He didn't blink for decades.

"Shan if the cup is gone how?"

"Oh papa."

"No, papa's just kidding. Hehe..."

Shan looked back at his cup with sparkling eyes. Hmm, is that how Shan likes it?

The clock has now shown almost 9 nights. Shan should have slept, but I don't know maybe because the euphoria can be a trophy so this is how it is.

"Bobok darling, the cup does not need to be glared. He won't go, let papa take care..."

Shan then nodded then grabbed my neck with both hands. His position was already facing, attached to my body. He asked to be de-contained.

"What, really, are you guarding Shan's cup? Papa promise?"

"Yes, baby, I promise."

Ahh tomorrow Shan wants me prank, my cup just how do ya. It looks like hahaha.

"Dear, sweetie, prune yuk rem."

"But Shan belom sleepy—hoammm...."

Not sleepy but has evaporated very wide.

Shan still invited to chat, but his eyes were very sticky not strong literate loh. Very chatty for a child.

"Father tomorrow we wake up early... School..."

"Yes dear."

"What is breakfast tomorrow?"

"What do you want?"

"Eggs..."

"Eggs flanked by Shan?"

"Errh... Poked." Shan was actually already drowsy at the acute level, but he was still trying to resist it.

"Snurled? Oh boiled yes meaning Shan, yes-yes okay tomorrow morning papa makein."

"Papa... Papa's... Papa's..." Shan did stay half a watt of his consciousness, but his mouth still could not stand still. I don't know if he keeps calling my name when I'm with him.

I who have no job, finally continue to greet this half-sluggish child.

"Why the hell is Shan dear?"

Silent...

I laughed a little because I realized that Shan had fallen asleep by now.

"Mama Shan where are you?"

The deg!

But Shan hasn't slept...

I'm back to die lice made, just like at school. Whether now I have to give an answer, I can no longer avoid it like at the school that there was Miming the distraction Shan. Now there is no distraction.

I'm just alone. I was alone being charged an answer by Shan.

'God, may Shan sleep, Shan sleep... Shan forgot... Shan.... Shan did not ask again...'

"Why not answered anyway? Shan was curious."

I'm totally stuck. My whole body froze for a moment. There's nothing I can do. My heart was torn apart, because the question Shan was asking seemed to open my old wounds.

"Where are you going?"

"Papa's gonna pee Shan."

Shan held my hand, I really did not have the heart to brush off that innocent hand. But what can be done, this is for the sake of mutual security.

"You slept alone, baby..." I finally let go of his grasp then immediately went towards the bathroom.

I locked myself in that cold, damp place. Reflecting themselves in the dark without lighting. Until my hands are directed into the pocket of jeans I wear.

I took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from there. These two things I carry everywhere because just in case something like this happens. And right, it's happening now.

So here's the antidote...

I lit my cigarette, took a sip of it until I didn't realize it was the 6th stick I enjoyed.

The night was getting late, just like me who was also getting late in self-soothing activities. I swear, I completely forgot about time. I forgot about Shan too.

I hurried to clean up the rest of my cigarette butts. Throw it into the toilet and water it until it is not left.

I walked out through the door and the sight I saw was a little boy curled up alone on the bed.

Shan was really asleep.

I got closer and went up to the bed with him. Pink blanket I neaten for a while, teddynya not forget I put in the middle of it for him to hug.

"Pinter papa's son can already bob himself." I whispered softly.

I smiled to myself looking at the sleeping Shan with that peaceful face. Realizing that Shan is growing bigger and bigger makes me happy.

He used to be that small and now he's this big. Papa happy darling...

I never get tired of looking at her sleeping face. Swiping every detail of his face which of course will change later if he grows up. And I'd be very sorry about that.

Shan, just keep it small. Keep it small like this. Keep on being papa's little princess...

Honestly, I'm afraid I'll have to see him grow up. Afraid she'd be independent and not need my help anymore. My biggest fear is forgetting me.

I'm afraid Shan will forget me.

Just imagine that I was very worried.

"Huh..." I sighed for a moment. I turned to look at the wall clock. It turned out that it was already 2 in the morning, I should have gone to bed by now.

"Guard..." I peeked at Shan's forehead for a while, then moved towards the sofa. I will sleep there because the bed is filled with Shan and I can't shift his body which is already in the most comfortable position.

I'm sorry, baby, we should be in the VIP room to get a big bed.

...***...

The next day....

I brush my teeth very hard. Though I smoked it last night yes, but why until now the smell of cigarettes is still very stinging. Just shan up to my notice, 'Papa stinks, hiii.', he said earlier.

Tok. tokk...

"Chandra's got doctor Hans. Quickly come out, he wants to see you." exclaimed mama from outside the bathroom door.

"Yes maa bentar!" I immediately gargle and then get out.

At the door, I met my mother.

"Chandra are you smoking??"

I tried not to press the mama by directly passing through it, but the mama deftly held my hand.

"Have my mom said repeatedly don't—"

"Ma! I'm not a high school boy anymore!" My emotions exploded. Very tired it feels to be constantly restrained and arranged like this. Do you think I'm still a kid??

"Mazuran..."

"Quite ma, Chandra is now an adult!"

"Papa."

Loh how???

To my surprise I found Shan who had been standing in front of the entrance of the nursery. He's with Dr. Hans. And apparently... He hears everything.

I threw a sharp look at Mama at a glance. It's all because of mama, this is all because mama Shan so know if his papa abis smoking. And I snapped my mama in front of Shan, too.

I try to forget everything. I walked over to Shan and Dr. Hans.

"Loh Shan, aren't you in school?"

Shan remained silent.

"Where's doctor? What does the doctor want to talk about? Talk here or in your room?"

Dr. Hans was also silent.

"Doc?"

"Yes, ma—maaf I came at an inopportune time." Doctor Hans looks very awkward. He shouldn't be the awkward one, but I.

"Come to my room."

"Dear Shan, Shan was picked up by Dr Hans?" ask me in a slow voice. My distance from Dr. Hans which stretched a few steps further allowed me to interrogate Shan. Why did this boy suddenly come back from school, when only a few moments ago I delivered there.

"Shan?" I shook my hands because I was impatient that this child was still silent.

"Shan you why the hell? Dad asked son, answered dong."

"Shan won't answer. Bad papa!"

Doctor Hans looked back. My taste is now getting on the tip of the horn. I feel so ashamed.

"Why are you angry at me?! Kan Shan has told you not to be angry with uti! Shan doesn't like papa getting angry with uti! Papa is really evil! Bad papa! Bad papa! Papa malatt!!!"

Now it wasn't just Dr. Hans looking at me, everyone else in the hospital corridor, too. I became the center of attention instantly because Shan was yelling at me.

What do I have to do now??

"Hiks hyks..." And Shan was making the mood worse by crying now.

Shan...

Doctor Hans approached, he immediately hugged Shan into his arms.

"No Shan, Shan must not cry. Already, already, look here. Look at me Shan."

Shan, who had cupped his face with both hands, slowly opened it. She showed the tear to Dr. Hans, and the doctor.... Doctor Hans very patiently wiped away those tears.

"Hey, remember that promise we made back then, right Shan?"

Shan nodded weakly.

"Then why is Shan crying? Shan broke the promise, huh? Isn't Shan the one who said it himself that breaking the promise is a sin? Is Shan not afraid of sin huh?"

Shan.

"Hah Shan is not afraid of sin?" Doctor Hans displayed a surprised expression.

"No, he means Shan is afraid of the sin of doctor huaaa..."

Doctor Hans's smile was glimpsed. She did not smile as she saw Shan cry anymore, but rather it seemed like her intention had succeeded. He managed to make Shan disciplined.

"Yes, if Shan is afraid of sin, Shan must keep Shan's promise. Cup, don't cry."

And right, Shan's cry instantly stopped now.

I as a papa honestly very helped by the existence of this doctor Hans. Doctor Hans is like a gift to me. He also became a teacher whose nature I deserve to model. The way to educate small children, friendly, patient, and there are always clever ideas that make Shan melt. He really is the definition of a smart doctor.

Thank you doctor Hans, you helped me so much.

......***......

"Sorry doc, it's really a mistake I didn't read the message you sent last night. Sorry I was so late..."

I have repeatedly apologized. It turned out that last night Hans's doctor sent a chat with a notice that Shan had another CT scan to check his cancer development.

This is because of myself. Last night what I did to the point that I didn't check the important information on my phone.

You stupid Chandra!

"It's okay, Chandra sir, we can do the check right now, right, Shan?"

Shan nodded at Dr. Hans.

Oh, my God, I'm being so sad. Shan was picked up by Dr. Hans himself from his school. Duhh Chandra is stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Let's go to the room sir." take Dr. Hans to the examination room in question.

Shan on the way there asked to be carried. I don't know if he might be a little tense.

"No papa Shan, just checked the kayak at that time. Pack the light."

Shan was twitching around my neck. He's real agitated.

"Shan you know, it's a magic ray. Like iron man, Shan's father's favorite marvel character. If you are often exposed to the light later it must be cured."

There was no change, Shan was still pouting.

Shan, Shan... Your father will entertain you. Why the turn of papa who entertains using the way papa himself is not immediately cheerful, while if the doctor Hans immediately cheerful.

Why Shan, hiks (

Arriving at the room Shan was crying and whining afraid to ask out. I who fit the procedure just waiting outside can only be horrified to hear Shan's blaring cries.

Yeah sorry Shan papa can't come in, baby.

Until suddenly Doctor Hans came out and told me to come in. It seems like doctor Hans is already overwhelmed. Hahaha it turns out that he can be overwhelmed as well huh...

When Shan saw me he stopped crying. I then held his hand. The little hand would not be let go for a moment. When Shan's upper half was put into a capsule-like device, Shan refused to let go of my hand. Anyway, Shan wants to join forces.

Okay okay Shan, all right. Papa will always hold your hand. Papa will always be with you, baby. Papa's not going anywhere...

Inspection complete. We go back to Dr. Hans's room, the X-rays are out. Dr. Hans immediately began to explain the results.

Dr. Hans said there was still no significant development regarding the treatment process Shan underwent. The week that has passed has not yielded any results.

The first chemo Shan results are also not visible, understand still first. Doctor Hans said so.

But what is happy, the size of the cancer does not grow a milli. The size is still the same. This means the cancer stopped growing. And maybe it will be able to quickly shrink immediately through a series of treatments that will be taken in the future. The faster it shrinks, the faster you can perform surgical removal.

I'm so relieved to hear that.

I unceasingly kissed Shan because of her happy grappling hearing the results the doctor announced.

Shan, you'll be well soon, baby...

Finished consulting with doctor Hans I and Shan finally went home. Go home in quotation back to the nursery to rest. We have spent hours, even the day has changed to afternoon. Actually now it's time for Shan to take a shower.

However, I did not push Shan to continue the activity. He should rest even if only for a moment.

"Bobok used to hang on, yeah, half an hour. Abis is taking a shower, okay?" I dropped Shan on the bed.

This little active boy nodded. And ask for a ceremony. I also obeyed his request. It's nice to straighten my back as well which feels sore from a day sitting in Dr. Hans' room.

"Papa's gonna take a bath for Shan's milk."

I nodded his request.

"Emm.. papa." call Shan, a little hesitant.

"Yeah? How's it?"

"Shan can't mike her milk on the dot?"

I glared at him instantly. I don't want to be angry, but it's a reflex.

"Can't dong darling. It's big." I said, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"In a glass, yes, or in a tumbler Shan who is usually taken to school."

Shan quiet. He was disappointed that I didn't follow his request.

I finally gave her an understanding.

"Heii Shan, Shan is in school. Udan is no longer the mic at the dot. Dot it's just for baby Shan. How old is Shan now?"

"Three."

"Not even 3, if how old is the baby?"

"One... Two."

"Murmur-hh. Kan tauu. Udah pinter like Shan, then why is still like a baby when Shan's age was 3 ha? Emang Shan would like later school friends know Shan is still mik at the dot, Shan is still like a baby? There will be Shan mgejek Shan. 'Yee yee yee Shan kayak adek baby, hiii come on Shan don't be cemented'. Does Shan want to be followed?"

Shan.

The boy hugged my neck very tightly. "Yes Shan didn't ask for a mic on the dot anymore."

"Nahh it dong. Pinter's new son." I kissed his lips at a glance. Then wrap my hands together to hold her tiny body.

"Udah yuk is now booby."

"But pa..."

"Otherwise Shan?"

"Emm papa saw Shan's friends yesterday?"

I immediately cringed. "Yes, papa look. Why is Shan?"

"Papa see they're wearing head coverings huh. Why would pa? Do they have hair? Will Shan also be like them?"

I speak a thousand languages. Shan's question seemed to slap me hard.

No Shan! No, you won't like your friends! You will not lose your beautiful hair!

"No dear..."

~tbc...