Our Love Among Corona

Is My Heart Really With Vavan

Vavan arrived in Jakarta, a few days after my banquet by phone. He was full to hear it. But I know, he wouldn't mind if I repeated it over and over again. We decided to meet at one of the cafes in South Jakarta, where we often met.

“Tumben did not meet at Ayam Gepuk” he said approached and hugged me when he arrived at the cafe.

“I don't want to eat Clap!” I said.

Vavan widened his eyes.

“Since when? You don't have appetite Clap?” ask her while bringing her face closer to mine. He seemed to want to find something there, looking for the missing answer.

“Since broken up!” ketus.

“Mhmm..this is very serious. Anything I can do?” tanyanya wait.

I saw his facial expression up close. His two thick eyebrows were clinging to each other, clearly he was waiting for an answer. I looked at his pure white face, handsome Vavan, I muttered to myself. Wake up Vashla, does it matter at the moment. He's your friend, who will always be there to listen and help you.

“Be my girlfriend!” those words just came out of my mouth.

“Wait, what?” he was shocked by what he had just heard.

“Iya, be my girlfriend” I repeat my words.

He was silent, probably still fumbling over every answer to the question he asked himself in his mind. I see, it must be difficult for him to understand my current condition. Ask for something he never expected. Actually, I also made my own body shock. Where did this crazy idea come from? All this time I've been keeping my friendship with Vavan very close. The love he gave me meant a lot. Asking her to be my girlfriend, it felt like betraying our sacred friendship. Because if this happens, it will surely contaminate what we have been building together.

I know, he and I would disagree if our friendship was lodged between my momentary passions and egos. Just because I'm fragile and hurt. I found another reason, I was scared. I was afraid to face Lukaku alone, so I dragged others into my situation. At this point, I see clearly the weakness I have.

“Why the hell do you need an escape? Why not take it?” he asked after a moment of silence.

Obviously he knows what I mean, making him a mere escape. I feel like a traitor who uses a close friend to pretend to face this reality with me. But on the one hand, I want to be honest too. I want to open my heart to Vavan to enter a different dimension of relationship. Oh is that really? Be honest? I was lying, I don't know, I don't know.

“How about we try it?” I didn't answer the question, I added a new one.

Luky always reminds me that it is impolite to answer questions by asking questions. Ah Luky, even just by remembering it, my blood rippled furiously and longed. How is this, why is it so hard, even when I'm with Vavan. A close friend I chose to try something new in our relationship.

“If the cave does not want?” Vavan also replied to my question again.

"Vash...Vashla, you don't know how to give up when you want something".

I saw Vavan shaking his head. He was silent for a moment. I pulled my body and leaned on the chair. Looking at him with mixed feelings at the moment. Vavan refused me, should I find a new one. My runaway man, I must be crazy by now.

“In life, sometimes we have to face what happens with a brave heart. The current tense of the relationship is a new way to strengthen yourself. Learn and don't always seek God's answers for what happened. Sometimes, accepting events as they are, is the path of independence itself” Vavan conveys something I have never heard of.

What happened here, why did he suddenly become so wise? Has returning home some time changed him and his way of thinking? Mature, and wise. But this is not what I want to hear right now. Egoku demands that he agree to my invitation, to betray my own heart which keeps calling out Luky's name. I know, not fair to Vavan at all. But I wonder what would happen if I made this decision.

“I want an answer” I say again. Demanding further explanation, what exactly is his decision. He rejected me or agreed, I can't guess his way of thinking.

“Oke, cave to try. Gua knows this is gonna be weird for both of us, because we didn't plan this. But remember! What if in the end we would really put our hearts on each other, beyond the limits of our own friendship? Which means, what we are doing right now, is not just a way of escape, but there will be a price we have to pay in the future of”.

His words pierced my heart. Vavan, having grown up, I hadn't noticed this side of him all along. In a heavy breath, I came back closer to him.

“I'll take whatever price I have to pay?” I said without thinking.

“Lo sure? This is the price of friendship you bet. It's not two years, we're together as friends. Genk Clapuk is formed with love. Do not let the ego temporarily destroy what we have built” he said again.

Gluey! I fell into his words. Slowly I felt, this not easy road was like a new burden. Ah I think about it later, I don't want to back down with these words that I've already expressed.

It was a hard day as well as a relief. I kissed Vavan's lips for the first time. I clasped his hand and held his body as we parted. There is a sense of winning in my heart, but also a sense of losing there because it has obeyed my ego.

I saw the flickering street lights of Jakarta as usual. I was caught between traffic jams at various intersections and red lights heading for my apartment. I'll send a message to Tania, that I'll be home soon.

Jakarta, a hard city for me, but also a city that presents me with a variety of life experiences. Lovely friendship, romance, frustration and despair, but also always accompanied by new expectations.

I'm sending a message to Mauli and Livi. I want to tell them what just happened. But not tonight, I'm too tired. Tomorrow, it's my day to tell a story with Genk Gepukku. Back to miss them. The nights we laugh, eat Clap, drink tea while venting, sports in the park while flirtatious on the guys there. A beautiful and warm friendship. Living in a city as big as Jakarta, without close and sincere friends, it feels hard.

“You enter the apartment area or outside the gate only mbak?”’ the sound of an online taxi driver awakened my daydream.

“Just enter pak” my command.

Towering buildings. My apartment tower is in the corner. It's time to rest after today's Long drama.