Our Love Among Corona

Chapter 1 When Estonia Calls Me

I used to dream of being in this position. Now, opportunity has delivered him into my hands. Here I am, doused in doubt. Should I go fulfill the dream call? Or turn away, for old wounds will be gaping, if I return to the same place.

My heart wants to come back, but it's also scared. I who was once injured, should return to face my own fear. Fear of sadness, loneliness, and the trauma of being abandoned. How do I fulfill my next call when this heart has not healed from its pain.

I came back to his house, to discuss the wounds. Because he's the right place, which has filled a big space in my heart as I escape from listening to myself. My mentor I mean, the one who gave his heart to listen without judging every story that flowed from my mouth.

A new job, in a land far away from Indonesia, where my heart once hurt. Is it wise to pick up a dream where I have lost a dream? This is the question that keeps coming up in my head.

I know it's not an easy decision. Can't I suddenly say yes and then be infiltrated into doubt which drags me into all limits of my incompetence.

Estonia is not close, even by plane it can take almost 20 hours to travel. That's why I came and prepared for this big decision. Because, if it turns out that I am so fragile and want to give up, it will take so much time to change course.

"Go, fulfill your call. Something new is waiting for you in Estonia." He released me so confidently.

The person I call the mentor of this life, I often come before making a big decision. More precisely, reassure the heart when doubt approaches.

"I just don't want to go back to the old wounds. It's all too painful to remember" I hesitated.

"Face or die. If you choose to run away, your soul actually dies in your own struggle. For you do not struggle to face all pain. One day, all wounds will kill you in their own way" he said.

Like yesterday, today is the same, we always discuss at the round table of his house. A table that has listened to much of the heart, whether about love or hurt.

I have spent many days coming to him and listening to his advice. Probably exactly 5 years since I moved to this capital.

He was the one who changed the course of my life. Roll up so many of my fears and replace them with my confidence. He made me believe that I had all the fighting gasoline I needed to succeed in my life.

The trust that led me to choose Jakarta as a place to fight. Now, the way of life is different, like the limit of my time has ended in this beloved city of mine.

Jakarta is too comfortable, I know it feels out of my comfort zone or the sense of security that I have been holding, will always be filled with fears. Some fears are reasonable, but some are not.

So even with me, of course, heavy, when close friends are all here, every day can meet and chat. In the bustling feel of the capital, the warm weather has always divided my loneliness.

Go away from the land of birth, live in one of the coldest countries in the world, where the sun does not often greet. It was originally a dream, winning a job that might be the target of many people. However, again, this tropical girl has become too accustomed in the comfort and warmth of the land of Indonesian paradise. What's more, my heart, found another reason that made it hard to leave.

"Don't be tempted by the comfort you have now. That'll make you forget to grow, "next advice.

"Many people die in their comfort because they no longer thrive. Not his body, but his soul. People are immersed in routine, no passion and lulled in their comfort zone. There is nothing wrong, if it is the choice of each person. But baby, if you're young like you don't choose adventure."

His words aroused my passion. He was right, maybe later when I was older I had more money, but what for when I met so many limitations in adventure.

Right now maybe I only have a little money, is not it better to take all the risks and continue the various opportunities by adventuring in this world.

How do I know what he called something new has been waiting for me in Estonia. Maybe it is time to strengthen the heart, face the wounds and pick up the new one there.

"What's waiting for me there?" I was full of curiosity.

Seduced, I wanted to ask further, but I held myself back. A soul mate, it's always an attraction I want to know about. Because he always said that my soul mate is in Europe, not in Indonesia.

Past failures scare me into thinking about continuing this one-related struggle. Although, there is another side in me that wants to try once more.

I often choose European countries in the course of the projects I lead. Every time I fly, I always give my eyes. Who, who is my soul mate, who is it or who is there, sometimes I am ashamed to see my own behavior. But I believe, my hijrah this time goes beyond the journey of finding the soul mate itself.

"What if I fail to survive? and I want to go home?" ask again.

"Don't decide something half-and-half. If you make a decision, don't look back. Go ahead and take on all the challenges" he said.

His words have always encouraged this heart. Although I know, fragility will definitely stop later. No one said emigrating was an easy job, I reminded myself.

"Remember always this sentence, it is better to die fighting for dreams than to die in doubt and fight for nothing" he added.

How could I forget this sentence. Of course it is neatly stored in my heart. Because the advice from him is what makes me able to step foot across to the capital for the first time in 2013.

Long before venturing out, I was one of the volunteers who worked in his organization, right after the tsunami ravaged our land.

Who can forget the tsunami of December 26, 2004. The biggest disaster in Asia that claimed 200 thousand lives more instantly in our hometown. It cannot be forgotten in the history of human life.

Beloved with the water that pooled in the ocean that took away souls. I believe this incident was perpetuated in various ways. For us, the generation that experienced, of course share through the story of our grandchildren.

Since volunteering, our close relationship deserves a son and a father or a sister and a brother or a friend. I kept the misery well. Believe in his advice and bravely rise to believe in dreams.

The long journey of village children who live far from urban, all limited and have no network. Then grow confident and take all the opportunities.

Not only penetrated all opportunities at the national level, I have been passing buana to various countries and follow international programs.

"Go, take every opportunity in front of you!" the words are always the same every time I graduate a program or get a certain opportunity.

He always wanted me to take part and not waste the opportunity that came. Always believe that by doing so, the other streets will be open. Including working and living abroad. Among all the countries that have been on my dream list, Estonia has never been there before.

I feel more challenged in the big countries in Europe, not with the small countries. But the opportunity said otherwise, sometimes we never know, the steps of the struggle will lead us to the boundary of which land.

The opportunity to lead several international projects gave me a new job in Estonia. This country in northern Europe is a country that is developed in terms of technology and is often touted as the country of the future.

Estonia, the place where thousands of Start Up were born and became one of the strongest countries in supporting Start Up companies in the world. With great concern from its government, Estonia has gone far ahead. It has become a dream country for young people especially Start Up lovers. This is the opportunity I should be fighting for.

At first it wasn't my wish to live there. I remember the target my mentor gave me. I used to come and stay with him for a while.

"Another year in Indonesia, after that move yes, wander and take on new challenges" he said at that time which was encouraging but also challenging.

I knew, regardless of what awaited me, this call would be fulfilled. I can hear Estonia calling my name. Starting a new life in the Baltic country might give me a new story and be able to treat old stories of wounds. I am Vashla, returning to Estonia to answer my new calling.