Our Love Among Corona

Make Peace with Memories

We walked a few hundred meters from the park. The next place we went to was the Shopping Center. This is one of the biggest malls in Tallinn City. The size is indeed much different than malls in Jakarta which are larger and taller buildings. There's a reason why the next place is this mall. This is where I once had a wonderful memory with K. In the past, when watching movies, seeing scenes of how couples waited for each other under the snow, then hugging to let go of longing after so long without seeing, that was one of my dreams. I want to have that story in my relationship. I was in that scene once.

I can remember, after more than 6 months of not meeting K, he who was conscripted at the time and was rarely able to get out. Plus I live in Indonesia and can only go to Estonia once every 6 months. Had held a long long long longing, until the day we met arrived. I could no longer concentrate on my meeting that day. Because the heart has been filled with passionate longing. K sent a message that he was waiting for me in front of the Solaris Center, the name of the mall in Tallinn. It's only about 350 metres from my office.

I can remember my heart singing in the elevator, going down the building and out onto the street stepping among the snowflakes. It felt like the red light I was waiting for lasted a long time until the green arrived. My lips kept smiling, they were beautifully splitting the Tallinn sky. Step by step it felt sluggish, walking past several bars and old buildings. Go straight down the roads that people, cars, buses and even bicycles take in winter.

From a distance of 100 meters I could see a man in army uniform, gallant standing in front of the mall, straight at the entrance. But he did not choose to be under the canopy mall, he stood close to the highway, under the snow that continued to fall filled his hair and face. My heart thumped as the last red light flashed. Just a few steps, as soon as the green light I ran across the street and jumped into his arms.

How I forgot, those wonderful memories. Even the scent of his body, is still so thick in my memory. The smell of the forest because he had just returned from his duty of staying in the forest for two nights. Maybe the scent is still left in the green uniform. The beautiful memories were then tempered by bitterness as our relationship ended. My eyes glazed over as I stood back in the same place. At the place where I hugged K and kissed him.

Luky put both his hands on my waist and pulled me so close. It was warm and warm in his breath. He kissed my lips without letting go of his embrace.

"Now, remember this. Hugs and kisses from the man who loves you. From the man who will be your husband" he said as he placed his hands on both of my cheeks.

I dissolved in her arms with her beautiful words. From now on, I forgive, I make peace with that bitter past story. I opened new pages and beautiful new memories with my son. We just went around the mall for a little while. Because the stomach is still full, and indeed intends to end the last place visit to make peace with memories with K.

The next place was the magnificent Orthodox Catholic Church that loomed mighty in the middle of Tallinn City. Yes, that's how we'll walk. Pass through the narrow alleys of Oldtown all the way to the city fortress. Anyone can see the giant domes soaring like the dome of this mosque. In this place, I used to accompany K to pray to his Lord.

Not without reason, the war has devastated this country for many years. He was captured and banished from his own land. Those who were killed were simply thrown out of their homes and their property taken away. Not a few of them died because they had nothing left. War hurts everyone's heart. Whether they are the ones who win or the ones who lose the battle, both are actually losing. There is no real victory in war.

K is of Russian descent, although he is a citizen of Estonia. But his soul is still very Russian although he also had to do conscription to serve the country of Estonia. K has so many wounds in his life. One of them is the identity crisis that he experienced. However, come to think of it, who has no wounds in this world. Everyone has their own wounds. Depends on how people respond to the wound. It's a mistake to get hurt and then choose to hurt someone else.

Wait, did I come here, to this Cathedral church to go back to blame K or judge him. Why am I doing this? Wasn't his intention to make peace, to forgive what had happened so that I could start a new journey. Ego speaks higher. However, the memories of the wound cannot be removed. That I was hurt by it, I had to admit it and learn to accept it.

"Yuk to the corner" Luky pulled my hand not to stand in the middle.

Some people light candles, then pray fervently. There was a singing voice accompanying. Smooth and solemn voice. The house of worship always invites newness. Whatever the form, church, mosque, temple or temple. A holy place where prayers are sprinkled to the sky. What prayers? I asked myself. Forgiveness of course. I hope the forgiveness in my heart is wide open. Forgive K and myself. Accept that the path of love is just that. It consists of hurt and happiness. K is the past and will never be the future. Because I have chosen Luky as my future.

All right, K, in this place we've been together. Today, with my new love, I came to visit. Because I want our old memories. I'm closing them off forever. Thank you for all the stories you've written in Tallinn's magic city. In this city too, the universe brought me a new love. Love that heals the wounds you once left behind. Thank you for the relationship that ended. I forgive my heart and your heart, my nature and your nature. I'm happy now.

I opened my eyes. Luky peeped my cheek.

"Thank you" he said with a smile at me. We held hands tightly while leaving the place. My heart is at peace now. Bye Bye K's.