Our Love Among Corona

Allan for the Last Time

I contacted Allan, after several times Allan called me to meet. I always refuse for various reasons, one of which is also the reason that is in need of time to organize the heart. Now, I'm the one who started. Calling him, asking him how he was doing, discussing his work and so on until I conveyed my intention to want to see him soon.

"We'll meet you at my apartment. While cooking Estonian food. After all, Corona's time is like this, it's not safe to hang out outside," he suggested. Although my heart invites anxiety at the same time.

The natural thing is, this worry is coming. How do I start this story. That my arrival at her apartment was because I wanted to break up with her. I must be crazy. What if he berserked and convinced me. While it was his apartment, he had complete power over the situation.

"But I didn't stay the night" I tried to tell him at the beginning. Signs that my arrival was just for a stopover.

This stop may be the last time. I want to end this relationship in a good way. If indeed the relationship is getting longer into a relationship that I do not want, why do I maintain it. I struggled with word. Not because I want to talk about what I'm doing. More how to convey reality. This is something that seems easy but not easy.

Many people choose to avoid face-to-face, when relationship conditions are complicated and then must be ended. I don't want to do it that way. Slowly disappearing without news forever. Or write a message through a letter to avoid anger wrath and so on. I know how painful that is. It was in that condition that I was dumped once. Including being dumped by K.

"Are you sure I don't want company?" ask Luky as I prepare to leave.

"No, I have to finish this for our future" I continued.

He then kissed me, I saw great objection and anxiety on his face. Usually he also let go of me while on a date with Allan outside or would spend the night in his apartment. That was when his status was still as a friend. Now, he let me go as his best friend and girlfriend. Watching me walk behind the door. Then walk quickly behind me to hug me back. I let her hold me for a moment, she hugged me from behind.

"Can you call me right away if there's anything?" he said while not letting go of his embrace.

"Don't worry. His apartment he's in the middle of the city is not in a secluded place. I can always run away whenever there's something". I laughed when I said this. Drama feels, Allan anyway is my girlfriend who soon became my ex. He won't hurt me.

"Make sure I'm back in good shape" I continued. We were facing each other now and I kissed him one more time before going down the stairs.

The taxi drove out of our apartment. Passing through several other apartment buildings that are soft yellow is called the afternoon sun. Pirita is always beautiful with its scenery, the trees are tight along the road around the area where I live, graceful and charming. In less than an hour, I arrived at Allan's apartment. Pretty fast today, the streets are not too crowded. I'm nervous.

"Hi, my love" she hugged me and kissed my lips long before the door. Then we climbed the stairs to the 2nd floor to his apartment.

"What are you cooking today?" I asked while walking into the kitchen. Washing my hands with soap, remembering Luky's words to always do it in this Corona time.

Allan mentioned some of the Estonian food he prepared. We both enjoyed it. Maybe it was just me who enjoyed this meal. Because I, myself, drifted into my mind along with the chewing of this food I was eating. After eating, we relaxed on the sofa, he played his hand with my hand. At the same time I started to catch my breath and word to tell him. He then continued his touch to the rest of my body. Keep exploring all the sensitive parts of my body.

"I want to tell you something" I said, then caught his hands. I held her tight and our eyes met. I could see fretting there, as if she had been reading something for a long time.

"Don't tell me you want to break up with me" her words now sound like a threat to me.

"I can't continue this relationship. I found my heart not here. After some time, I realized I had never been myself in this long. All I do is always want to look perfect in your eyes".

He let go of my hand. Wrath from his face, that's what I read. I've never seen a level of anger that peaked this high before. I was in danger, I thought.

"You messed with me" the words that came out next from his mouth.

"No. If you remember, the first time we started this relationship, we agreed to give it a try. Not that we're ready for a more serious level. There is no discussion between us going there. Plus, I don't know all your real sides. You're too closed to me. I always struggle to find a way to get to know you more closely. But I felt like I never got to that place" My words are now accompanied by tears in tears. Why I cry, I don't know.

There is a burden in my heart. I found myself doing him unfairly too. Like starting my relationship with Luky just before ending my relationship with him properly. Now, I decided it by judging him. I realized later, I was being cruel about this. Is it too late to apologize? Admitting that I am the one who is Khilaf. Why, what's wrong. I only choose the person my heart chooses, what's wrong with that. I'm debating myself now.

Allan walked towards the door and then locked the door of the apartment. I got off the couch scared. It was at that moment that I remembered my own words when Luky let me go in the apartment. It's too likely that I was killed by my own ex as I read the news.

"It won't be that easy. You'll pay for it" Now, he's not the Allan I know at all. His tears turned violent, he was full of anger and grabbed my body.

I threw my body on the couch, and then for the first time in my life, I experienced relationship violence. He slapped me repeatedly, choked me and hit my body many times with his maleness. I thought this was the day I would die at the hands of this man.

My voice choked as he choked me and no matter how many times I shouted, no more of my voice was heard. I wasn't quick to fight because I thought he wouldn't do this to me. Too late, it would be very painful for my life to die in this condition, I thought. I fought with all my strength. He's too big to push. I'll be dead soon.