Our Love Among Corona

When His Ex is Back

Pandemics, isolation, quarrels with prospective men who will soon marry, and longs that ravage the heart. It hurts so much to accept all this, when it feels like we have no power in saving our relationship. How about we split up, how about we split up, how about we split up, I kept muttering to myself.

One thing I forgot, that law of attraction works well is usually for me. Because my energy is directed at the worry of loss, at the negativity I face, guess what happens. Exactly, that worry was at its peak.

I looked at the lake from my window. Outside, the weather is clear. The lake water bounces off in the sun. Although the lake looks so small among the other buildings that rise in the capital Jakarta, but the charm of the lake remains beautiful. I often stand in my bedroom window, when I'm thinking hard. I miss. I'm putting a call through the screen to get back to him. Just a few seconds and he lifted up.

"I miss you" I said.

"I miss you too" she replied.

It was still cold, I could feel that we were both harboring longing, but still frozen in the next sentences that flowed in our conversation. I can understand that the factor is not just the photo and the song, but also the frustration of the pandemic. His dad said when I called two days ago, that he's been drinking a lot lately.

Frustrated at not being able to fly anywhere, he was accepted into one of Switzerland's new jobs. But since the border was still close, he had not been able to get there. While Germany, its residence especially today was like a dead city. Bars, restaurants, hotels and other entertainment venues were all closed. Only supermarkets are open for daily shopping.

"Luky, come out yuk! I want to take a walk to the park near here" said the voice of the woman across the street. I could hear it clearly and my blood rippled in jealousy. Who is it, why does he look so close to Luky.

"Okay, wait a second!" answer Luky. My heart is burning, though I don't know who it is yet.

"That's who?" didn't wait long. I asked ketus.

"Sherlyn!" answer's short.

"Sherlyn who? Your old ex?" I need to convince myself and still hope that it's not him.

"Yes. He stayed here, during the weekend. Again have problems with his family" Luky replied.

His short answer, lit the jealous flame that had previously been heated up. My body was boiling, his ex stayed with Luky's family for the weekend. That means he has more time with Luky. Something I don't have right now.

"I'm jealous of Sherlyn" this line just slid out of my mouth.

"Stay, I'm jealous!" i said again.

"Whatever! I have to go now” he said and hung up.

We both continue the war. It's difficult, because we have a great sense of jealousy, but we're also being overwhelmed by negative energy. In my heart, I believe we both don't want to hurt each other this way. I also believe in his heart, and so must he. But the ego within us is too big right now. No one wants to budge, and as if to over-express each other's emotions, is a satisfying path.

Luky is busy with Sherlyn in his house. Yesterday, we talked less and now less. Until finally, what I feared happened. Short message via Whatsapp. Wh why? Why this painful experience must be repeated. In the past, I was decided by a Long letter via Whatsapp from K. Now, Luky did the same? I can't believe all this.

I want to try my relationship with Sherlyn again. It is time to end this painful relationship. Just that, the short message buried all the sweet memories we had.

I cried like a madman in my room, hitting my chest in such deep disappointment. I blocked all access for me. Whatsapp, Instagram, facebook and all. It's too painful, to accept reality in times like this.

I feel God is unfair. I have had so many painful experiences in my relationships with other men before. I think God is so evil, if you do this to me when I want to fight for a relationship towards marriage. What am I gonna do with the wedding dress I just bought? What am I gonna tell my family? When all was told, that our marriage was about to take place. Just have to wait for the border to open and our love will soon be united in the bonds of marriage.

What will my friends say? What say all the people who have followed all our love stories that I have posted on various social media? What did the neighbor say? What does the world say? Nope, no! I can't face reality right now?

No, not about anyone else, I have to ask myself. What am I feeling right now? What was the most painful thing when I lost him like this? Rejection? Being ignored? Dumped? Feeling thrown away after being loved? What am I feeling?

May I not answer these questions at this time. I can't even answer the question that's currently in my head. I just want to survive, and hope this is all a dream. Wake me up from this nightmare.

The most bitter days in the pandemic. The gaping wound found no cure.

I work like a madman. Drowning myself in the mountain work of the office. From waking up to sleeping again, try various ways not to remember it. I do some volunteer work that I follow. Leading gallantly in public, but no, when I returned to my room and alone. Tania, lost her way in entertaining. He knew very well, I ran very fast to get rid of all the feelings that anchored my miss to him.

I began to think of committing treason with myself, which was to seek the heart. Although, I know very well, no one can replace Luky in my heart. Such a deep love for my beloved who just dumped me. Even though the days have passed, I have not given her space to access my existence.

Luky contacted me via social media, asked about me and repeatedly told them he wanted to talk. For me, the last message from him was the closing conversation. There's nothing more to talk about. Our sweet relationship is over. I called Vavan, he said he would be arriving in Jakarta soon. My heart has a little spark Happy. Since none of Genk Gepuk returned to Jakarta, the news of Vavan's return was a hope for a bit of my excitement.