Our Love Among Corona
Not Love or Sex
Luky still has marks on his face, and so does Alif. Not with Mas Senar because he was quite deft to withstand the blow and protect his face. I don't know how the Russian men beat them yesterday. Maybe they are also still battered after being beaten by Mas Senar with his silat style.
Team Indonesia vs Russia, the match took place on Estonian soil. Because of the Corona that is being hit, not only hit the world community in terms of economy, but also mental health that is disrupted. The effect is mixed, one that we experienced yesterday. What a day!
On the other hand, I have my own problems. Heart condition that has not been completed. Where is my feeling actually anchored. Although Luky, did not discuss it further, he continued to continue his attitude as if I was his girlfriend.
My heart was facing doubt, deepening and deepening. Is my heart for Allan or for Luky. Who exactly do I want. I enjoyed my relationship with Allan but also with Luky. Although, after the last meeting with Allan, my feelings for her were shaken even further. The way he treated me didn't keep me safe after that. Is this a sign? My heart has found its fullest inclination on Luky. I feel trapped between this Estonian and German guy. I need a discussion with my mentor. This condition even disrupted my concentration.
"Abang, I have a question," I quickly cut in our greetings and updates at the beginning of the conversation via phone. I called my mentor brother. He was like a brother to me, even though he was close to 50, I chose to call him brother. Because of his physical condition and face that also looks much younger than his age.
I know my mentor wouldn't usually ask me what. He just waited knowing that I wouldn't wait if I wanted to ask him something. A sense of impatience that excited, has happened so often.
"If a relationship needs to be maintained or fought for, what are the biggest considerations to think about?" My brain is trying to process some answers. Surely he will answer love, loyalty and so on, I thought.
"Obviously neither love nor***" he replied.
I'm speechless. Guess wrong. Whats? Not love? How could? When everyone puts love above everything and love is not the answer. My mentor may be dazed, tired or not feeling well.
"Are you there?" I asked after I was silent for a while. He probably knew I was surprised by the answer he gave. He often knew how to lure me into thinking about the answers he gave me.
"Oh, this answer is beyond my expectations. Why not love or ****?" ask him again.
"Because of love or ****, both will fade and even disappear one day". Jem! How to answer me.
My mentor is different. I always need time to digest what he says. Everywhere people would say that love is everything. Love is the reason why everyone gets on their knees and gives himself up completely.
"I don't understand, isn't love the reason why people decide to be together or live together?" I'm still trying to find a gap in the refutation. Totally disapprove of what I just heard. He must be upset when he says this.
"Do you also see how love is an excuse for people to leave each other?" tanyanya.
"It's complicated. So how does that mean? If love is not a consideration in maintaining a relationship. What should be the consideration?" askaku.
"Safe and comfortable feeling and the opportunity to be yourself completely. That's what should be a big consideration in a relationship" he replied.
"Isn't there a sense of security and comfort first, only then love?".
"Not necessarily, there are many people who actually do not feel safe in their relationship, or uncomfortable with the person but blinded by love. So that he could lose himself in order to keep someone by his side".
"Can we explain it further?" I don't know how many times I keep asking.
"So, if you can't be yourself while you're with her, then this relationship needs further consideration. Cook for the rest of your life to be someone else. Don't try to be nice because of your partner, as if everything you do to look good or please him. For example, as simple as farting in front of him you can not, or without make up and so on. A relationship is worth maintaining when the people we live with are like our own friends. There is no need for a mask to be someone else. There's no need to fear that he's leaving us just because we want to be ourselves. Feeling safe because we believe that he accepts us completely. We feel good about ourselves and about him" his words went deep into my brain.
Now, I need some time to digest her words further. These words have been so sharp and forgotten by me all this time. Especially in my relationship with Allan, now that I've questioned it several times, I slowly understood. If I think about it and relate it to this discussion, it is only with Luky that I become fully myself. While with Allan, right, I still always try to be or look good in front of him. Sometimes, though, I give in to myself.
Why am I doing this, to a man I've not known for long. Indeed, he is my girlfriend, but what I am fighting for and keeping in a long-term relationship.
Geck! poke! tok!. Definitely Luky. He was waiting for me to finish the phone.
"Vashla, would you like to make some honey lemon tea?" The bargain from behind the door.
"You, I'm out soon" I shouted.
I sat for a while in my bed. Oh, too tired of my thoughts. It is always easy to make a decision if things are clearer. Now, it's much clearer than before. However, I found the fog still hanging there. Not love or***, I'm repeating my mentor's words.
"Here, drink together while it's hot. We have to drink a lot of lemon and herbal drinks like to boost the body's immunity. Corona strikes fast for people who are especially immune weak," Luky as usual is very concerned.
Cases are increasing every day, who died not a little. Where will the condition of this Corona take us all. No one really knows. World experience of pandemics, millions of mankind have died from viral conditions. What about this time? Is it the same, it will kill millions of mankind as well? I shuddered at imagining it. Oh I have other issues right now too.
