IN THE CAGE

57. THE WAY TO GO

...FAWN...

...----------------...

All this time, I never regretted my actions or my decisions. Even when I was a prisoner here, I was upset at my situation, but that doesn't mean I blame Anggara's boss and Miss Indira for my misfortune. I know what's wrong is not the two of them but Ace. My job does involve the risk of torture and death on her contract, so I won't be surprised or scared when I decide to die. I realized all of this from the beginning.

As for Ace who changed his mind and did not kill me, I was indeed very angry and desperate under his control. I hate him who changes his mind as easily as flicking a hand. Sometimes he is good and sometimes he gets bad. I hate Ace Hunter, but I don't feel any hatred towards Anggara's boss who has sent me to jump into this situation.

I never tasted the regret that left my heart and skin so deeply clawed - not until I recalled how crazy it was that I reached for Ace Hunter's face and ******* the lips of the man were like a woman who had already lost her sanity.

Yeah, kissed Ace Hunter-and wrestled with him in a supposedly non-existent madness-I regretted it all when sanity regained control of my head. I don't understand my heart. The man's face may be handsome and charming, but his actions are very bad. His good looks are no reason to forget the evil he once committed in my heart. The humiliation I received for being forced to live with that man was huge, but I kissed him like a cheap woman.

Given the incident, I want to curse myself. Jump from the tallest tower, break a bone and die. It was better than thinking that the kiss was so thrilling.

I hate Ace Hunter, I've said this over and over again but. What was I thinking?

Today again, inside the same room, an aura of hostility was very thick between the two of us. He didn't say anything to his attitude the other day that scared me, and I, I wouldn't want to make peace with him. It is time for me to wake up to reality, no matter how well he shows his attitude, he is the one who makes me suffer. He put this bracelet on my leg, my chain of freedom.

I won't forgive him until I die!

"What are you thinking?" felix's voice greeted me who had been silent. I looked towards the old man who often looked for trouble. Today, that old bastard wearing an apron entered my room. Black apron with a dry snack in the deck.

I started to feel like an animal that needed to be fed at a certain hour. Every 10am, 2pm and 4pm, Felix would come and change snacks for me. That doesn't include hours for heavy meals.

"I think since you're here you and Ace's boss are at least at peace."

"Haaah, what can be reconciled from our situation? Are you going to make peace with the man who wants to kill your parents?"

Felix put the tray on the table as usual. "Boss Ace did it for yourself, he doesn't want you to go. At least think of Ace's boss position as well. You're the only one who can comfort her lately. No, rather, you are one of the wonders of this world, Fawn. Ace's boss has always performed so hard in front of us that we don't see him as a human but a robot. But since you've been around, she's become more understanding and human."

"Then, should I caress her hair and kiss her feet to thank her?"

I don't know why Ace softened on me, but whatever it was, his current changes didn't justify his past actions at all. I still haven't forgiven him for killing Joseph.

Oh, Joseph, thinking that his life ended too soon because I made my whole body feel like it was being pierced by a needle. My heart aches with feelings of guilt and regret. I.., I'm so sorry I acted rashly. I'm so sorry I kissed an enemy who killed my own friend.

I just feel like dying today.

"Felix, help me get out of here..." I made a desperate plea. I knew he wouldn't accept my request, but I didn't know who to ask. I really wanted to get away from this place before I lost my sanity.

"I won't be able to help you with that" Felix answered as I expected. "The only person who can help you get out of here is yourself, Fawn."

"Huh, yeah. Like I'm a James Bond who can slaughter a whole house with his eyes closed next to it?"

"You know not everything depends on physical strength, right?" Felix looked at me with seriousness. I stopped commenting sarcastically and looked back at him.

"Some wars are won with the mind, Fawn. If you know how to use your mind, I believe. You can get out of here."

"Have you just encouraged me?"

Felix shook his head. "I'm just tired of giving you food."

That's a reasonable reason. For the first time that day, I smiled at Felix's words. The old man who was always looking for trouble for me with his cynical voice and his sharp eyes-today cleared away the fog that covered my eyes. He gave me something I might be able to do...I-I just need to think now.

With a determination that began to burst, I sauntered towards the balcony. My steps are light. I need some fresh air and afternoon sunshine now.

"Joseph?" my lips are drying open. Are my eyes fooling me or is Joseph-Joseph really still alive and breathing down there? If it's Joseph then...,

I turned around with trembling steps. My knees were limp, as the power from my body slowly weakened. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Is it relief, shock, emptiness or even hatred?

My heart is like being squeezed strong. I went into the room and sat on the sofa. My mind was still processing my vision earlier and for God's sake, it was Joseph. He was alive and breathing was fine. She...., is alive?

"I'll let you know later" Ace's voice rang out near the door. My heart slipped when I realized the man's whereabouts. He-he is the source of all the pain that is lodged in my heart right now. My eyes were hot with a burning emotion.

The sound of Ace's approaching steps made me raise my head. Our eyes just met. He always did that when he came back, he would search for my whereabouts before continuing whatever it was that he wanted to do. But not today. I'm not going to let him continue whatever it is.

"Aces..." I called him with a voice that I pressed so as not to be a shout. My eyes were staring at him while my heart was pounding again.

"What's wrong?" Ace stood behind the sofa, hands busy rolling up his shirt sleeves.

"Is there something you haven't told me?"

"Yes?"

How could he keep Joseph a secret? I.., I thought Joseph was dead. I even grieved for a few days and to this day, I still feel deep regret for Joseph's death. My mind is tormented and... and he tricked me?

Does he not know how much my heart bleeds over fear and guilt, that...Joseph, the man I have considered a brother, a comrade in arms and an innocent man, died because of me?

Is my suffering so comforting?

"Is there something that's stuck in your mind again?"

I didn't say anything for a long time. I.., I was pensive in disbelief. Ace is a cruel man, I've been aware of that since the first day I learned of his whereabouts. But.., I can't help but be surprised by his savagery.

I.., I wish there was a little light in her heart. I wanted to believe, the reason that my heart was beating fast just because of its existence was because I saw a light within its darkness.

 But now I understand what Ace said. He's right, I'm full of naivety.

"Nothing..." I shook my head.

I've made up my mind, even if it means that I turned into a demon and lost my innocence in the darkness, I-I'll get out of this place.

"You sure you're okay?"

I shook my head and forced a thin snort to bloom on my face right then and there. "I'm just. I'm hungry. Would you like to eat with me?"

"Huh?"

"I'm tired of being alone, accompany me to eat."

Ace looked puzzled for a moment, but said nothing as he approached the sofa. I glanced at his face from the side and felt a pain in the chest. If in Ace's eyes love is a weakness, then I will make him love me. I'm not confident but.., I'll try to get her weakness. 

Steal her heart and go. He will not be able to hurt the people he loves.

I will win this war.

...----------------...