For Me And Him

End

Dozens of umbrellas open over Tamy's funeral. I could only stand still as I watched the girl's body enter her final resting place.

Still not willing, but also helpless. There's nothing else to do, other than to be sincere.

I looked at the body wrapped in white cloth it began to be placed, opened part of his face and kissed to the ground.

While Leo was still crying, albeit without a sound but I knew his tears had never dried since Tamy breathed his last.

Slowly, tears came, scrambling to show his presence when I heard the humming of the Adhan that sounded so hoarse from Leo's lips.

I'm not strong, actually I'm not able to see all this. But I can't leave either, my beloved lying there.

Now the thin boards began to cover his body. Disappearing the tiny body from sight.

The ground slowly began to cover the hole, but it further scratched the hole in my heart. Every pound of the poultice that closed the hole clashed, the more bitter my heart felt.

Like those who slowly bury my beloved's body. That's how they buried my soul. I live, my heart beats. But it means that it no longer exists. The leaflets disappeared, just like the gravestone at the end of the tomb.

Buried his body, but awakened every memory left behind. Slowly everything beautiful becomes a wound.

What he left behind became a story. A story that once beautifully colored my teenage years. And a heartwarming story to welcome my future.

***

10 Years later.

"Morning, Doc."

"Good morning."

I'm walking down this growing hospital corridor. Adding a lot of buildings in every corner. But still unable to erase the memories that once existed.

I opened the door to the room under the name of dr. Virgo Anthonio Sp.JP on the door leaf.

Let go of my dreams, for the sake of following my lover's wishes first. I still remember what he said.

" ... It would be great if you work to save the lives of others, Virgo. It would be better, if your hands help others to connect his life ..."

It was the words that always ring in my ear after his departure. As much as I could penetrate the medical school. Choose to continue the residency as a cardiologist and blood purifier.

Because after Tamy left, my heart stopped. It beats but its life disappears.

I tried to keep my heart rate stopped, so I could get my pulse back.

But after all these years, I am now conscious. What goes away never comes back. Tamy chose to leave, taking my heartbeat and beating to be buried with him.

.

I opened the door to a simple house that I had been living in for the past ten years. I headed straight for the kitchen, preparing some ingredients for dinner today.

After the food was almost served, the sound of the car stopped in the garage parking lot. Before long the door opened, a baby boy came home with his snell.

"Dad's home yet?" greet me by pulling his hand for a kiss.

"What are you cooking today?" tanyanya enthusiastic.

"I cooked a lot today, Dad sit down and eat first. After that, take a shower and rest."

He just nodded and walked to the dining table. I picked up a few dishes I just finished.

Putting plate after plate in front of the man.

The atmosphere was only silent as dinner went on, for many years I lived with her. We always have dinner at home. Sometimes a word never comes out of our lips.

Our lives just go as they should. No longer in color. No longer cheerful, just walking on its axis, following the development of the world. But paralyzed in our own world.

"Virgo," call her soft.

"Yes." Yeah."

"So Dad was at the outpatient's house. Turns out her husband was an old friend, Dad. His wife's condition is no longer good," explained the gentle father.

"Then, is there a broken blood vessel? Was there a leak or a heart attack?" tanyaku.

"No, Virgo. He's not a heartache. But cancer."

"Then it's Dad's patient. Not my patient" I replied lazily.

"Virgo, Daddy's patient may not be around much longer. Before he died he wanted to see his youngest daughter get married. And ... I want you to accompany me there. Looking at her daughter, who knows she could be the daughter-in-law of this house. Prepare dinner when you return."

I put down the tablespoon and looked at Dad.

"I'm done eating, Dad." I got up and left Dad alone. Walk up the stairs of this simple house.

"Virgo," call Dad to stop my steps.

"When are you going to bring your son-in-law to this house, son? I want to take a grandchild from you."

I breathed and smiled bitterly.

"Did you forget?" many bitter.

"I'm the daughter-in-law of this house, Dad. I'm your son-in-law, the lover of your son."

"But it's over, Virgo."

"But that's the truth, Dad. I'm here, I'm helping Dad in the hospital. I did it all for my son. For the sake of my promise, who will take care of and look after Dad for him."

"But you can't be like this, Virgo. You can already get married. Marry, Son. In order for in the future there are grandchildren who decorate this house, there is a wife who will accompany you. Don't make your life like this."

I just kept quiet, not wanting to answer. Because in the end this will only be a debate that continues for years.

"Virgo, come on, kid. When are you going to be like this? It's been years. You are no longer a teenager. Can't you forget about him?" ask me a little upset.

"It's not impossible, Father," I replied bitterly.

I bowed my gaze and took a breath that began to heavily squeeze my chest.

"I can't forget it. But I don't know how. How should I forget it? How can I leave him, I have no way. Do you know how? If you know, then tell me, Father," I replied.

"Tell me how I can no longer miss him. How can I erase the shadow about him?"

I stared at the father who was still sitting at the dinner table.

"Any time, every second. I miss him, Dad. The seasons change, the years pass by. Passing thousands of nights, enduring the pain of longing. Do you think this is beautiful? My miss is excruciating, but I can't help but think about it, Dad." I swallowed my salivary which was getting bitter.

"The longer, the memories of him instead faded. But getting deeper inside. Even today, I still remember every second of the time I spent with him, Dad. The words that came out from within his lips, even a single word I can't forget his words."

"Say I have to how, Dad? Even when I smile, it hurts a lot. My breath and my smile, all I feel right now is longing. Miss and miss more and more, until I am tormented because I do not know where to anchor this miss."

"Let go, Virgo. Let go of the shadow about, Tamy. You have to move on with your life, son."

"I'm not going to let go, Dad. Even if I have to suffer when I remember it, I will not let go. I'd rather be tormented because I miss him, than I'm happy but in a way forget him."

"Virgo-"

"Dad," I broke up straight away.

"Dad knows why I chose to be a heart doctor?" I asked by holding back the lips that continued to vibrate to hold back the cry.

"I thought I'd be alive when I rekindled the beat that wanted to come to a halt. I think I can breathe again after I pump a heart that doesn't beat anymore. But I was wrong, my heart why not live again? That's because he took her away. Burying together with a body that is no longer alive."

Kusapu cheek that had crossed the water, closed the door of the room. A 10-inch figura beside the door.

Staring fixedly at the face of the girl, a face that could still smile cheerfully. His face still had a lot of expression.

The face that always comes when I close my eyes. And the face that I miss everywhere I go.

A face that will never return, as long as I wait.

"Tamey." I touched that face with my fingers. Shed the liquid over the figura glass.

"I missed you. When are you gonna take me with you?"

"Because of this moment, the love and longing I have. It is a pain that never heals again. Because of the wounds of our beautiful memories that were once created. Keep bringing me into the sea of tears."

.

I raised my hand and read a few verses in front of the funeral.

Every morning before going to the hospital, I would definitely visit him. Just telling a story or just crying without a sound.

Why is it so hard to let go?

I know he's not here anymore, but I also know that there's always someone waiting for him.

Not just me, but him.

"You're here too, Virgo?" tanyanya gently.

I took a breath and looked at her increasingly mature face. But also getting more charming.

"For years? When are you going to be like this? When are you gonna let it go?" tanyanya back.

"Every old friend I meet, they will ask. When are you going to do this?"

I smiled and stared at him who was crouching in front of me.

"Keep you alone? When do you still not want to let go?"

He smiled, shaking his head while stroking the white tombstone.

"I've let go. Just came because I miss him."

"really? I can't believe it," I replied flatly.

"It's up to you."

"Don't lie, Ryu. Don't you think I don't know, for ten years you have had a boyfriend. But you never really dated. You're just trying to turn her away, aren't you?"

Riyu smiled and shook her head. Water a bottle of water on the brown ground.

"I don't know why. But I really can't forget it. Because of him, my mother had the motivation to fight his illness. Because of him, you and I can be brothers. Because she-"

Ryu looked at me and smiled back.

"Because of her, we're both single to this age."

We both laughed, chuckling at the sight of faces facing each other. Before long, the laughter was greeted with tears.

It's been a long time, but for me, for him. This time is still not long enough for the two of us, let go. It took us a long time, I don't know how long. Maybe, this whole lifetime.

Releasing the love of adolescence that leads to prolonged grief. Beautiful color of our story, now a wound that continues to bleed.

You are a very heartbreaking love, Tamy. A very painful longing, and a very stifling beat.

But no matter what the situation, I never gave up. Because loving you is a hurt. So until this moment I can still grieve.

Riyu wiped away her tears. Put a bouquet of flowers on the tomb.

"Go home this afternoon. Miss you. He said his heart often hurts in the morning."

"Well, I'll be there after surgery."

"Don't stay here too long. That'll make you miss him even more."

"I understand" I replied gently.

Riyu nodded her head, walking leaving me alone in this tomb.

I looked again at the name written with the accompanying word of Allah.

"Tamy, I'm sorry I broke a promise. In fact, I still survive for ten years without you by my side."

"I know you'll be angry. But even if you get angry though, you can never lie to me again?"

"If you were still here and could still lie to me, Tamy. Maybe it'll be better."

I exhale and wipe the eyes with the back of the hand.

"It would be better if you could still continue lying, it would be better if you could still continue to scold me, be jealous of me and abuse me. It's all better than you falling asleep here forever, Tamy."

I fell silent, feeling a gust of wind that made the wound feel even deeper.

"But you don't worry, I'm still holding on." I swallowed the increasingly bitter salivation.

"To this day I'm still looking after your father. Even if your father doesn't want to marry again, you don't have to worry. Because this whole life, I'll always look after you."

I poured a bottle of water over this tomb. He looked back at the white headstone.

"Thank you for being in this life, Tamy."

I slowly got up, put a rose over Tamy's grave and walked away from the place I had always been.

I used to ask, why should you be present if it would only leave a wound.  Why should I love you with all the burdens that continue to whack.

But now I know, now I realize.

Your presence is like a wind that stops for a moment, but your shadow remains, forever settled.

You changed my mindset a lot. Life is not just about your feelings.

It's not just about love and hate. It is also about love, regret and forgiveness.

I used to not understand, why when my mother left I was not sad. But revenge that continues to flourish in the heart.

I'm angry, I'm disappointed in Dad. But you introduced me to your father. You introduced me to the real father and son relationship. You made me realize that brother will forever remain brother.

I will forever remain a father. No matter how big the mistake was, there must be an explanation behind it. There is an apology for the change.

So is Ryu, because he met you. Ryu has a friend to strengthen his mother. Trying to convince his mother to stay in the difficult is better, than giving up in surrender.

Tamy, the always cheerful little girl. You are so precious, even your memories alone mean so much to me and Riyu.

You, are a light that pervades for a moment. But when you go, your light still shines without dimming.

Your presence, it carries a lot of meaning for all of us. Especially for me and him.