For Me And Him

27

I looked at my father's hospital's spacious courtyard from the glass of my ward. For three days I tried to escape from this reality.

I don't know when I should be in a world like this. Run away and keep running when the world around me starts to be unfriendly to me.

I was too scared, afraid to accept the fact that I was weak. I was too scared, afraid to accept the statement that I was fragile.

I want the world to know that I am strong now. But I'd rather run away when this harsh reality is revealed.

Honestly I'm tired, honestly I'm sick of continuing to be in this phase. The phase where I had to fight and survive on my own. I hate being pityed, but I also hate standing alone.

I touched the window glass and tried to reach one of the hospital occupants who was down there.

I wanted to go out, but I was too afraid to meet other people.

I looked up when I heard the door open. Dad came in with one of his patients whom he pushed out of a wheelchair.

"Sister Tamy," call the little girl friendly.

"Sahara, what are you here for?" I asked to approach the 10-year-old girl and kneel under her wheelchair.

"Sister Tamy, look at the hair I've cut" said the girl by opening the knit hat she was wearing.

It was like there was lightning striking my heart when I saw this little girl with her new appearance.

I cut my blonde hair and saw it. Will I have to sacrifice this hair too someday?

I swallowed my saliva which was very bitter, I smiled bitterly by taking a breath that felt tight in my chest.

"Good! Sahara likes it?" I asked with a stiff smile.

"Actually I don't like it, but Doctor Om said later in heaven my hair will grow very long, so currently bald is okay, right Om?" Sahara looked up at him, looked at Dad.

I looked at Dad's face, I knew Dad was holding everything back by himself right now.

"Right," replied Dad with trembling lips.

I let go of these tears, really Dad. I'd be willing if I had to endure all this, as long as Dad never displays an expression like this again.

Dad, I want you to get married again. So that there's a woman to look after Dad when I leave.

I closed my eyelids, with water droplets flowing down my cheeks.

I let go of the bitter smile and grabbed one side of the Sahara cheek. Gently rubbed his cheeks.

"Sahara, play in the park as well as Brother?" Me softly.

"You, you want Kak" Sahara replied cheerfully.

I wiped away the tear, and pulled on the Sahara wheelchair.

"We're out first, Dad." I pushed Sahara's wheelchair out of my ward.

"Tamy," call Dad softly.

I turned my eyes and smiled softly.

"I'm fine, Dad."

I exhaled and pushed the Sahara chair through the hospital corridor. I accidentally met Brother Riyu corridor.

"Sir Riyu!" Call Sahara happy.

"Sahara," replied Brother Riyu gently.

Sister Riyu walked up to us and stroked the head of the Sahara.

"Sister, look. What do you think my brother is?" Again the Sahara pulled her knit hat and showed her baldness.

"You are getting prettier with this kind of appearance," replied Brother Riyu gently.

Of course, everyone who meets cancer sufferers like us, will surely tell lies to comfort us. So nauseating.

"If I do this, sister Riyu still want to not marry me later?"

I raise my eyebrows when I hear the Sahara.

"Sahara, how do you say that?" I'm confused.

"I like sister Riyu, sister Riyu is handsome and also very gentle. Later when I grow up, Sister Riyu will marry me, right?"

"Of course, but if you want to marry me. You have to promise to heal first, how?" Ask sister Riyu by raising her little finger.

"I promise" replied Sahara happily.

I let go of my laughter when I saw the enthusiastic Sahara. Sister Riyu took the Sahara pushchair and pushed it along with me.

"Where are you going?" Ask sister Riyu gently.

"Just take a walk" I replied flatly.

"I'm with ya."

"Whatever," I replied.

For a while, Ryu and I just walked without saying a word. I don't know, I don't want to start anything at all.

"When have you had cancer?" Ask Sister Riyu to open her voice.

"Four years ago" I replied.

Sister Riyu smiled gently and nodded her head.

"If sister Riyu already knew my illness, would sister Riyu be friends with me, just out of pity for my condition?"

Sister Riyu raised one of her eyebrows, looking at me with her flat face.

"Do you deserve to be pitied? I think for the size of a teenage girl, you are too stubborn and also selfish" replied Sister Riyu.

"I mean Brother?" I'm not happy.

"Huhh, Tammy. Why should I give pity to the girl who can block anything for her life. Do you think I feel sorry for you? why are you so naive?" Sister Riyu shook her head and smiled wryly.

"So, I'm not talking like this just because I want to be less, right?"

"Am I a pleasant-natured person? come on Tamy, why should I pity you who is even stronger than my own mother" sister Riyu replied.

"I mean Brother?"

"Don't you ever think, why would I know it's morphine?"

I shook my head quickly. I don't want to know and I don't want to know anything anymore.

Sister Riyu sighed and pushed the Sahara wheelchair towards the hospital garden.

"I know it's morphine, because my mother also took the same pill to relieve her pain" replied Sister Riyu.

"Huh?"

"Yes, my mother also had cancer. Breast cancer."

I shook my lips and nodded. It's worth it, Sister Riyu often met with Dad.

Sister Riyu stopped her steps when she reached the middle of the park. He sat down and joked with the Sahara.

There's a lot I don't know, and a lot of things I'm trying to cover. Without realizing it, I also closed my eyes to the people around me.

I've been seeing sister Riyu in the hospital for a long time, but I don't know if Sister Riyu is a patient of Dad's.

"Tamy," call Brother Riyu softly.

I walk and sit next to Sister Riyu.

"Virgo's been to see you?" Ask sister Riyu gently.

I breathed and shook my head.

"You dodged it?" Ask sister Riyu back.

"When everyone knows my true state, they will surely look at me with a look of pity. Instead of looking like that, I'd better avoid it."

"Is it really like that?" Ask sister Riyu gently.

"I'm sick of it, brother. Tired of being in the midst of those who pity me" I replied lazily.

"Tamy, how do you know what people think of you? not because you feel sorry for yourself, you think everyone will also only feel sorry for you," said sister Riyu flatly

"I mean Brother?"

"Did they really love you? or are you the only one who thinks they'll pity you?"