For Me And Him

41

I got up and walked towards the door of Tamy's inpatient room. Looking at the girl's body from behind the glass door, she fell asleep with several medical devices filling her body.

Telling his own jaw, there was a sense of annoyance mixed with sadness. I don't know how to explain it.

I'm scared, I'm scared.

I knocked out a fist on the wall. Furious himself with Tamy's behavior.

Even to the end, Tamy still kept everything to himself.

Am I too bad for him to rely on?

Wh why?

Why are you making me so pathetic, Tamy?

Why are you hiding everything from me? Even to the end, you kept hiding from me.

The head was leaning on the side of the wall, several times the fist hit the cream-colored wall.

I'm disappointed, I'm angry. But I can't say it. I can't vent, because right now the fear is bigger than anything.

"Why did you give up so soon, Tamy? There are still many things we haven't done. There's still a lot I want to show you. Steady, Tamy. Please, hold on, honey."

***

For three days Tamy had fallen asleep without opening her eyes, I wanted to go in there and shake her body.

To get the girl to wake up and open her eyes. If only, I hadn't spoiled him too much, maybe he could still laugh cheerfully with me.

"Virgos." Pat Leo on one of my shoulders.

I erased the corner of the eye that had runny when looking at my girl's body there.

"Om, why outside?"

"You haven't eaten and slept in three days, Virgo. Come to my room, rest there."

I smiled wryly and shook my head.

"I know what you're feeling right now, Virgo. Just like you, I can't stop thinking about him either. But not like this, Virgo. Tamy, would definitely blame me if you got hurt."

"Om, I'm fine. Is Tamy gonna wake up?"

There was a sigh from Leo's lips, he looked at Tamy from behind the glass door of the girl's room.

"Tamy's condition is on the decline, I don't know until when. But I can't help it either. Virgo, I'm sincere if Tamy wants to be free."

"What did Om say? I'm sure Tamy can still survive. Tamy's a strong girl, Om," I said no.

"Virgo, do you think I want to be like this?" ask Leo wryly.

Om Leo shook his head and looked back at the little girl. For a moment he was silent, but slowly the water in his cornea began to pool.

"Nearly five years, I witnessed for myself how he struggled. The pain he always endured, the smile he always displayed. I know Tamy is injured, I understand better how he is. But Tamy kept fading him, trying to be okay. What do you think because of?"

Leo looked back at me and smiled bitterly. Slowly her tears began to cross her cheeks. Quickly the back of his hand grabbed and erased his tracks.

"I know, he's hiding everything because I'm a Cancer specialist. But my own son suffers from cancer which is so distressing. I was helpless, I could do nothing. Do you think I don't feel like I'm a failure and guilty?"

"Om, but this is all fate. Om can't harm himself," I said calmly.

"Virgo, five years. You know five years is not a short time. I watched very closely how my son was going through all of this. Little by little he will walk towards the brink of death but I cannot stop him. Do you think I'm a great father? Can I still be said to be a good doctor?"

Om Leo shook his head, looking back at the body of his little girl lying there.

"He's my son, Virgo. My only family. But I didn't have a chance to make him happy. I am a bad old man. I know what he's going through but I can't stop the pain. I failed, Virgo."

I hugged Leo's big shoulder while looking at my girl's weak body in there.

I know that right now Leo's feelings are clearly more upset than I feel. I believe Leo also wants Tamy to wake up.

But behind it all, the hope left behind is no longer great. We lost our way, we lost our chance.

Tamy had been lying there, with the rest of the strength he had.

But I can't just give up yet, I'm sure Tamy's gonna wake up and be okay. I'm sure, Tamy will, of course, be fine.

***

For days I could not eat or sleep. My eyes felt very tired, but Tamy's shadow kept disappearing. I'm afraid he's gone, I'm afraid he's left me alone.

Tamy, can't you feel? I felt a deep fear.

"Virgo," a gentle greeting of a man.

"Hem" I replied without opening my eyes.

"Eat this, I bring you porridge."

"I'm not hungry, you just take it away" I refused.

"Virgo, I know you don't currently taste anything. But you can't die first like this" he gently persuaded.

"It's good that if I die first, at least I won't suffer this much?"

"You sure?"

"Yes." Yeah."

"What if you die Tamy will be happy for you?"

"Yes .. At least we could die together."

As the atmosphere went back to silence, no words came out of his lips anymore.

Enjoy the breeze that feels cool greet the skin of the face. The girl's smile returned to my memory.

Gentle laugh, sweet smile, why all this time I didn't realize it. That he had a lot of wounds behind it all.

Tamy, you're driving me almost crazy. I almost died thinking you were leaving. I could die if you don't open your eyes again.

"Is this yours?" She asked.

I opened both eyelids and fixed the sitting position. Looking at the man next to me right now.

The white envelope she had in her hand and opened slowly. Organ match report results of aunt Gina and Tamy.

I forgot where I dropped it yesterday.

"It's your mother's, not mine" I replied, giving it back to Riyu's hand.

"Did my mom want this?"

"Do you think I would force it?" tanyaku.

Riyu smiled bitterly and shook her head.

"I know you're so scared of losing Tamy, but can't you use your logic? How could you let my mom do all this?" riyu asked annoyed.

"Why should I refuse?" tanyaku.

"Virgo-" Riyu rubbed her face rough.

"I know you have a grudge against our family. But should you be this cruel? She's my mama, she's your stepmom too!" annoyed.

"Then?" tanyaku.

"Virgo awake! Even if you don't like it, she's still your mama, can't you be a little sane? I did everything I could to save my mama, but you'd easily trade her life?"

"If I say he's the one who insisted, do you believe me?" askaku.

Riyu fell silent, she schematized the white envelope.

"Here you go, Tamy's situation is also getting worse at the moment. Although I wanted to, but Leo said Tamy could not do the operation when the situation did not reach 60%. So, just accompany your mama" I said as I walked away from Riyu alone in the hospital garden.

Walking back to the front of Tamy's room, looking at the girl's body that was taking care of her with breath that had stopped several times.

Slowly, my tears fell without a sound. Unable to endure it any longer, I could not bear to see my girl suffer so much there.

"Tamy, can you open your eyes? I beg Tamy, I miss you so much."