First Love "In April"

BLACK INK

The view of the clear night sky full of stars with a slightly light-giving crescent moon accompanied me in the corner of my room's glass window.

occasionally my gaze leads to Aunt Erna who is sound asleep due to fatigue accompany and take care of me all day.

"Everything is better, if everything continues like this it could be your last therapy next week" said Arya doctor last afternoon kept in mind

Czechllek..

The sound of the door opening in the early hours of the morning shocked me.

"Ehh. had not slept Rii, failed to make his surprise "sapa bang Farel who came from behind the door.

" Lhoh bang?" I was surprised by the sudden arrival of Bang Farel.

" shocked huh? After going home for a walk "he said relaxed.

" road?" I'm confused.

"Yes, vacation with friends, all this stuff for you" he said as he put a small box on the table near my mattress.

"Why not send it" I asked.

" Can take a walk, so it's only now that you love him so that the same departure of Brother and friends" explained bang Farel.

"Hmm" I understand.

"Lumayan ngirit shipping costs" he added.

" Yes back".

"Where to?" ask me.

"To the hotel, from the landing until the streets had not had time to rest" he said.

" Bangs".

"Hem.. why?" sahut bang farel turned his body staring at me.

" Please box" I said pointing to the box that I had been waiting for.

Walking slowly Farel approached me who was sitting right on the edge of the hospital window.

"Nih" he said while standing beside me.

" What's bang?" I asked him to look at the farel bang that never left my side.

" Sister wants to know too" he said briefly.

" Huusss. go, don't look at the tauk.. PRI-VA-SI! " throw me out with my right hand that pushes slowly the body bang Farel to get away.

" Yes yes... Yaudah Abang back, tomorrow you come here again, say to Mama" he said passed and disappeared behind the door.

---

"2007 In April,

I stared at a girl at the red light crossing stop from inside the car, in a white tie-in uniform and a blue Dongker skirt that was wet from the rain,

Hugging a stack of books with one left hand, while his right hand continued to play Rainwater with a fluttering smile.

I looked at him questioningly, what makes him smile just by touching the rain?

Tomorrow, I'll see the same girl again.

With swinging legs, He sat sweetly while smiling back looking towards the sky that was quite blazing that afternoon.

the same question came to my mind,

what made him smile in the heat of the afternoon.

I kept meeting him at the same place every hour of school, making me get used to the one I was staring at from inside the car.

I smiled when he smiled

And kept staring at him until he was nowhere to be seen at a crossroads, and then I realized that I was the kid who liked him".

"2007 In April

Today mischievously I ventured home early before the driver picked me up, standing right at the same spot as the girl, at the red light crossing stop.

Deliberately arriving early, I waited for him at the end of the stop seat.

With a hand that folded to my chest, my heart beat as if to signal that the girl was getting closer and it turned out that the gesture was correct.

She ran small with her hands hugging the book with her three friends,

The sincere laughter and smile that wasn't for me back then made my heart flutter and many times made me sigh long in nervousness.

I was nervous when I just looked at him silently.

I was nervous when I was alone with him at the bus stop that left us both.

I was nervous without greeting each other.

And I was nervous as she occasionally glanced at me who was not far from her back then.

I was a kid when I liked him more and more".

"2007 at the end of April

It's called Missing, I feel a deep sense of unease, tormented at the beginning of school holidays waiting for graduation, never again seen by my eyes the girl.

The girl with the sincere smile that made me fall in love for the first time and feel the weight of longing".

***

The little notes on some papers opened my curiosity to a little box that came with bang Farel last night.

At Arunika's companion greeting in the morning dew, I opened the next sheet wrapped in a blue envelope, a letter with black inked handwriting.

"Dear: my fris love Riria alena

I miss you, being the first sentence I want to convey to you through this letter.

I love you, the second word I want you to know.

And meeting you is my hope now.

I'm sorry until the moment this letter is in your hands, I'm leaving without saying goodbye and news.

I miss you.

I was sorry about my indifference back then, a thousand times I thought if that was the reason you left without any news and messages!

Or maybe there's another reason?

For weeks I kept trying to find and wait for your news, but the results remained the same until I really had to go back to Jogja, following my parents who were transferred.

I thought that you might be currently angry with me who was then deliberately pretending to be indifferent with all your messages, I'm not really angry.

How could I be angry with someone so special to me just because of a trivial matter.

I smiled as I read all the messages containing your worries about my feelings, make me want to continue to do so until in the end I have to be faced with regret for losing you that until now I do not know the news and the existence of you.

What am I supposed to do? Must how?

Now that we're different islands, I'm powerless with all the more complicated circumstances in my life, without any strength I'm just a weak teenager who can't fight for you and find you.

What about our relationship?

What about my love and my longing?

What am I supposed to do?

How can I find du when we're so far apart.

Do I have to go through with the situation?

What if I miss you more?

Even while writing this letter I continued to feel a tightness in my chest holding him back.

I'm sorry I can't accompany you at this time,

I'm sorry I brought all the love for you away.

I'm sorry for everything that happened.

I really love you the same way I found you two years ago at a red-light junction.

Feel the pain of holding back longing for someone I don't even know his name.

And do you know how I felt when I met you back at the same school, I smiled like a madman and jumped up in excitement right on the basketball court on the first day of school, and for the first time I saw the destiny that came into being when I was desperately looking for you a few months earlier.

Now it's happening again, I'm back to losing you exactly like 2 years ago.

Should I return to destiny?

But how?

What if time and circumstances don't approve of us? How will destiny bring us together?

What about the love we feel?

Will it always be the same?

Can we survive with this?

Rii. I am currently a man who is so cowardly,

I'm terrified of all my thoughts about how you are.

I'm afraid this whole thing just ends and cuts a deep wound.

I'm afraid of losing you.

I'm not really ready for a farewell,

But the circumstances of the relationship we are going through today make it even more clear that separation is happening between us.

If you were me, what would you do?

Survive it?

Or should I let go?

What about destiny? What I can trust him for the second time in the midst of all my doubts about the circumstances we're in.

Never once have I doubted the taste we have today, I only doubt the time and circumstances that could betray us.

I love you until now, I really hope you're back in good health and well,

Once again forgive me for leaving you.

If time sided with us, I would keep trying to find you again despite the distance.

And I also hope that time continues to side with our current feelings.

Call me, if this letter is in your hands.

I'am always love you Riri.

... Raidil's...