First Love "In April"

WHISPERINGS

"sad".

"sad".

the soft voice that I have always longed for is getting clearer and clearer in the silent room where I am at the moment.

"Raidil" said I stood up to find out where his voice came from.

"Honey, it's me" he said.

"Rayden".

I stepped while fumbling, my eyes wide open without seeing the light.

"Raidil" I kept calling out his name with a slightly quivering body, tears began to pool in my eye pelukan as if ready to fall.

" don't cry, just keep moving baby" she said, filled with the tenderness and warmth I truly long for.

"Rayden".

Only that word continued to be spoken from my lips, while walking palpating, my ears continued to listen to all the words of Raidil without being able to see where he was.

Every now and then I stumble down on my own feet trying to speed up the pace to find the source of Raidil's voice.

"slow down" she said worried about me.

"where are you?" I said with tears beginning to wet my cheeks.

"I'm here, next to you" he said.

" false" I said.

" no baby, I'm here with you".

"it's not clear at this time that I'm talking to you" he said.

I sobbed in tears at Raidil's words, the longing, fear and loneliness of this moment made me want to quickly find the real Raidil and embrace him.

" hey don't cry, just keep going"

"I miss you".

"I miss you so much dear" Raidil said.

Hearing that whisper, I felt more and more pain in my heart, the tightness in my chest holding back the same Longing On Raidil became a separate burden that I felt right now.

"I.." Unable to express my words interrupted due to my sobs.

"keep going, find a way out and get back to me" he said.

"but it's so dark here" I hiccupped.

"I'm here with you" he added.

My footsteps began to feel firm, accompanied by the sound of Raidil I stepped in a dark, empty space full of sadness.

Tears are constantly falling though slowly, the heart that was originally filled with sadness is now starting to hope a little.

"at least I'm not alone" I said in my heart.

"you're still here, right?" ask Raidil who is starting to hear his voice.

" of course, I'm still next to you" he said softly.

I kept going, even though I was so tired, I walked without finding anything.

"I'm tired" I said in despair.

"I know, but just keep going a little bit more" he said trying to encourage me.

I fell back down and felt tired at my feet.

"dear, please!"

"I'm tired" I said with tears.

"Keep a little more"

"I really miss you"

"Go back"

"Find the way"

"Kem-balila-a"

After that last word I heard no more Raidil's voice.

"Raydal?"

I called her name hoping she would still be here with me.

"Raidil"

While crying I kept calling her name until I finally realized Raidil was really leaving me.

"You said you'd be with me" I said as I bowed with tears that still faithfully accompanied.

***

"Dad"

"Mother"

"Raidil"

I rose again and called their names with the same result without any other word or sign of life.

"Della".

"Crazy"

"Female"

"I miss you guys" I said after a small memory of them flashed through my mind.

said softly with a rare slowed foot.

I don't know until when I'll keep walking without direction and feel the dark place that only I am.

The dreams? Maybe it will feel long and real like this.

and if this is all real, what kind of place am I going to be?

Aaaarrrrrggghhhh

I screamed back as loud as I let out all the tightness in my chest.

Tears flowed back to my cheeks.

My body was heating up with pain in my heart.

In the end, I felt tired of everything I did.

"OK. let's walk Rii again" said I lethargic while trying to stand firm.

"Lord, wake me up from this long dream" I said pleading with my heart.

The black space that had trapped me all this time began to slowly light up again,

I took a deep breath and exhaled it violently, there was a sense of relief even though I was still confused by what happened.

My steps sped away when I saw the bright light at the end of my vision, from small steps to big enough steps I began to run towards the light that was as shiny as a small door.

"what's the way out?" ask me confused in my heart.

"Finally" I added still with running, though,

The tiredness that I felt all this time disappeared just changed with my enormous desire out of space time that I did not understand this.

My steps slowed down as I got closer to the light I was chasing, and I finally stood at the door and tried to step my foot to get there, this step is still covered with doubt in the heart.

"is this really a way out?" ask me to doubt in my heart.

"if not how?" Add me with tears.

"come in, boy!" say someone coming from behind.

"Dad"

"Mother"

I immediately cried with a hiccup to see them right in front of me.

" you've been here too long, baby, come home" said the mother who walked over to me.

" no, Riri wants to come with you" I said full of longing and despair.

" no dear, this is not your place" added Father who hugged me tightly.

Aarrggh... Huhuhu..

I kept crying and whining like a child who was about to be left.

" please bring Riri ma'am, don't leave Riri again" I said begging right at their feet.

" dear, where are you cheerful?"

"Back, there are still many people waiting for you to come home" said Father who hugged me and stroked my hair.

"forgive me Mom and Dad who can't accompany you" said Mother who then warmly kissed the tip of my head.

"Aarrggh... Moms"

I was getting as excited as I looked at their bodies that started to drift away and disappear.

huuuhhuuhuuu

"Dad" I said with a hand trying to reach them both.

"don't go away again" with tears I stared at the bodies of those who disappeared from my sight.

"No." look at me resignedly when they returned.

I turned my body to look at the door right behind me.

I stood up and stepped behind the door in a bright light so that I could not see what kind of place my feet were in right now.

"Lord I want to go back, let me meet them my parents"

"Wake me up from this nightmare" I added, closing my teary eyes.