Dark Princess

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I decided not to put any more hope in Earnest. The phone we bought together, I deactivated it and I put it in a drawer. It's no use. All I could call with that number was her, besides papa and mama Kim. And for them, I can be reached by phone at home. There is no way to communicate with him anymore. The promise he made at the airport, I had hoped it would happen, but after a week, two weeks he did not come, my hope was lost. That means, his family won the war in his heart.

I don't know if I should be happy or sad. But I think it's both. I was relieved that I didn't have to argue to end the relationship. Because a long argument will make the pain go deeper. And ending that relationship will be even harder. But I'm sad too. Heartbreaker. Who wouldn't? I lost my first love as well as true love and that I once thought would be love forever. It hurts so much. My heart felt like it was being torn apart. My soul was paralyzed and it kept me in my room for days. Unable to eat and restless unable to sleep. I was heartbroken and lost. And honestly, in the deepest corner of my heart, I was still curled up waiting for his arrival. Hope that I'm trying to suppress and I press to not surface.

3 Weeks passed. My condition has returned to normal –sikit–. I've been faced with the choice that all I have is to get up and get back into my life. I need to start thinking about what I'm going to be. There's no way I'm gonna be in my room for the rest of my life. I have to do something. But my mother asked me to stay there, not until when. And I was again busy with new books that were always brought by papa and Mama Kim. And that way, I ended up spilling all the words I had absorbed from the book in the form of writing. Writing is the perfect job for people to have to hide from the circulation of the world.

And the story of that afternoon happened.

I was looking up at the sky from my bedroom window with a pus. Thinking about why the sky is blue and what it has to do with the character Blue, play a character in my writing. I reka-reka. Does the blue sky represent the ever-so-sad Blue feeling. But I can't find a reason. The blue sky is synonymous with beautiful, bright, and gives relief to the eye that looks. But why is the color blue always made to represent human feelings? Shouldn't it be bright? Or peaceful? Yes, blue also represents peace. I shake my head. It is not blue sky. Perhaps a vast deep blue sea, in the middle of the ocean, when it floats alone in the middle of the ocean without hope, and is wide, as far as the eye can see, there is only a deep blue. Maybe so.

Then my eyes caught something familiar. Like an event that used to be routine. Which I always look forward to in silence. Now, I'm not waiting, but he showed up. A black car nose appeared at the gate. It's not a papa or mama's car. I looked at the car carefully and I found the silhouette of the man I longed for, who I would later in silence, sitting dashingly in the car. My heart stopped beating. But my race flew. But for a while, I realized that it couldn't be Earnest. After 3 weeks? Not likely. If he wanted to come, he should have come since the first week we were apart. Why after 3 weeks?

I'm speechless. I close my eyes. Setting my heart beat that is not bad. Even though I said I didn't believe it, I wished that it was him. I'm too weak. I decided I'd just sit there waiting until he came. If he doesn't come in minutes, then I'm sure it's not him. Or if so, his arrival might be for something else. Receive word that he's been fighting maybe?

I shook my head against all those ugly prejudices. It's Jade, after all, you've decided not to get in touch with her anymore. Remember that! You've been heartbroken for 3 weeks. Right. What else do I expect?

My mind was too busy when the door opened and he was there standing looking at me with Earnest's distinctive eyes. The love there is still passionate. He is still the old self. I'm riveted. Biting my lips. Doubt is holding me back from moving towards him. He approached and within seconds, I was already in his arms. He embraced me very tightly. My choice at the time was just resignation. I felt his breath ringing between my hair, his beating heart beating rapidly, and the clenching of his hands clutching me tightly in his arms. He really is Earnest. Nothing has changed. I got back the hug I missed.

“I'm sorry for coming so long. But why can't any of you call me?” Hugs released. And look me in the eye carefully. I kept quiet, not knowing what to answer. For me, he should have been gone from my life.

“Why dear? What's up?” He demands answers. Should I just say that she's been considered gone forever from my life?

“I have to long story Jade. But the point is, there's one important thing I have to do and I'll finish it first before coming here. You remember my promise, right? You should know that I never reneged on my promise to you.” True Jade. He never broke his promise, even if he didn't. Can you think that he'll leave you? I was ashamed in my heart. I dropped my body back in his arms. I hold her body tightly. Take out all the guilt of not believing in him. I wanted to say sorry, but I was too embarrassed. Kissed my tubers with affection. I felt the warm air from his lips on my scalp.

“All is well, right? Is there something bad going on as long as I'm not here?” I was breathing quietly in his chest. It doesn't matter to daddy. You're here now. My inner.

“Honey? Mmm..?” I shook my head at his chest. I really can't say a word.

“I miss you daddy..” I whisper those words on his chest.

“I miss you so much, baby. Very longing..” And we were immersed in silence, in our quiet roar of breath, feeling my heartbeat we were slowly regaining calm, feeling present to each other in close embrace. I forgot all the pain I was going through because of my own prejudice.