Dark Princess

What is His Name If Not Love?

He let out a heavy sigh, with stifled emotions. I suspect, maybe today is very heavy. Something might happen at work. Or maybe during the trip. Or-or other. Guilt attacked me. Why should I go berserk when he doesn't come? I should just calm down so she can go home and rest. No need to visit. I wanted to reach him and help ease his burden, but I didn't know how to start. I was too comfortable in silence. Besides, I'm not sure, is that what he needs from me? I need a little confidence to get started.

“Jade... It is a tiring day dear. But I have to apologize for being late. I heard from Nanny that you've been crying incessantly since this afternoon. Is it because I'm late? I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I just got back from Tokyo, from the airport straight here. I've been trying to get things done so that the flight schedule is overtaken and I got here on time, but I can't. The business there must be immediately selelsai. When I'm really done, I can just leave that place. And I turned the flight into the afternoon, at least I can still see you sleeping. I'm emotionally tired. This was the first time for an employee of Earnest fashion to witness how ruthless an Earnest and I spoke in such a high tone, even snapping. I'm so tired, baby. Even on the plane, I cried because I couldn't help feeling this. Can you help me? Just by smiling at me. Or maybe say a few words. Or whatever it is, to calm my arid soul? Miss you. I tried so hard to remember all the moments we had together because otherwise, I almost forgot everything. The way you smile, laugh, look in your eyes when you say love, when you're angry or teasing me. Help me... I'm feeling very tired, baby... " He spoke as usual. But this time it was a bit bad. Not as usual. Like I thought, something happened at work, but he was still struggling to come. My guilt is attacking more and more. What can I do to help relieve that fatigue?

He was crying and trying to make her not make a sound. But I still hear the sound of his stuffing. Crushing my heart. Seen from any angle, I know, he has struggled as much as he can, to do his best even if things are not what he expected. What is it called if not love? He did not give up even though it was difficult. I tried to stand in his position, if I were him, would I be that strong to be able to hold on? Wouldn't it be easier to stop and find some fun out there? He was more than able to decide to do those easy things. But he chose loyalty. Again I conclude, what is the name if not love?

Guilt was shooting right in my heart, I could no longer just let it slump so. Especially coming home with a bad mood. I know, I have to do something. He must know that the struggle he is doing is not in vain. Our love still exists. I'm always waiting. Merely, I don't have enough strength to show it. Now Jade, it's time to show you know and care. Do somethin. I gathered all the power that was within me. This time, although it might not be love, I don't care. I have to help.

I slowly got up and hugged tightly from her side. The fragrance is still the same, the Earnest version is very tired. The sweat it produces is the fruit of stressful hard work. That's all he did for me. And it made me drown in compassion. I breathed her hawa. I rested my head on his back and rubbed his back gently. I hope, that little gesture is enough to shed a little bit of his tiredness.

"Jade...?" He turned his body towards me. In the dim light, our eyes met. I could see all the good emotions gathered there. And I try to express through my eyes that I miss him so much. I hope he can read that the love in my heart is still the same as it used to be. He framed my face with his hands.

“Jade..” He calls. I grabbed her face and wiped the tears from her cheeks. My tongue is still mute, but I know that he knows what I mean.

“Say something dear...?” He begged, but I couldn't say anything. I cried, to shed how afraid I was of losing her and how long I missed meeting her. She hugged me tightly, rubbing my back gently. Kissing my forehead warmly.

“It's okay Jade, no problem. You don't have to say anything. It's okay, baby..."

I couldn't let her go that night. I hugged him tightly, my hands clutched his sleeves, for me to wake up if he accidentally let go of my hands and left. I fell asleep still in his arms.

I'm glad I didn't play when I saw that he was still there when I woke up on Saturday morning.  We spent the whole weekend together. I've done things I've never done before. We ate together at the dinner table, I heard him talk and read books with open eyes, he even helped me to dry my hair, put on makeup and assess the clothes I was wearing. I never stop enjoying the happy light from her bright face. I saw a handsome man with a pure heart, he looked very happy. He's still the Earnest he used to be, it's that easy to make him happy. His eyes full of love. Isn't it Jade? What else is it called if not love? Ja. I decided to believe and enjoy being there.

But time is too short. The soap passed and Sunday came. Sunday night came as if the sun was tired and wanted to quickly go home and sleep. After dinner, he was ready to leave again. I lost control of my emotions. Can't he just stay there forever with me? I really can't let him go. Fear again attacked my mind in a row. All the bad thoughts were milling in my head. What if he doesn't come back? Don't she just pretend to be with me to make me happy? Last Friday he was late. Is it possible that he will decide not to come again and he will not show up next Friday at all? I hugged him tightly and begged him not to leave in tears, roaring. Hopefully that way he will cancel his departure.