Dark Princess

Guilt

I walked to the bathroom after it was all over. I left him lying down limply.

I sat under the shower, letting the water wash over my entire body. Wishing the water would bring all the foreign feelings inside me. The bottom of my body was painful and painful. But it's not just that. My heart is not at peace. I try to break down one by one.

My liver? Why should I care? All I thought about was Gaia. Is this betrayal? Gaia never said anything about commitment. And I never felt like his girlfriend. I also agree with that kind of relationship. Because it makes me feel like I have freedom. But he always said he loved me. We kissed. We are in touch with our body in our own way. And I just realized, I've divided my body to anyone who needs it. To satisfy them and make my work easier. Can I be called a prostitute? I sold my body to survive. It's probable. But yeah, that's it. What matters is that Gaia can't know. I just need to be calm and get back to being my usual self so that she doesn't detect anything strange. I can't imagine what would happen if he found out about the betrayal.

I heard the door open. Earnest, he stepped towards me. Shower's off. Covering my body with a towel. Carrying and sitting me on the dresser chair in her room. He gave me another towel so I could dry my hair. I wrap my hair in a towel and leave my head covered. He knelt on the floor looking at me. Well, at least you should show me that you feel guilty. At least, I got an inner satisfaction from that tormented feeling. He has to beg my forgiveness. Although I will not forgive. At least it was proof that I was human, I had a self-esteem that should not be trampled as he pleased.

"Can we finish the discussion on that document now?" I asked. I want to get things done with him as soon as possible. His face turned cloudy, his eyes glazed over. He was prepared to say something, but his tongue was stuck. But why should I care?

"And please help me. All these things do not reach Gaia's ears. Please.." She hugged me.

"Jade, you should be angry now." He said with a trembling voice restraining emotions.

"I can't. Why should I be angry? I agreed to do this. I'm just thanking you. You helped me to respond to this casually. After this, every time I meet a jerk like you again, it'll be easier for me." His embrace is getting tighter.

"No Jade. Please don't do that. What do I do to get sorry? I'm a jerk. What am I supposed to do?" He took off his arms and looked me in the eye. Let the guilt eat you alive! I said in my heart.

"I'll forget everything in a few hours. Just help me so Gaia doesn't know anything. I can't imagine what would happen if he found out..." He turned angry.

"Take yourself off of him!" I stared hard into his eyes.

"Don't dictate what I should do with my life. You don't know shit. I was hoping you'd stop meddling in my business after this." He got up from his knee.

"Can't! I still haven't got what I want. Wanted you. You're Jade! Do you really think I'm a jerk? Who will let you just like that after you finish feeling your body? Jade... I'm not that kind of man..."

I don't give a shit. I put all my clothes back on and dry my hair. I don't care how agitated she is, walking back and forth in the room. I stepped out of the room and retrieved the documents from the bag I had placed on the sofa table. A large white envelope. I took out the contents and I put them neatly on the table where we had eaten, along with a pen. Then I sat down, waiting for him to come out of the room.

A few minutes had passed, he still had not appeared. I took a new glass and filled it with wine. There was still a little leftover in the bottle. I sip little by little. I checked the phone. There's a call and a message from Gaia. I replied to her message saying that everything is going well. It's 3pm. Ah, very long. There's still an hour left. I decided to wait while enjoying the fruit on the table.

She finally appeared, fully clothed, apparently taking a bath as well, I smelled the same soap I was wearing. Sitting in front of me and his eyes were immediately fixed on the pile of documents I had compiled right in front of him. He breathed a rough breath.

"I'll be back with you to Seoul now. We'll talk to Gaia about us. I can't just let you go." Said. I'm getting pissed.

"You really like to complicate things, mr.Lee. Let's end this meeting as we agreed before. I'll go home alone, go back to my life and forget everything that happened today." I emphasize firmly.

"You still don't have any feelings for me after Jade?" Where is the common sense? Speaking of feelings, some even hate.

"I told you. I have no feelings. I never had feelings in my life. So, don't ask me about that. Let's end it now. Read the document and sign it. As agreed."

"If you want, please. But it has to be quick. We only have less than an hour."

"Woah.." She clapped and sneered cynically.

"Looky! You're really amazing!" He said with sarcasm. I'm getting tired. Not having an idea how to defend his argument. My eyes were hot, some warm water was flowing down. He dragged his chair near me and wiped my face.

"seen? I don't usually like to see women cry. But seeing you cry is so much better than seeing that emotionless, flat you. I can't let you go in this situation. We need to talk. Or I'll go with you..."

"I'm so tired today. I did my best to finish my task and go home soon. Why do you have to make things difficult? Can't we just make it simple?" I pleaded while still sobbing.

“Jade. I'm doing all this so I can hold you for me. Didn't you think you got there?"

"I don't care. This is the most complicated thing I've ever met in my entire life. And I'm tired now. Let's stop. I have to go home..." He looked at me gently. Finally, I was able to grasp the meaning in his eyes. He doesn't want me to get hurt. I like those eyes. But my conscience reminds me, he can only stay in a dream world. He's not real. He cannot enter into the reality of my life.

"We really don't need to talk about us?"

"There's nothing to talk about us. And please.. can't you see I'm trying to follow every word you say? It's time to go home." She's speechless. He fixed his position and finally looked towards the pile of documents. I helped put the pile of paper right in front of him and handed him the pen. He checked each piece of paper and signed it. I compiled and tidied up each page and put it back in the envelope. After arranging well inside the bag, I prepared to leave. I have to say goodbye.

"thank you. Can I go now?" He was still silent and looking at me meaningfully. I could see how hard he was trying to hold back his feelings, not to continue the conversation he wanted.

"Is this really what you want?"

"Yes. All I could think of right now was one, lying on top of my bed as soon as I arrived in Seoul. So that tomorrow I can get up early and leave for the office as usual, then hand this envelope to Gaia." He's capitulating.

"At least promise me one thing." He looked at me begging.

"Take those words back when you say you'll do it easily with other jerks you might meet."

"It's none of your business. We have nothing to do after this. Don't interfere."

"Jade.." He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily.

"OKAY. But I still have a few minutes before 4. It's orders. Promise me." I saw my phone again. He's right, it's still a few minutes to 4 p.m.

"I told you, Gaia is my savior. He would never let me walk into the lion's den. I wonder why this time he did it, is it possible because he trusts you so much?" I said firmly and I devoured a guilty expression on his face.

Yes, I want him to feel more guilty and never live peacefully because of it.