Dark Princess

Love Actually

He told me how much he loved that woman. He fell in love at first sight when he met at an event held by the church. She was never happy with her first marriage and decided to pursue the woman. At the end of his stories, he never forgot to tell me that he was my father. Since I was the daughter of that woman, then I was her daughter as well and asked me to call her papa.

He always brings presents. He brought whatever he wanted. Until I was confused, what was all that for? I don't need anything. The woman put it all in a display cabinet on the other side of my room. He once brought me a bag and a purse, for my birthday present. Wh-wh-what for? I never had a sense of attachment to birthday terms and things. I never even heard of such a term existing after Clara died. And at that time, I still didn't understand what the candles on the cake meant and blew them. And what Korean specialties mean, seaweed soup served on the table. All I know is that I was born and I exist, that's all! Why should I be happy about that? Then, every time he was going home, he put some money into that wallet, saying that I would need it later. Girls my age should go hang-out, shopping, eating at restaurants and having fun. To do that, I need that money. If he was with that woman, he'd have chimed in, that I might need a card to do all that. They laughed and he promised to give me an unlimited limit card as soon as I wanted to do those fun things. I don't know. I wonder, will that time come?

90% of my attention goes to Earnest. He makes me think about him every second. Reminds me what love is. Half of me is pessimistic that his love is only temporary. Soon he too will be gone. But half of me kept saying wait and see, until when he would survive. The man was so perfect, he was handsome, kind and respectful. I wonder if he has another woman out there, who is sane enough to accompany him for a lifetime? Why does he come to visit me every weekend? I was nervous among the many questions.

At first, I considered his arrival as part of a sense of responsibility only. Since he is a good and responsible man, of course he remains there to show sympathy. He couldn't have just left after what happened to me. I tried to stand in his position and think based on my perspective. She couldn't possibly ever want me again as a woman after she found out about my dark past. Who wants someone who has ever drank human blood, eaten human flesh, plus, who was once a drug addict? And to be complete, a demonic princess anyway. If I were him, I'd run away. Right after that woman, who she said my mama took all the responsibility of my life, she was supposed to leave.

But as time went on, I finally tried to understand. Could it be love?

He never, once forgot to fill his schedule to accompany me. He arrived on time and dressed up. I can't deny the fact how handsome he is. But what's the point? But ... a part of me, I think my whole self, I admire it. My heart beats faster every Friday. He came in the afternoon before nightfall. After he finished his work for a week. He almost always brought a book and read it to me. Sometimes it's just talking about her work, her schedule and the funny moments she's had with her band members after doing a TV show. Sometimes he brings some good stuff when he comes from abroad, besides books. Bags, purses, dresses and jewelry. Then he would take his time to arrange them all in the display cabinet and in the wardrobe. He didn't forget to kiss me before he came home.

Friday afternoon. At 6. I've been cleaning up and ready to wait for him. I was standing by the window waiting for the gate to open and the car was coming soon. He'll talk to Nanny for a second about me and come to my room, kiss my head and start talking. But he didn't show up. I kept waiting, until 7 p.m. Still not showing up. I kept staring out the window, at the gate, hoping, could he be late? But for too long, he hasn't come yet. I feel an incredible fear. I began to cry and my crying changed with each ticking clock. Will he finally leave me? See right? He must not love me. He finally got tired and stopped. It makes sense, he must be feeling tired. Could she have found someone perfect for her?

I finally screamed in fear. Keep crying while still looking at the clock, staring out the window until finally the woman came and calmed me down. She hugged me. But I can't stop crying.

"Mama tried calling Jade. Patience, we wait. Maybe the plane is delayed. Tau right? He's in Japan now. Let's just wait, he's coming, okay?" He kept persuading me. I really hope so. Please, wait or whatever it is, please come tonight. I am not constantly begging in my heart. I finally fell asleep in his arms.

Before long, I'll wake up. I see the clock, it's 10. But he hasn't come yet either. I was very weak and could only sob sadly. Fear enveloped my soul. Did you really do this to me? You're not coming again? I wail.

Then there was the sound of some people talking downstairs. That's her! Earnest Voice. He talked to nanny.  I close my eyes. He had to find me sleeping. Suddenly I was very happy. Just hearing his voice and knowing that he had finally come was enough. I can sleep peacefully. I heard her footsteps approaching the door and opened the door quietly, almost unheard, always so. And close it the same way. I smell it from far away. Yes, he is Earnest. He must be straight from the airport. The smell of the perfume is a mixture of sweat all day and the smell of car AC. He approached, slowly touching my cheek and tidying up my blanket. Then sit on the edge of the bed, next to me. Not turning on the lights as usual, which means he won't read books. Maybe he'll stay for a few minutes and leave.