Dark Princess

With or Without Earnest

The conversation continued without being stopped. Earnest couldn't stop them. Maybe remember the culture they had to respect the parents. He also let the conversation continue. Only between the three of them. It was as if we weren't there. They were very consistent when at the beginning they didn't want to welcome us, until the end, our presence was like nothing.

We went to the airport at that time. The hotel that had been booked for the residence of papa and mama Kim was left just like that. You were planning on staying a while there. Enjoy the city of Singapore and mingle with a new family. Imagine, as beautiful as that is our reflection of the Lee family. What happened was the opposite. Even worse.

We know that plan failed completely. I'm happy because in this case, we are –papa and mama Kim and I– like-minded. We just stayed there listening to their chatter until we finally left the house. There was no intention at all to attempt to make their decision change. It will only add to the heartache. We don't want to beg as if our life and self-esteem aren't that important. Plus, no matter how much we plead, their decision will not change. Begging will only make our position lower and worthless.

Mute atmosphere. Earnest grabbed my shoulder and clasped my hand tightly. But his gestures, which seemed to care about me, did not help at all. I just wish he wasn't there with us anymore. It's just papa, mama and me. His actions that seemed to comfort me felt like ridicule to me. Papa and Mama Kim sat in silence. We are busy with our own thoughts. My eyes were staring straight out the window. Singapore is a modern and clean city. The new view should look beautiful to me. But my eyes are blind. It all looks ugly and annoying to me.

I don't know what else to talk about. Those eyes were looking at me begging. He was silent a thousand languages and spoke through that glaring highlight. I tried to follow the path he wanted the meeting to pass. If I can choose, I better get into the waiting room and sit there until called for boarding. I don't think there's anything else we need to talk about. It's all clear. But not so he thought.

“Daddy, you know what? If this is what's best for you, it's okay. I'll let you go..” Those words just came out of my mouth, breaking our silence. The highlight of those eyes changed from being blazing to despair. His eyes began to glaze over. I'm trying to understand. He didn't want to be in that position, I know. And he was so accidental that it all happened, I know. But that incident already exists. And it hurts so much. That's a fact. None of us can escape the consequences. My heart is broken, and definitely papa and mama Kim. Earnest must have felt the same way. Only, it cannot be forced to understand each other. I did not want to understand his position and chose to enjoy my heartache. And I also want to let him process the situation freely without anyone's intervention. In my opinion, it doesn't matter if we end up taking each other's path.

“Jade... Everything will be fine dear. Patience yes. I'll try to talk to your mom about this. Wait, we'll be there soon to propose. Never say those words. For whatever reason, you can't let me go. Just like I never let you go. Promise?” She begged. Still with the sand. I looked at him doubtfully. I can't believe things are going to turn out okay. Between us, marriage is impossible.

“But all that papa mama you said was true daddy. Your figure is too big for someone like me. They don't even know who I am or what my background is. Can you imagine how they would react if they finally found out? Until when can we cover everything that ever happened to me?”

“Jade, answer me dear... Okay?”

“OK daddy. I trust you..” I can't wait to get into the waiting room. He kissed my forehead and hugged me one last time and I left him there staring at me stepping in.

I followed Papa and Mama Kim who was sitting waiting for me. Mama Kim stood up and spread out her hands as soon as I saw her appear there. I hugged his body tightly. My breath roars. There's anger. But I was confused how to break it. Mama stroked my back gently.

“Jade, now is the time to cry baby. Crying as much as you. We're getting angry. And it's worth it to vent it by crying. It's okay to cry..” Mama kept persuading me to cry. Slowly, my tears flowed and I couldn't stand it, I held my arms in my arms.

“Mama apologizes for pushing this thing quickly done dear. If not, none of this will happen. Mama apologizes okay?” I'm getting more and more excited, I know, mistakes aren't on our side. We are just doing something we think is appropriate to do, and it is not a criminal act. Our only mistake was not being in the same world as them. Our mind and way of life are completely different. I repeated it over and over in my mind to reduce my anger and hate. To them, as well as to myself –sal began to creep slowly wrapping the books, why my way of life can be as weird as that–.

“And you should know baby, you are very special. Everyone in this world is special in their own way. Big names and achievements are not an absolute to box people at a certain level. Precisely because they think like that, mama has to say, they are at the very bottom level. Not in our class. Forget what their money says. Do not put it into the heart.  Let's just say we just met a human from another planet. They're weird. So. Okay Jade?” I sobbed, draining my tears. Ja. I will not beg to be in the same position as them. It seemed, I had already begun to describe the kind of life I would lead. With or without Earnest.