Dark Princess

Still Looking

I'm still trying to get information from that church, where I was left, about the woman who drove me there 13 years ago. But none of them know. I tried to remember if I got the words from him when he left me there. But there is absolutely no memory.

All I know is that I was picked up by Sister Clara, a retired nun in her 60s, and ended up living with her in a small room, behind the church building. Clara is an orphan and has no family. At the age of twilight, he remained active in the task of cleaning the church complex every day.

Originally, he had only intended to offer a place to wait. I remember, we were so sure that the woman would come back to pick me up. Because he found me in that park with nothing in my hands. Just the clothes and sneakers I was wearing. Which I burned not long after to ease my anger. That way, I completely lost all traces of my past. For 2 years, I didn't talk. Clara even thought I was mute. But he helped by unceasingly talking to me even though I was just silent.

We lived together for 5 years until Clara died. He was my only world, and it was the first and most painful loss of my life. From that moment on, I lived alone. I used the money he left behind to get a suburb basement and work hard for life and school.

I still visit the church, not to pray. I was just sitting on a park bench, right where I was abandoned 13 years ago. Trying to flash back on the moment, but the result was nil, nothing came to my mind. I looked at the face of every woman who came to visit there. Who knows, I'll see a face I know. But it didn't work. Then I stopped when I felt tired and felt that there was no more hope. But it's not that easy to stop, in certain moments, I'll go back there. With the same hope in my mind.

Sometimes I'm tempted to send a DNA sample of mine to the police station, who knows if they can trace my origins through their DNA records. But I held back. I'm not ready to accept the painful fact that may have been hidden behind the dumping of the little boy 13 years ago. What if they don't want me? Isn't that the first reason I was dumped? If they were able to do it all those years ago, when I was still weak and desperately needed someone, would they accept me now?

I thought about it very deeply. And finally, I canceled that intention. And tell myself that all I have is me. So live alone. That was enough, as long as it could still eat and sleep in a decent place.

...

"Jade, prepare. You must leave for Singapore as Gaia Wear's representative in my place. There will be a meeting about the new design for the collection next spring. For now, prepare all the files you need." Gaia called me to her office room and gave the order. My mood is turning 180 degrees, will I ever meet that jerk again? Plus, I surmised, she couldn't leave because she was busy preparing for her wedding. I was wondering, if she got married, what was my position in her heart?

"When exactly? Do I need to prepare for other things?"

"That's it for now. I'm still looking for a possibility to go alone. Just watch. So you can get ready if I give you impromptu instructions later."

He finally decided to marry this man. I don't know why, but I feel so empty. I freaked. Does he still need me someday? Or maybe he'll ask me to leave from there? So how am I gonna live? Then he would send me again to the Earnest Corps, wasn't that a careless decision? He sent me to the lion's den. To the place I most want to avoid, to the person I least want to meet.

With the auto-pilot, I quickly performed the task he requested. Hold meetings with designers and related divisions to collect data and information and then compile it in a presentation file so that it can be read easily.

We have just started winter, but have already started producing collections for spring. I'm pensive. Spring is the best season of the year. There will be many events and festivals anywhere in the country. Memories with Clara came to my mind. We took a walk along the Yeouido area during the cherry blossom festival, enjoying a very beautiful view while holding hands. We'll stop by the street vendor's lap five enjoying a gimbap or ice cream. It was the most beautiful picnic for me. Not felt, I shed tears. I forced myself to finish my job.

Finally, Gaia sent me to a meeting in Singapore. Only themselves. I'm not okay at all. After the events of last year, something strange enveloped my heart. I'm so mad. Yet missed every little attention he gave me during that brief moment. I want to be in that situation again. Wanting to feel the warmth that creeps over the heart when she puts food on my plate. But on the other hand, I hate him so much. I am tired of reconciling the two camps in my heart. Should I like or hate?

The songs became the main line on my playlist and I was not stopping to play. I didn't plan on doing it, but by reflex I repeated watching all his shows from youtube.

And I'm going to the man's residence. Along the way I kept praying not to meet him. With anyone you can, as long as it's not him.

I left on the first flight, at 2 a.m. The visit will be the last of the week's agenda. To comfort myself, I tried to imagine that I had arrived at my little house and slept in my bed at night. Then spent the whole Sunday crying venting the distress that was taking place. This time, I avoided business class. Avoiding the possibility of meeting him again. I took a seat by the window. Wishing the view of the earth from the sky could distract me from overthinking. Then I closed my eyes, trying to feel peace.

"Excuse me.." Whisper someone from next door. Ignore me. He would definitely stop if ignored. Thought. I continued my mission to sleep.

"Excuse me.." The voice sounded. Who the hell?! I'm getting upset, but that voice... I seem to know. I turn my head towards him. Is correct. That jerk!

He was sitting next to me wearing a hat and a mask, he was disguised.  Maybe because I was too focused on my gala, I was unaware of the people around me. It turns out there's him. Maddened. I tried to avoid him, but he was there! He gave me his sweetest smile, very handsome, and I felt a warmth envelop my heart.