The Journalist

Part 57: Falling Leaves

Ever since meeting with Ameena, I've been self-asserting. Become a coral that is ready to be hit by the waves. Become a wall that is ready to be torn down anything. And ... becomes a fortress ready to be bombarded with weapons of war.

.

.

.

We're still here. Stand facing each other at a distance of three meters. Trapped in freezing as if waiting for each other who spoke first. Locking each other's eyes. The clear blue eyes seemed to lose light.

I seemed to have forgotten my purpose of coming back to express my feelings out loud. In fact, I have lost the opportunity to do so. The sparkle of hope in my eyes faded slowly. Should I cut this to stop growing? Unfortunately, I don't want this feeling to just go away. I enjoy the pain of hidden love.

Ahmed approached me and Ameena. He asked Ameena to accompany Khalila to sleep downstairs in anticipation of emergencies. Since the men here are only me and Ahmed, so we decided to keep watch on the porch of the women's and children's dormitory to protect them.

"Initially, I agree with you. But, I can understand Mr. Ali's decision. Retreating and hiding in a time when others are busy fighting for the sake of defending this territory, isn't that cowardly?" ahmed said to me as if asking me to understand the current situation.

"I understand."

Ahmed is a confidant of Mr. Ali. It can be seen from his position as part of the board of this foundation. He told me that since he was a dozen years old, he had been with the man. When the war began, he and Mr. Ali began visiting refugee camps to take orphans and children whose parents were unable to pay. In this place, they educate and care for children who are victims of war.

"Mr Ali seems to like you. I think it's because you remind him of his dead sister. Especially ... You're the same age."

"You mean, her sister who is Ameena's ex-husband?"

"Yes, actually at that time Mr. Ali was going to invite you to visit the tomb of his wife and sister. It's just that you chose to go home early."

"Is that so?"

"Brother, what brings you here again? The journey from Damascus to here is quite far, you didn't come to do things in vain, did you? Ah, didn't you say you were going back to Japan?" Ahmed suddenly looked for questions.

I immediately turned my eyes.

Ahmed sighed for a moment, then said, "One of our territory guards told me that he had seen you long before coming here. You were the man Ameena was with in the desert before she was brought here, right?"

I paused for a moment, then nodded to Saru.

"God's Masya. Turns out you not only helped Khalila but Ameena's sister. What ... Do you like sister Ameena?" ahmed asked with caution.

This time, I really didn't know what to answer. "Where might I dare. I'm not as good as Mr. Ali" I replied stammeringly.

"The fool does not matter who is the greatest but who is the more worthy. If Mr. Ali is destined to be Ameena's husband, it could be because he is more deserving than other men. Quick in terms of aqidah and morals. If you like a Muslim woman in this country, at least you should be her equal."

"Subjection?"

In the middle of our conversation, suddenly there was the sound of a bomb followed by a firefight. Not quite a minute from the thunderous bang, suddenly heard the cry of hysterical cry of Khalila. Her crying was almost the same as when I found her in the middle of a fierce battle back then. Ahmed and I ran to the place where the voice came from. Because of my position outside, I could only knock on the window of the room where Khalila was currently.

"Khalila, what's wrong? Did you hear me?"

"Brother Blonde!" her screams called me with tears.

The small open window. I saw Ameena holding her while standing in front of the window.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked when I saw Khalila pale and sweating at some point on her face.

"He was like this when he heard gunshots and bombs" Ameena replied no less worriedly.

"Yes, my sister Khalila always overreacts when she hears voices like this."

Khalila shouted back to asphyxiate as the sound of the rifle grew louder. His eyes were empty and his body was trembling. From here, I just realized there's a possibility Khalila has phonophobia¹.

"Can I go inside? Maybe, I can calm him down."

"Yes, you look less healthy. Let Kei's brother take care of him" Ahmed continued.

Ameena gave a small nod and opened the room door. Ahmed and I rushed into the room. Khalila moved straight into my body. I hugged her while resting her head on my shoulder. I rubbed his head and back in turn.

"Khalila, relax, everything will be fine" I whispered slowly.

Khalila nodded while tightening her embrace. "Born Brother, where's the abi?"

I jerked. My eyes looked at Ameena and Ahmed who were also compact looking at me.

"Your father .. is expelling the people who made the sound of the explosion!" said Ahmed.

"really? Well then, those guys are leaving soon, right?" he asked while squeezing my back.

"Sleep! You'll be safe with me. I'll protect you and your mother. You believe me, right?" I said.

"Big Brother Blonde, I'm so glad you're here!" khalila said with a trembling voice.

"I'm also happy to see you again!" my reply.

Khalila bites my shoulder every time I hear a gunshot. It's like the time he bit the back of my hand as we hid and got trapped in the war zone. I then asked Ameena to open my backpack and take the headphones stored in it. The headphones were pressed into Khalila's ear to minimize the sound of gunshots and bombs heard.

About ten minutes later, Khalila had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I laid her on the bed carefully so as not to wake her up. The headphones are still in his ear.

"I want to check on the other kids. They must be scared too" Ahmed said, rushing out of the room.

Ameena went out of the room without saying anything. Thirty minutes later, however, he came with a tray full of dishes.

"Eat first!" he said as he put the food on a small table filled with thick books.

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry," I replied as I looked at Ameena's back wryly.

"If you don't eat, how can you protect us?" Ameena's voice sounded soft.

Hearing his voice, I immediately took a sitting position at the table and began to eat the dishes that had been provided by him.

"Itadakimasu!" I said while cupping both hands in front of various foods.

I spent it all even though it didn't fit on my tongue. I put down a small bowl of warm soup that I just wiped out. That soup became my last dessert.

"Thank you for the food!" I said to Ameena who was looking at me.

As our eyes turned to tears, he hurriedly lowered his head while collecting dirty dishes and bowls. While out there, explosions still continue to be heard. This time it was accompanied by a missile strike. Just hearing it, I can feel that the battle arena is getting closer. I'm confused as to why they didn't leave this place immediately.

"Mina-chan, we can't continue to survive here! This will ruin Khalila's mentality. You two ... come with me to Damascus. Stay there for a while!"

Ameena flinching for a moment. I saw his hand that was moving the plate to the tray stop moving.

"We must wait for Mr. Ali and ask for his approval first," Ameena replied softly as she turned around carrying a tray containing the cutlery I was wearing.

I almost forgot that Ameena has one now. How am I supposed to sassy this, bringing someone's child and wife-to-be?

The war continued until the sunlight hung in the sky. The atmosphere of the morning that should be beautiful even gripping. The sound of bird singing changed with the explosion of weapons and the boom of bombs continued to stand by without pause. The curtains in each room moved faintly in the wind, carrying dried leaves falling. I picked up one of the dried leaves that perched on top of my head. This atmosphere makes me feel like I'm in the liminal² room.

"They arrived! They're home" shouted someone.

Me, Ahmed, Ameena and the rest of the people in the foundation ran towards the gate. We can't wait to hear about the latest situation. However, our faces instantly changed the moment that appeared at the gate was only four people. Their faces were gloomy shrouded in grief.

"What is the current war situation? Where are Mr Ali and the others?" ahmed asked impatiently.

One of them said in a helpless voice. "God willing, they are martyred!"

.

.

Footprint 🦶🦶🦶

phonophobia: fear or hatred of loud noises. Such as fireworks, firecrackers, bomb explosions, weapons, even balloon eruptions.

Liminal space/liminal space or known as liminality: the threshold condition between what we already know and what we just met.

have you ever had an uncomfortable feeling when you were somewhere? The feeling is like a hollow, strange, nostalgic feeling that brings sadness, or even a sense of mystique. That's called liminal.