The Journalist

Part 34: Don't Be Stupid Loving Me, Yuna ....

There is a time, at one point we will make a partner feel hurt even though it does not mean to hurt him. This is what I did to Yuna at the time.

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I took Yuna for a walk around because this is our spare time. He told me a lot about his activities while I was away. It turned out that he had almost been hit by an explosion at his place of duty. It makes me feel more guilty. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have set foot in this war country. More importantly, he had to postpone his specialist education.

We climbed a hill not far from the location of the dorm building. I walked first, leading him from the front with my hands holding each other tightly so he wouldn't fall. On that hill we can see the city of Damascus as a whole. Until we were at the top, our hands were still clinging to each other. Evidence that our relationship is still warm.

"Hah .. I guess I rarely exercise until climbing a short hill like this is exhausting!" yuna bowed with both hands on my waist.

I turned around, took a handkerchief from my pants pocket to wipe the sweat that was pouring around his face.

Yuna held my hand as she said, "You're still like you used to be. So considerate!"

I looked straight ahead with a pair of almost fused eyebrows. Baffled. How do I start a heart-to-heart conversation with her? All this time I've been running away from the fact that our relationship has no purpose.

I crouched down while picking up a cigarette which I then clamped between my lips. Turn on the tip with a lighter and then I suck deeply into the nicotine substance. Yuna sat behind me with her legs crossed forward while leaning her body on my back.

"Yuna-chan, do you remember when we used to spend our breaks at the top of the school building?" ask me while sitting together fluttering with each other's backs.

"Yes, you've always loved being up high for inspiration. While I have to take care of you from the girls who want to get close to you."

I laughed blandly while continuing to smoke cigarettes. "I didn't even know I was that popular in school."

"As your name ... Kei which means superior, wise and full of blessings. That's yourselves. Do you remember, the whole class was in an uproar knowing we were dating!" Yuna tried to remind us of our early days in a relationship.

"I don't think it's just the whole class, even the whole school knows we're dating."

"We only have time to date at school. You're too busy taking care of the judo club and going to the game. And after graduation, we're forced to have a long-distance relationship."

"When I was in the dorm, I used the break to call you. I remember calling you all night, but the one who picked up your friend's phone and told me you were in the hospital. Frantic and afraid that something might happen to you, I'm determined to get out of the dorm quietly to meet you."

"And it turns out you've been misheard of the information. I'm going to the hospital because I'm in practice."

"After returning home, I must accept punishment. Even Yoshizawa and my other roommates were also punished for conspiring to help me get out of the dorm." Instead of talking about the future of our relationship, I was stuck in the memories we had shared.

"Ah, I've missed seeing your bald head. You look so much more sexy than blonde hair like you do now." Yuna's small laughter sounded.

"If after the completion of military training I married you, maybe now we already have children" I said slowly.

"Hey ..it's too young for our age. We are only twenty-five years old now. I still want us to be like this for the next five to ten years. The important thing is that we love each other and continue to maintain loyalty. After all, we can live together without getting married. Didn't we?"

For the next time, Yuna seemed to break my desire and hope to commit further. This made me realize that what Yoshizawa said was true. Our relationship has no future.

"Yuna-chan, forgive me ...."

"Eh? Why suddenly apologize?"

"I guess ... for the future .. Our relationship is difficult to continue." You know, this sentence is not long, but it feels hard to say.

Yuna turned around and turned to look at me. "What are you talking about?" He pinched my waist as if we were joking.

"I've thought about it" I said, bowing, soaking my dry lips.

Seeing my serious look, I think the smile on Yuna's lips faded. He then moved from back to front so we could face each other.

"Y-kun! What was? Come on, you're too much of a mind and a burden of work." Yuna's little hand wrapped around the back of my hand.

I was long silent with my eyes down. Somehow the atmosphere between us suddenly felt gloomy.

"Yes, just say it!" he said impatiently.

"When I was lost for four days in the Desert, I was actually with a woman. She's the woman I helped when I was on—"

"That's what I already know from your comrades," Yuna suddenly cut off. "You're there for taking her to a refugee camp, right? But you were separated during the assault on that refugee camp."

"No. They wrong. He stayed with me for four days. We faced obstacles together, but had to separate where you found you. He left first and left behind only the black veil that you had used" I said with slow intonation.

This time there was no response from Yuna. His face looked ordinary.

"Then ..." I took a breath, "we met again yesterday. We spent the whole night before I went back to Damascus."

Yuna was still flinching. However, I could see his pupils dilating with a petrified expression.

"Spending a full night?" He repeated my last sentence.

"Hum ...." I nodded without hesitation.

"What do you mean tell me this?" Yuna's hoarse voice sounded. Sounds a lot dreary than my tone of voice.

"I think I should tell you this. Sorry ...." I'm back down. Actually, I'm just not ready to see the sadness in his eyeballs.

He looked away and laughed a little. "I can understand. Don't worry, it doesn't matter to me!" he said stammered like he was holding tight.

I raised my eyes. He made an unexpected response. "I don't think you understand what I mean."

He raised his hand to form a symbol okay. "I don't think there's anything to be concerned about if a couple makes a mistake. My father was also a khilaf. Don't worry, I can understand! You've been honest with me and I appreciate it!" he said with a quick tone accompanied by a pushy smile.

I gasp. Nah! Something's wrong with all this! He should be angry or hate me. It is not about doing something unhealthy in a relationship. Ten years of knowing him, I only knew his stupidity existed when he loved me.

"Yuna-chan, I'm sorry .. From the bottom of my heart, I still want to repeat our meeting. When I was with her, I barely even remembered you. So, I don't think we can continue this relationship." I think this is the most appropriate reason for the breakup even though it seems cruel. Yeah, I'm acting like a jerk who dumped him for the woman I just met.

Yuna took a standing position quickly, then laughed blandly. "Basic stupid! Next time you want to play with another woman, you don't have to tell me" she said with teary eyes. He turned around quickly while raising his head.

"Jonica-chan ...." I called him in a hoarse and resigned tone.

"It doesn't matter if .. you want an open relationship. I know .. guys tend to get bored and want to find something new." This time his words were a little stammering.

How could he let me be like that? Even though I am a freedom believer, I still apply the principle of relating.

"Don't make it harder for me! You shouldn't have to chase me to this country!" I said a little firmly.

He's still behind me. I can see him rubbing his eyes. In this helplessness, I stared at Yuna's back which seemed to shake withstanding the grief. I tried to get to him. He rubbed his eyes.

"Yuna-chan, let's just end it, okay?" My voice barely came out at the end of the sentence.

"Good God, I forgot! Today I still have to control the children's patients! Sorry, I have to be right back. I'll call you tonight, don't forget to finish your supplements." Instead of deciding whether to agree or not, he instead ran away from the topic. I knew this was the way he refused my request.

He turned around quickly while hurriedly leaving the place without responding to my last words. Just walking a few meters, he fell down. I rushed to him. He tried to stand up regardless of me helping him.

I crouched down in front of her, then forced her up onto my back. As we carried him to the dormitory, we did not speak at all. However, I could feel her tear-filled lines unceasingly dripping down my shoulders.

When I made the decision, I thought I was the one who would be the saddest person to have to end this relationship by force. In fact, it was Yuna who was the saddest.

To be honest, I'm not sure I have romantic feelings for Ameena. My story with Ameena shouldn't be the reason I want to end this relationship. I just don't want my decision to make Yuna blame her father. If my reason was because of her father, wouldn't that just make Yuna hate her father even more?

It is not easy to let go of a relationship that has been in place for so long. It is not easy to forget the memories that are formed every year. However, if this is best for him, let me act as the antagonist in our story. Unfortunately, he really is the perfect protagonist. Just like the protagonist who is always portrayed as kind and forgiving despite having been hurt by antagonists, that's how he behaves with me.

Yuna-chan, just know I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm doing all this so you can leave this dangerous country, go back to your parents and continue your education. Thank you for your sacrifice all this time. From you, I learned to love and also to let go ....