The Journalist

Part 19: Me and My Feelings

My body squeezed for a moment. I seemed to be awakened by the fact that our relationship was only limited to a trip in the desert. Ameena might just be like a fast-moving light in my life. Just walk by.

I soon realized that what I was doing was probably going to hurt Yuna. Yes, any woman would not want her man to think of another woman.

After I finished reporting at this place, I headed to the emergency tent where the victims were getting medical attention. Standing not far from the tent, I saw Yuna was busy taking care of patients. Since he knew her in school, he was famous for his high humanity. He enjoys helping people regardless of the person's background. With such a character, which man could not fall for her?

My gaze was then diverted to the figure of the nurse who was giving CPR to one of the unconscious victims. At that moment also my memory seemed to bring me back to the desert. However, I immediately disperse the memory so that the tightness does not come over me again. I turned around, decided to leave.

"Let's!" Yuna's soft voice entered my hearing.

I turned. The jolly woman ran towards me with a smile on her face.

"Are you done covering?" tanyakanya.

"It has. Tomorrow I'm going to the evacuation site for the people around here. How's yours?"

"Civilians who were seriously injured were only a dozen people unlike three days ago. The Syrian army was also only lightly wounded. I think this time it's pretty much a rebel casualty."

I nodded slowly. "Please look at your safety as well. You have to be careful!"

"Good!" Yuna saluted me like a soldier. He turned his body and ran back, heading back to the makeshift tent.

"Yuna, wait! Don't move!" suddenly shouted.

Yuna's feet seemed to be stuck on the ground as soon as she heard an impromptu command from me. "What's wrong? Did I step on a mine?" tanyanya panic. He didn't even dare to look at me.

Seeing her peck like that, made my subtle laughter pop. I immediately approached him who was still motionless. Being in front of him, I squatted down and tied up next to his loose shoelace. Walking with untied shoelaces became one of the bad habits even since school.

Yuna's rough breathing blew for a moment as I finished forming the ribbon on her shoelace. He crouched down so we faced each other.

While holding her chin up, she looked at me brazenly with a broad-blooming smile. I cheated his behavior. My chin, with eyes embedded in his eyeballs. We are like a little boy who is fighting who can't keep his eyes open.

"What are you imagining?" my many.

"I imagine in the middle of where we're crouching, there's a mine. Then the mine exploded and killed us both" he said, chuckling.

"What fantasy is that?! It's scary!" ketusku with the corner of the lips that sneer.

He even laughed crisply. "Isn't that romantic. We'll live our lives."

"Don't make jokes about death!" my ketus. For four days of being lost, many times I was faced with a choice between life and death.

"What are you imagining?" It was her turn to ask me.

"I imagine we're married and have cute kids" I replied slowly, looking into her eyeballs. My love and affection for Yuna is clearly still there.

In that instant, the smile on Yuna's face spontaneously faded.

"Why? Aren't you happy with my delusion?" ask after seeing the change in his expression.

Yes, whether it's just my feelings, Yuna always avoids the topic of wedding planning. I think she's just like any modern woman who's afraid of getting married because she doesn't want to ruin their career. Moreover, our country's marriage culture is still bound by the traditional rules under which the man works and supports his family, while the woman takes care of her husband and children at home.

Not infrequently, married women will give up their careers to take care of the family. This makes some women, especially in Tokyo, prefer to live together without marital status. This is quite a serious problem for the government of our country, which if the interest in marriage and having children is reduced, then it is estimated that in the future we only have elderly left.

Regardless of what the reason is, this is the unique relationship we live in. We have different ideologies but can go on together.

"Wait, you came here because you missed me, right?" guess it while pointing my index finger at my face.

I smiled thinly while catching his index finger. I know he's diverting the discussion around marriage as it has been. When his fingers popped, my gaze was immediately directed at his ring finger. If the diamond ring hadn't gone, maybe now I could have pinned it directly to the ring finger.

I open my fingers until our palms touch each other, then I cut our fingers back and smile at each other.

***

Not felt, twilight began to bridge the time to night. I sat on a pile of ruins whose height almost formed a mountain. I held my head up, looking at the afternoon sky that should have given off an orange glow, instead misty due to the remnants of explosions at some points. Now I understand why Ameena enjoys the blue sky so much with cotton-white clouds.

photo source: Hassan Ammar, file

Mina-chan, how are you doing right now?

I want to make sure of her condition. That'sthat's all. At least, by knowing the news, my heart is a little calm and can continue my life as before.

Until here, I consider my feelings the other day to Ameena only as dear as family. Yes, going through various circumstances just the two of you, made me feel Ameena was the only member of my family. My mother's sense of her carrying the desire to protect her was so overflowing. The desire to stay together also arises. When he left, I felt empty like I lost someone so meaningful. Yeah, I hope that's how I feel about Ameena.

"Ayano-san!"

I turned my head back, as someone called my name. I saw Aoba climb through this rubble full of caution to get to me. Once at the top, the woman with the short haircut was sitting next to me with her legs prodding forward.

"You can help me, right?" I stared blankly ahead.

"certain. You can count on me. I'll find out the list of victims in this place. At least it can help you calm down a little bit" he said optimistically.

Yeah, guess what if I asked Aoba to find Ameena's whereabouts. Aoba is very good at scavenging news. His ability can be said to almost resemble an intelligence agent. He can blend in so easily with the people here, even having connections with some Syrian soldiers just to find information. No wonder he also knew about the estrangement between me and Yuna's father, and the thing behind me being thrown here. Great, right?

"I want to meet him just once. I just want to make sure with my own eyes that he's okay. At least, he should be in a safe place" I said slowly.

"You take it easy, I'll help you. I'll definitely find out more about Ameena's whereabouts. I feel guilty for him too. In fact, at that time he asked me to take him to the refugee camp. But instead, I refused and offered you to accompany him."

"Armato, Aoba-san. I need you to find out one more name!"

"Who is that?"

"Khair," I said quickly, "I want to know everything about the owner of that name."