Munding - Legend of the Wolf Fighter

Chapter 39 - Initiation! Part 3

Do you have a special relationship with Mrs Carik? They were lovers? But why did Jumali end up married to Bu Carik? And then a lot of those questions came up in Munding's head in a very short time. Until he suddenly woke up.

“I almost lost the point of importance. Whatever your relationship, Jumali and Miss Carik, I never knew about it. So where can I feel guilty for something I don't even know?” ask Munding in my heart.

And quickly Munding glanced towards ‘dia’ who stood still while still staring at Munding.

“My alurus,” Munding murmured in heart.

Munding suddenly felt that his surroundings were shrouded in darkness and became a little brighter. He still remained floating without a footstep, accompanied by silence and ‘dia’ remaining silent.

Then quickly Munding's memory floated on two events that made him hesitant in acting tonight. First, when he will help Asma in the field and the second when he will enter Ayu's house.

At the time of helping Asthma, his head was filled with shouts and logical reasons that said that Asma was the son of Jumali and did not need to be helped, while he felt his whole body wanted to move to help Asthma.

There was disagreement and doubt that had made Munding confused about what he should do.

And finally Munding decided to help Asthma. He could feel that at that moment there was not the slightest bit of regret in him because of his actions.

Munding knew that it was something he should have done, even though he might not have managed to save Asthma and was injured in the process. Munding was confident that he would never regret his decision.

And right now, Munding knows what caused it. Because he followed her instinct call.

Munding felt closer to the answer he was looking for, but he still could not find the answer. Inside Munding's head was as if there was a thin layer that limited him with that answer.

The answer that would lead him to the initiation process that he was looking for.

Munding again thought hard, trying to find the key to all the questions and doubts that were in him. Munding knows why ‘Munding’ who stood still in front of him felt guilty, but there is one more emotion that Munding felt from ‘Munding’ besides guilt.

Grief.

Emotions that are much stronger than guilt that come radiating from ‘his body’. Why are you sad? asked Munding inwardly while continuing to think hard.

“Don't I accept you as part of me?” ask Munding.

‘Munding’ simply fell silent.

“Please tell me why you are sad?” Munding still forced me to ask.

“Who are you? Why are you using your head for something to do with feelings? How do you feel about my existence?” answer ‘Munding’.

Munding suddenly woke up. She forgot what Mr. Yai taught her when she went back. The advice was very clear and he remembered it to this day.

Don’t think, feel!!

Munding closed his eyes and he tried to find out what he felt towards ‘Munding’. His predatory instincts which he had acknowledged existed as part of his identity. Part that is inseparable from itself.

Deg.

Munding felt an emotion that suddenly became very clear when he tried to feel it. Emotions that describe what Munding actually feels against his predatory instincts. And Munding knows what it is.

A fear.

Fear of their own predatory instincts.

Munding feared that his predatory instincts would attempt to engulf his consciousness, making him nothing more than a wild beast that relied solely on his instincts.

Munding was afraid that his predatory instincts would make Munding perform actions that are not in accordance with Munding's religion and beliefs.

Munding was afraid that his predatory instincts would one day endanger the loved ones around Munding.

Munding.

“You accepted my whereabouts, but you were afraid of me,” continued ‘Munding’, “fear that made you not trust me. Your own instincts.”

“Fear that makes you always hesitant in acting and making decisions.”

“Fear of being a seal that limits you.”

Silence was again present within this vacuum.

“I have people I love and I have to protect. I have a religion and a belief that I must also maintain. I don't want my instincts to make me lose both,” Munding said firmly to ‘Munding’.

‘Munding’ speechless.

“Did your fear make you not trust me? I'm part of you. What is important to you, is it possible that I will destroy it?” says ‘Munding’.

“At a time when you accepted me as part of you. I was you. How can I take over your body by losing your consciousness. Isn't that the same as me taking over myself?”

“From everything in this world, I am the one who will probably never betray you let alone destroy you. Because I am you. I am no longer an uncontrollable beast. I am your instinct that will always help you to keep your life.”

“Do you doubt me? Your predator instincts?” said ‘Munding’ while extending his hand towards Munding.

Munding looking towards the outstretched hand of ‘Munding’.

Initiations.

Those words appeared in Munding's head all of a sudden. A fighting wolf must take the life of another person for the initiation process. That's what Mr. Yai said and has been widely circulated among fighting wolves.

But is it really like that?

Munding smile. Now he knows the answer. ‘Awakening’ is the process of knowing and acknowledging the presence of predatory instincts in the body of a fighting wolf. But after that, did he always act and take decisions according to his instincts?

Nnnnope.

And that's what Munding did when he raped Bu Carik and when he decided to break into Ayu's house despite something that reminded him of the danger in there.

Munding is now aware that initiation is actually a process of fully trusting the predatory instincts present in him. When his instincts say that something is wrong, then he must stop it.

When his instincts told him that the action was right, even if the whole world was against him, he would not take a step back.

Munding also knew that his instincts would not betray his beliefs. Because he knew that his religion and his beliefs were also a part of him. Without it, he is no longer a Munding.

Munding also finally realized, that anyone and anything that is important to him, it means the same importance to his own instincts. Because they are one. Because they are the same.

And Munding also now knows that the purpose of taking the life of another in initiation is the most extreme way to counteract one's logic and instincts.

Especially when a fighter is faced with the choice to kill the lives of others he does not know at all. Should he follow his logic? Or did he follow his instincts?

All of that is the process towards initiation. The process by which a wolf must choose to trust its own predatory instincts or not.

Munding smiled and grabbed the hand of ‘Munding’ outstretched in front of him.

And at that moment Munding realized, instincts, beliefs, life experiences, people closest to him and many other things is a whole unity that forms his consciousness. Which determines his identity. The identity of a Munding.

Munding the Wolf Fighter.