LOVE SONGS OF LOLOBATA

CONSIDERATIONS

I'm living this week as a very long and boring day. Many longings have shackled my soul. I miss someone who is sad on the other side. Long for the peace the gurgling river water flowing, the atmosphere of the forest, and the chirping of birds singing the song of life. Especially miss the behavior of Aga who may have forgotten me. Aga has been comfortable in the arms of parents who have helped her birth. I felt useless and neglected. Moreover, Farhana doctors are too busy this week to rarely chat or send videos of bird watching.

Last night, Bray reported that he was out of the ICCU and being treated in a regular patient care room. I am grateful for that good news. But at the same time my mind was complicated by their plans to propose to me. Frankly, I'm not mentally ready.

"Papa is starting to talk. The first thing he asked was you."

"Me?"

"Yes. Ye. He told me to ask immediately for your willingness to marry me."

I stepped back. Fearful. Can I not answer that request? I feel like running away. But I thought again, would I be able to stay away from him. Feels not. I'm gonna be lonely. I've been dependent on sleeping pills that he presents almost every night. I can sleep without hearing his voice. Where could.

If I refused her proposal, she would be disappointed and might decide to stay away from me like Arfa never heard from again. Who else would care about me? Who will help me lead forward and be confident? Who will help me when I am lost and broken? Wh who? Andi Sharif? He never called me again except for those related to foundation matters. Andi Syarif was never there when I needed his help. Bray is my best friend right now.

"I'm taking all the conditions Grandma put forward."

"What conditions? Panai money?" manya panic.

I don't want to get married yet. I also do not agree with the tradition of panai money that is usually asked as a condition of asking for girls in custom. Women do not always want to be rewarded with money. I realized my position as an uneducated mixed-blooded girl. Although my father is of noble descent, I cannot yet behave like a noble in general. Is it possible that grandma asked for a large amount of panai money for the sake of her family's self-esteem?

"Your grandmother never talked about panai money."

Not talking panai money? The more confused I am. If not panai money, then what are the conditions proposed by Grandma? The crunch of news I've heard about the issues often discussed in wedding plans is the tradition of panai money fixing. Grandma never discussed those terms with me. He said he just wanted to delay because I was too young and inexperienced. I think it's grandma's subtle language to say that her granddaughter is kind of stupid. Grandma wanted to postpone the marriage because at this time I could not be rewarded with high panai money in accordance with the position of the grandmother family in custom. I have to continue my education and learn to beautify myself.

"If not panai money, then what are the conditions that Grandma put forward?"

Bray laughed a little. "Only a grandmother's standard request."

"Yes. What's?" I was so curious that I pressed my tone of voice to a shrill.

"Do you know or really tempeh?"

Bray still smiled casually. It doesn't look burdened at all. While I was upset and curious at what Grandma required. In my mind there is only one possibility, which is panai money.

"Grandmother asked her grandson to be loved and valued as a dignified woman throughout his life, still to be supported by continuing education, not considered a child-making machine, given the opportunity to develop, and given a decent livelihood."

Huh huh? Abstract on its terms. Only the last condition the indicator can measure. There is no measurement tool that guarantees that these conditions are met throughout life. Especially by a man who is seen from any angle his position on the wind. That's a naive condition. His approval was only a promise. We all know the truth that the heart can turn. Now love, tomorrow turn.

Even so in principle I agree with the content of the naive requirement. Inwardly sorry to have misjudged my own grandmother. I admit my grandmother was smart. He did not determine the panai money in measuring dignity, but more worried about my life as a woman after marriage.

"Can I be honest with Bray?"

"That's a lot."

"I don't want to get married yet."

"Ehm..."

It is difficult to set a heart that is plan. I swallowed the saliva expelling the doubt that was heart-wrenching. There is nothing to disturb the heart except a magical smile that will not be separated from Bray's lips. One side wants to turn away not to see so as not to get the magical effect. But I can't ignore that hypnotizing beauty.

"If papa mas Bray wants to have a grandchild soon, maybe Bray can marry someone else who is more deserving and better than Fifa."

"It's not random either. Mas Bray must know a lot of people who ..."

"The beautiful, smart and attractive are many. But my heart has stuck with you." Bray cut firmly while showing off her seductive smile.

"I want to marry Fifa. Not the others." he added sure.

"But Budhi sir is expecting a descent."

Oops. I shut my mouth. Why do I think so seriously? Can't I be like Fifi who thinks it's simple that Bray's application is lucky. The opportunity to get married to a rich, handsome and kind person is like winning the lottery. The possibilities are very small. Therefore, just capture this opportunity first, do not think about the risk. Every choice has consequences. Why should I be worried like this?

Bray replied with his infectious smile. I don't know why my lips curl a smile when I see him smile.

"I've heard ustadz's advice that marriage is perfecting religion. By marrying we are not caught in the sin of adultery. The issue of descent is God's right. My dad just got me after more than 10 years of marriage. Neither of their marriages was given a child. No one will be able to demand that we have to have children soon. I'm sure papa just wants me not to live alone. He will be calmer if his son has a partner and has a new family that supports each other.

I'm down.

"My name is Firdaus. Mama wished me to be the good man who led the family to the highest heaven of my name. Although I have not been like my mother's expectations, but I want to glorify you as a dignified Muslim woman. That's one reason I want to marry you."

I looked into her eyes in my silence.

"I can't help but touch you, Fifa. We are dating halal! So that we can strengthen each other. If you are sad, I can hug you. The opposite is true."

I still don't flinch but enjoy her beautiful smile.

"After marriage we will live in a service house in the mine area that is more secure. Just a small semi-permanent house, but comfortable enough for both of us. You can go to the aviary every day. You can go to any college you want. You can still do whatever you want. We can vacation together in the forest while free or just sit looking for inspiration on the river. As a couple we can do a lot of things together without any partition separating."

Vacationing in the forest while free. Sitting by the river looking for inspiration. Something I usually do alone since baba's gone. Now the activity is offered Bray as a luxury of the heart. Together doing something that makes me feel peaceful and happy.

"I want to see the halmahera angel dancing in the Lolobata forest" I said spontaneously. That hidden desire came out of control.

"You can bring a camera to capture it."

"But it's not easy. Could take days."

"No problem. We can camp or put the harm on the tree. In the plan of activities we do not have to make direct observations in nature every day. Dr. Farhana and Dr. Hans must be interested in joining us."

"Wild birds won't feel comfortable if there's a lot of people lurking." I protested.

"Does that mean we're just gonna be alone?" Bray again developed a teasing smile.

I didn't answer. My mind would rather wander off imagining what it would be like to have a honeymoon together in the woods. Maybe Bray can't survive in the woods. When he first met in the forest he brought horses, complete equipment, and his brother as a guide.

"How's Fifa? Will you marry me?"

I'm still quiet.

"It's not for papa, grandma or anyone. But for the sake of happiness, we both. Marry me! We both learn to know each other in a lawful bond."

Religiously, the relationship in the marriage bond is more dignified. I also have no reason to refuse.