LOVE SONGS OF LOLOBATA

NOT MY FAULT

I feel guilty about this divorce. Maybe my fate as a bad carrier is right. Mama's household that originally looked cool, turned hot since my presence. I was the cause of that fight. Not waiting for a long time the news of the divorce of mama spread throughout the villagers because we lived next door to senior gossip reporters in our village who must have heard the fight that night. Mama Wen, the first wife of the village head until he took the time to come to ask the truth of the news directly when the sun still did not rise until after all.

"Where did you divorce your father? What's the problem?" ask the middle-aged woman who has always preferred to be allied with her mother compared to the wife of the other village head father. He seemed very disappointed with the decision.

"Sorry, Brother Wen. You are too influenced by people's talk about Fifa and forced me to give permission to marry Fifa to the village head next door. I disagreed and finally we had a big fight and then what happened to Brother Wen heard from the village people."

"Why tara too what did you say? Aren't you the obedient wife all along? Fifa is old enough. The village head next door descendant of good people. Landlords anyway. Su's got a lot of copra money."

"Fifa will not marry except with people she does not love" said Mama.

Mama Wen snorted until the sound of her breathing was clearly heard in my ear that was weaving a mat on the floor of the house. His eyes immediately looked at me sharply as if they were about to skin my body.

"Who would you marry, Fifa? Arfa rejected. The village head's son did not want to," his grunts growled.

I didn't answer. For me it's not a question, it's just the rhetoric of a disillusioned person. My hands continued to weave the dried pandan skillfully. I'm getting used to hearing other people's bad views. My ears are immune enough. As long as it's not a mama who's insulted, I better not interfere with the divorce.

"That's it, Brother Wen. I think the fate of my marriage with my father is done here. It's not Fifa's fault at all."

"There will surely regret being divorced because of this wild, arrogant and stubborn girl." Mama Wen pointed her hands down right above my head.

I'm staying quiet.

"Until any time a mother would prefer the happiness of her child, sister Wen. After all, did Wen's own brother who said there would be a wife who was divorced because he had intended to marry a young widow from the next village. Fifa's problem might just be an excuse to get rid of me."

"Right you're crazy about the itchy widow, but I hope it's not the divorced one. Yusia or Lila only. Greedy people, big mouths, and a lot of whims."

"They are young and beautiful, Brother Wen. I've guessed, if anyone will be divorced I'm definitely his choice."

Mama Wen was silent. He was sad and because there was no longer the wife of the village head who wanted to ally with him. The other two wives were young, high-styled, and did not want to be arranged by mama Wen as the first wife. According to the story of Wen's mother, the other father's wife always asked for more spending money rations for various reasons and the father always granted it. Only the mother's wife is patient, respects the first wife, and does not demand much.

I think that Mama Wen's dislike was triggered by the economic and lifestyle problems of the other two wives. It affected the economy of his family. I've seen my mom give Wen money a few times because the village head's first wife complained of economic problems too often.

"We will remain brothers, Brother Wen. Don't worry about my status. We can still help each other." Mama hugged Mama Wen until her heart was quite relieved.

Mama Wen finally came home, albeit with a disappointed face. I don't know what he's gonna do. But the mother of 4 children still shed tears when releasing the embrace of mom and declared goodbye. My heart's tenuous. Am I the cause of all this? My guilt has become.

Should I just accept an arranged marriage with the village head's son next door for the two women?

I don't know what my home story will be. My life right now is still full of excitement. Not knowing the purpose of life. Everything just flows with the flow.

Sometimes I think, maybe I've got a crazy disease. Even when alone, his shadow often comes a blink of an eye showing his charming smile. I can smile or be angry because of the shadow. I don't know where to treat my gum disease. I was too embarrassed to tell you the true condition of my heart.

Of course what was on my mind I never told anyone. Including mom. Let's just think I know and feel.

"Ma, how about I take that match for Mama and Mama Wen?" Rather than being haunted by guilt, I finally ventured to express my opinion to my mother.

Of course, my mother's reaction was surprised to hear it. Maybe he didn't think that the stubborn me could see Mama Wen's cry.

"No, Fifa. You don't have to sacrifice. Make sure your own happiness. Your future is long. Don't you waste it. Mama doesn't like the village head boy next door. Said his religious people less and often found drunk at parties or at village todDLers."

I shrieked in horror hearing the person to be betrothed turned out to be a drunkard. The shadow of a full-fledged household life immediately enveloped my mind. Horrifically. People who are drunk can do anything beyond reason because their brain cannot think normally. A variety of crimes can arise when people are drunk. I used to see Mama Tio asking for protection on baba and mama with a body full of wounds and bruises as a result of being beaten by her husband who came home drunk and lost gambling. But they love each other. After realizing papa Tio usually apologizes and they make up again. But because the man always came to the old man's shop, rude actions still often happened to his wife and children. Of course I don't want to be the same fate as Mama Tio and her children.

I want to mate with a man like Baba who is devoutly religious and loves the family. Mama's right. I can't sacrifice myself marrying a drunk.

"Arfa is much better than the son of the village chief next door. Believe that! Your life won't be happy if you marry a drunk."

Mama's words cannot be denied the truth. But ...? Why do you still associate the name Arfa? Did you expect me to fight for Arfa?

"We're being tested for patience, Fifa. We both need to be mentally strong. Mom's decision was final. You don't have to feel guilty about your divorce. It's not all your fault. Mama believes this is the answer to the prayers that you always say at the end of the evening prayer."

"What about Fifi? His school?"

"God willing, everything will go as it should. The blessing comes from God. Mama is still able to manage the garden we have and that is enough for the lives of the three of us. You are independent and hardworking. Mama can depend on you too." replied mama accompanied by a confident smile.

"In our house there are no men. Are we gonna be safe?"

"We are used to being independent. For four years in this new village, my mother always did everything herself. Here our work is lighter because there is electricity and motorcycles. Mama was married because she was afraid that there was no family protector. Allah is the best refuge."

My mother's confidence strengthened my heart again. The salt acid of life is eaten more. I just according. I know that my mother's decision must have been based on the long consideration and prayer support that she has been offering all night.

"Remember, Fifa! It's not all your fault. Let's get that."

I nodded for sure.

"We strive to do good in order to meet Baba in heaven. We all love baba. Mama still wants to be Baba's wife in heaven."

Akh, mama ... I'm moved. Your love is boundless by the narrowness of the world. May I be met with a man as good as Baba who will challenge me to the afterlife together. Amens.