LOVE SONGS OF LOLOBATA

DISILLUSIONED

I went to the mosque and ate alone in an empty room. I'm shy. I'm not used to my face. But I try to strengthen myself that the condition of this face will not change anything in my life.

My eating did not feel good because when moving the mouth wound on my cheek feels sore. I choose foods that are easy to swallow without chewing. In front of me was a bowl of manado porridge and a glass of milk. The special menu I asked myself through a written note to Mr. Tristan, including a request to eat in a special room alone.

I need to replenish my spirit by contemplating myself. I am not a person who likes to be the center of attention in the crowd, especially with the unusual state of my face. That's why I'm here. Alone enjoy a bowl of manado porridge and a glass of milk as a special lunch menu.

Tut tuut the sound of my gawa rang. Video call from Bray. I doubt if I'll lift it or not. I just let it go until the deadline stopped the call itself.

Tut tuut. The video call rings again. I have called twice. I don't deserve to ignore. Perhaps there is some important news to tell me. I raised my salary even half-heartedly.

"Assalamu'alaikum, by Fifa."

Bray's smile and greetings made me even more embarrassed.

Being called ukhti makes me feel guilty. It is not proper to wear these clothes without a heart call. I was wearing this outfit just for the reason of hiding the hideous face of a kuntilanak. I don't know. I don't know if what I'm doing is going to tarnish the good name of a group or not. If for example there is a demand to apologize to the veiled ukhti-ukhti, I will do it wholeheartedly.

"Wa'alaikumsalam." I answered softly.

"How's it going, Fifa?"

"Good."

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you in person. Yesterday afternoon I still had to be accompanied by an international ISO assessor who came to the office."

I knew the reason and understood it. I still feel privileged. In between the busyness Bray still had time to help and think about my fate.

"What's wrong. Thank you for caring and helping me. Thank you for sending Hisham to take us to Makassar. Thank ye. Thank ye. Thank you so much Bray. May Allah repay with multiplied good." I tried stringing a lot of words against the pain in my cheeks due to the mouth movements that pulled the muscles around my wounds.

Bray smiled with satisfaction at hearing many thanks from me.

"Thank God that all my work be facilitated because of my kindness to you."

Oops. Why does it sound like a big head?

"Assessors are satisfied with the condition of our company. All aspects above standard. Qingcai. One of the assessors even promised to bring me together with investors from Japan for the plan to build an electric car battery factory that we planned." said Bray with enthusiasm.

"Is it not greedy to accept many offers?"

"Not greedy. Where better opportunities that come stay selected aja to. Business must be smart. Every chance to catch it. The more opportunities we get, the better bargaining power."

"Yes yes." I'll say the talk even though I don't understand the direction. I'm a layman and a fool about business. Just learning the financial system is weak my brain. Especially the others.

After a few seconds of silence. Bray then opened another topic.

"Maudy's still there, right?" bray asked a little doubt when I was sure that was what made him curious and called me.

"Yes." Yeah."

"Where's the outcome of the conversation with him?"

"We'll revoke the report on condition."

Bray immediately threw his body on the back of his work chair that looks dashing and ergonomic. That instant also his face turned disappointed. "yeah. How to withdraw the report. Shouldn't want to unplug the report, Fifa. Maudy had committed a severe and well-planned persecution. Not worthy of forgiveness. His actions are sadistic. Criminal."

I can't answer the protest. Bray looked very disappointed with the decision. I feel so guilty. It must be admitted that Bray's ploy that made Maudy successfully arrested by the police. He had also persuaded and pressured the police chief not to take bribes from his family. Bray cleverly sent Hisham to help us quickly run for asylum. He's the one who's been planning all the strategies to deal with Maudy.

A lot of things have been done in between his busy life. It's natural that Bray is disappointed. His efforts led Maudy to spend a long time in prison as if dashed by our impulsive decision.

"Should've kept him in jail longer. Maudy needs to know what it's like to sleep on a floor where there are mosquitoes and cockroaches. He must feel the humiliation of being a prisoner. All this time he always acted as he pleased and arbitrarily with others. Never want to know how hard it is to live someone else."

"Say my grandmother will have merit and spaciousness if she forgives."

"Pardon me, but the criminal report must continue. Let him be deterred." Bray denied in a high tone.

I was silent again to let Bray vent his frustration at length times high to the full volume.

"He is evil and behaves with you. Maudy should be punished severely. Don't just be released."

"There's a condition before we revoke the report he has to apologize to everyone, including Bray as well. Our notary is making his deal. They've also agreed to pay 3 billion in medical expenses."

"That's too easy for him. Not worth your suffering. It's not fair." Bray insists on saying it's unfair.

I'm not picking. It is wrong not to involve him in this decision. I enjoyed his handsome face with a smile. Even angry, he still did not lose charisma in my eyes.

"Fifa ..."

Bray cut his words to my name. It's one of the parts I love about him and it makes me flattered. I'm waiting to see if he still wants to let go of his disappointment. But he seems tired. All expressions of disappointment have been spilled. The storm was carried by the wind.

"You're okay, right?"

"Yes. Fifa apologizes for not being able to fulfill Bray's wishes. That's our family's decision."

"You're too good, Fifa" he said slowly. Obviously I saw his disappointed look even though he said I was good. I am really confused how to. I can't deny that my heart also hurts to see him disappointed. But how? This decision cannot satisfy all parties.

"Phifa. Can you open your veil? I want to see how your wound develops. The photo that doctor Hans sent yesterday looks terrible."

Deg. My heartbeat rate is like braking. Suddenly my heart movement weakened. The blood stopped flowing. I was sad and afraid Bray would be even more disappointed if he knew what my face looked like.

"Fifa ..."

"My face is now ugly like a kuntilanak. Bray ain't afraid to see kuntilanak?" I try to avoid it with a joke that is not funny.

"No. Usually beautiful kuntilanak before pulled nails from his head. If it's been revoked the new nail ugly, because laugh giggling." I can't believe Bray just chimed in with a little laugh.

"So if you don't laugh giggling kuntilanak still pretty?"

"Yes. Stay pretty."

"Even if his face is full of scratches?"

Bray was silent for a moment. Not sure if I answer yes or no.

I finally decided to open my veil and smile at my camera. He knew my condition when I was still bleeding through a photo sent by Dr. Hans. Whatever happens, I have to be ready. If Bray was disappointed to see my face and then disallowed his promise in front of Baba's tomb I was ready. From the beginning I just wanted to see and admire him as an idol, I didn't have to have it all.

"You still look beautiful" she commented.

"That's slander."

"really. From here you still look beautiful. Maybe because of the light of your heart. Anyway I still love you."

Really it? Or just a sweet word to entertain yourself. Whatever. At some point all will reach the point of life balance. Not necessarily what we want to achieve. Not necessarily our decisions and behaviors are liked by others. But we always try to achieve what we want.

"If your face cannot recover, you can take cosmetic surgery. Korean artists are usually beautiful because of plastic surgery. Not problem. Being beautiful is easy. The difficult thing is to change the attitude and character of people for the better. Plastic surgeons are many now. But getting a girl of character is hard for mercy." Bray smiled knot.

The support of others was also influential in making my mood better in accepting this destiny. My lips developed a smile. Must spirit. My life cannot be ruined because of this.