LOVE SONGS OF LOLOBATA

LIVING FOR MOM

I kept wondering, did I bring bad luck to the people closest to me?

My feelings got worse with the presence of Mama Arfa. If I blame Bray for the death of my best friend. Now I'm starting to think it's not someone else to blame for this disaster, it's myself. If that's true, why don't I just die? I'm no longer useful. No more children want to learn to read and teach in baba relics. The village is deserted without any residents anymore. The parrot that used to accompany and listen to the outpouring of my heart is dead. My life has no purpose. No one wants me alive. Everyone hated me and gave the stamp of the stubborn arrogant girl.

"Don't hear what Mama Arfa said, honey. There is no goddamn creature on this earth. All this has become destiny. Before we were born, our fate was written in Lauhul mahfudz. You remember that baba advice, right?" said Mama gave me a booster shot.

I'm nodding.

Rupps. The liquid snot that flows out of my nose even I breathe like a child's behavior.

"Love you, Fifa. Don't feel alone. No matter how you are, your mom is always with you."

I immerse myself in my mom's arms. It felt like she wanted to go back into her womb and never be born again in this world. Only the mama I lean on will my life be this empty.

"Tonight we'll sleep here with big brother, Fi. Put your bike in the house and please let me know if we stay here."

"Just the same with Fifa. Fifi wants to go home. There are schoolwork that Fifi has to do." reject Fifi with a slightly sour face.

Fifi refused to accompany me. My sister never wanted to live in a simple hut where the wood was almost rotten. There is no electricity or adequate home appliances. It is different from the house in the new village. Although both are made of wood, it still looks sturdy. The house is equipped with electrical connections, tables, chairs, cabinets and other equipment that although simple but complete like a house in general.

Despite the brothers, we have different characters and lifestyles. People prefer Fifi because she is a cheerful and modern-style girl. How to wear it also follows the trend of city people. Unlike me whose appearance is considered ancient.

Mom looked confused for a moment, looking at me and Fifi alternated. But finally, my mother decided to accompany me. Maybe he saw that my situation looked very bad and needed more attention. Or still missing because I just disappeared?

"Yes, go home! Be careful on the road!"

That night Fifi returned home to the new village by riding his motorcycle. Just this time Mama was more worried about me than Fifi. The boy had to ride a motorcycle alone at night.

"Mama should have just returned to the village. I'm okay alone. It's mundane. It's already night time. There's nothing on the road with Fifi."

"Fifi used to come home at night. God is safe. Let's just pray for it." Mama patted my back again with a soft, reassuring pat.

Then he led me into a dark house. There's no lighting. There is no electrical connection in this house. I ran out of castor oil which is usually used for small lamps whose light is dim in our house.

"Dark, Ma. Castor oil supplies are no more. Fifa forgot to make castor oil to fill the blencong."

"What's wrong. It's better dark so you don't keep crying all night. Usually the dark makes us fall asleep soon."

I hope I can sleep soon and have a good dream. I want to sleep and forget all the things that made me sad and down. Hopefully tomorrow you wake up fit and ready to move. Tomorrow I have to find castor seeds and make oil for the lighting of this house at night.

"You really don't want to marry Arfa, honey?"

I don't know why my mom asked me that again. Did he forget that his son was notoriously stubborn? Where might day say this and then night change say so. Plin plan is not me. There has to be a good reason that I can change my mind.

"She's already engaged to Deya. Why did you ask me that again?" grumbling.

"The engagement is not legal. What happened was actually just an agreement between families that happened to invite the crowd. Said the father, Arfa was not present at the event."

I don't really want to know about that. Masabodos. That engagement has nothing to do with my life.

"Arfa is still faithfully waiting for your answer."

"I've said no many times. I don't have any feelings for more than just friends, Ma. We were together as friends."

"For a long time, his family didn't like us." I said. I really don't want to talk about this. I sincerely want Arfa to marry Deya or another girl. Even if I can't be friends with him anymore, I'm ready. I have to get used to doing everything myself.

"But Arfa seems very serious and sincere in loving you."

Then what should I do? Mama made me even more confused. I rolled the body to the edge of the left bed. A little away from the mama on the right.

Dingy. Sleep talk like this is too much for me. I prefer to be told folklore just like the habits of baba when I was a child so that we go to sleep quickly.

"The man must be devoted to his mother for the rest of his life. It's not good that you're married without her mother's blessing." Mom's voice sounded like a sigh of regret. Does that mean you really want me to get married like girls my age around our territory? Is mama ashamed of her son being called a spinster?

The same thought about the Arfa family has long been entrenched in my head. A devout man runs a religion and is responsible. His nature is actually very worthy of being the criteria for a dream husband. I'm not denying that. Moreover, plus the character who is independent, hardworking, and persistent to fight for the future. That's why many girls crave Arfa, some even crazy like Deya. All means are done to attract the attention of Arfa. Unfortunately, Arfa was never interested in Deya.

Should I feel lucky to get Arfa's attention all this time? One of the reasons people label me a proud girl is because they know I refuse to marry someone as good as Arfa.

"No more talking about Arfa, Ma. Fifa is getting dizzy. Someday he will realize his main obligation, which is to serve the parents."

"Mama thinks so too." Mama's voice accompanied by a small laugh sign agreed with my answer.

Thank goodness she understood and had the same understanding as me. I rolled back towards him and hugged him tightly. The warmth of his body flowed into my body. We share positive energy with the physical touch of mother and child. A powerful energy that soothes my heart.

Being together tonight made me realize that the reason I'm alive now is to make my mom happy, the only parent who's alive and loves me. No matter who hates me, where my mom is with me is where I'm sure there's happiness for me.

Alright, Mama. From now on, Fifa will do what you want. Fifa will help mom. If tomorrow morning Fifa has to come with her mom, Fifa will go wherever she wants.