LOVE SONGS OF LOLOBATA

HEART LINK

We rode our motorbikes slowly through the sidewalk on the river. Instead of faster, it is more tiring and time consuming. Many times I had to go down because the motorcycle tyre was in the watery red ground. Free to use a motorcycle across a path that is rarely passed by people like this. The land is not dense and sticky until often the wheels of Arfa motorcycles are difficult to turn.

I laughed at Arfa's difficulties. For me Arfa's effort to hold the handlebars of the motor while controlling the gas, brakes and teeth looks funny. The man remains persistent in fighting for the speed of his motorcycle despite whatever the challenge.

"That's it. Go back to mess. Let me just go home on foot. I can't wait to see this sweaty. The house is close."

Arfa instead pushed her motorcycle and aligned me on foot while guiding her.

"Sort of like a fool. There's a motor but it's driven. Tired of it later."

Arfa smile. He didn't say much on his next trip. It was me who laughed at our stupidity along the way.

We split up on the trail near my house. As promised, Arfa didn't stop by my house. He looked at me from the street to make sure I was in the house. I waved at the door and smiled at her, "Thank you."

Arfa replied with a big smile. He was still riding on a motorcycle whose engine died when I entered and closed the door of the house tightly.

I changed clothes, tidied up my backpack and lay on a handmade wooden bed. Without mattress. The pillow is a cloth and clothes that I stack neatly and tie in one long cloth.

There was no closet in my room. It was so simple our lives but I used to always feel enough with what God gave me.

I am confused to decide my next life. I cannot live alone in a place that is no longer mine. Although said Arfa I can still stay for 2 more years, but for what. No more neighbors, all moved. Life is no longer the same as it was when Baba was alive. Why survive here. Baba's grave has been moved. Mama has also received mercy money sign we are no longer entitled to this land.

Akh. My life feels empty. Should I go to school or find a job to fill my day with no purpose? Or help you make a living in a new village by managing the fields, weaving and raising? However, it seems that I do not want to have to follow the flow of the times.

Crick. The door of the house is open.

"Alhamdulillah, you have gone home to Fifa. Mama can't sleep well worrying about you."

I thought it must be my mom coming. I woke up and sat on the edge of the bed. Mom came over, hugged and kissed me who was still sitting on the bed. My room is a room without doors. Everyone who entered immediately knew whether I was at home or not.

"Where are you?" mama asked while stroking my cheeks. Looks very big miss on this stubborn girl.

"From forest. Find resin."

"Can?"

I nodded, "Su tipped Arfa for sale" I said as I watched her eyes circled around looking for resin as proof of my words.

"Why go to the woods to find a damar? Less food?"

"Bored. I don't have a job. The thread is finished. Cotton trees don't flower." I complained. But that's not the reason. I need to calm myself down because there are so many problems in my head.

"You want to make a pandan mat? Your hands are skilled at making anything. We can take pandan leaves on the edge of the field bordering the forest. Mama planted last year. It looks like it's high and ready to harvest."

I nodded weakly. I don't want to be a dissident child. Mama knows very well my hands are skilled at making any craft and my brain is brilliant enough to modify the craft with new creations that are more unique and interesting. I may have rejected the offer. My mom is the only parent I have. Of course I always wanted to make him happy.

Slowly mama began to let go of her embrace and spoke in a sad tone, "Mama is sorry to have moved the baba tomb to the public cemetery of the new village 3 days ago. Said the guy was a good day to move the tomb, so mama told the villagers to move the tomb of baba and Afan."

Finally the confession came out of my mother's mouth without my asking. My heart is a little relieved.

"Mama has also received mercy money on this land. I'm sorry mama!"

I was helpless to refute his words. Especially hearing the mama's soft and soft voice.

I know how Mom feels. That decision is not easy. Mama must have considered my desire to defend Baba's legacy. My mom's son is not just me. She also wants to make all her children happy. No mother wants to hurt her own child, right?

My body feels boneless. Limply. Dismissed my hope of surviving in this baba land.

"There's still 2 years to reminisce on this land."

I could only stare at the sad face of my mother and try to link my heart to her. My mouth's locked. No words can describe my emptiness.

"Mama has divided the mercy money into 3: for you, Fifi and Salman if he comes home later. The Fifi money will be used for school fees. Salman mama's money buys ex-transmigrant coconuts at SP 6. Your money's put in your bank account on your behalf as suggested by Arfa and Fifi."

"For mom?"

"Mama's old, you don't need anything else. Home and garden in the new village is enough for mama to provide mama's life until baba pick mama back to the Lord's birthday. You need money because your future is long."

Do I need money for my long future? Did ya? I'm 18 years old. Last month Arfa and I passed the SMU equivalent C package equation exam. During this time we learned self-taught together from package C books that Arfa took from an educational foundation where we enrolled in the sub-district. Didn't I have a chance to develop myself just like Arfa's plan?

Did I just go to the city to get a job or go to college? But what college major? I have absolutely no ideals. Never dared to dream grandiose to be a different person from Afifa who is now.

Akh .. think about it now. My head's dizzy. Just do what can be done now.

"What do you want, baby? College, looking for work or accompanying mom in a new village?"

I looked into my mother's eyes looking for the answer to what she wanted. I found no answer in his eyes. My mother had no hope but my happiness. Everything about my life I have to decide for myself. While I don't know what or how. Baffled.

"Or do you want to get married?" Mama asked with a seductive smile.

I'm down. A lot of girls my age are married and have children.

Mama stroked my hair with her fingers that began to appear to lose collagen. Not yet wrinkled, but already visible fine lines on the surface of the skin is light colored. Since the departure of Baba and married the father of the village head, mama looks to start aging. His steps are still energetic, but his soul is no longer fit and cheerful like when he was still with baba. The stars that I had seen filling his eyes were now extinguished.

"I don't want to get married" I replied.

Mama nodded slowly and smiled, "What's wrong. Marry someone you love and love you. Mama wants to see you happy, honey."

I lay my head on my mother's lap. I still want to be the little girl cowering spoiled in her mother's lap. I enjoyed every hand on my skin and hair. Why does everything have to change?

"Mama bring tofu sambal rice for you. Your chickens mama's moved to the cage in the new village house."

I don't want to comment anything. I enjoyed the comfort of my mom's hand caresses that greeted my hair and body with a gentle and loving touch.

Baba was happy in heaven. I really need to let her go. My job in this world now is to make my mother happy and make her love my life so that I can catch up with my father in heaven.

"Let's eat."

I lifted my body up from my mother's lap. Hungry stomach. All I ever understood was my need to eat to survive.