Friend Bed

Stay Here

"Maybe Papa and Mama are home, let's get out now!" kak Darren's orders were answered with a nod of the head by me.

Darren then got up and came out of my room. As for me, I can only stare at his back while feeling tightness in the chest hearing his words.

I then got up, walked behind Kak Darren, and when we finished going down the stairs, Papa and Mama seemed to have entered the house while walking towards the two of us.

"How are you guys?" mama Aini asked who hugged me.

"Okay Ma" I replied.

"Darren, you take good care of your sister, right? You're not going anywhere, are you?" ask Papa to Darren.

"No, I'm not going anywhere Pa. We're at home" Darren replied as he glanced at me. Pain, back this feeling is present in my heart, a feeling that may never have an end, and whether until when will always I think. But it turns out not only pain, but also guilt because in addition to the pain because I would never be able to have the person I love, I also have guilt for my parents.

Especially when we see the faces of our parents. 'Papa, Mama, forgive us, ' I muttered while in Mama Aini's arms.

"Papa, Mama, can I talk to you for a second?" said Brother Darren who suddenly surprised me.

"What's Darren doing?" ask Papa Roy.

"Actually it's not too important Pa" said Kak Darren. However, for some reason I suddenly felt so anxious to hear his words. We walked to the sofa in the middle room.

I also followed the steps of both my parents and Brother Darren. Normally, I never wanted to know about Kak Darren and my parents' conversation, but somehow all of a sudden today I was very curious to know what Kak Darren wanted to talk about.

"What's up, Darren?" mama Aini asked as we sat on the sofa. As for me, I felt very scared, right now all I could do was squeeze my clothes while holding back the various mixed feelings. My heart felt so anxious thinking about what he was going to say. When I saw Brother Darren who started to open his lips, I wanted to care for this ear but I also wanted to hear his words.

"Father, Mama. One week later, I graduated from college. Can I continue my master's program to Australia?" said Brother Darren who made my body feel so weak.

'Really this? Did I not hear wrong? Darren's going to Australia? Doesn't that mean we have to separate?' I muttered while looking at him blankly. Brother Darren knows I'm looking at him right now but he doesn't seem to be looking at me on purpose, even just to look at me. He actually fulfilled the promise he had just made to keep me away, and I was the one who asked for it, but why did it feel like this heart was unwilling? Look how selfish I am. I am very selfish.

I breathed my longs while closing my eyes. Isn't this the right decision? Should we part ways to bury all these flavors? To forget all that happened? This is the best decision, although I know it will be very difficult to live.

However, it seems like I can no longer endure this pain. I then lowered my face to hide the tears that had been dripping down my face.

'Lord, why is my life today filled with sorrow and tears? Can't I feel happiness? Even if for a minute? But how can I be happy if the love I feel turns out to be a mistake and a sin?' I muttered while wiping away these tears before they knew I was crying right now.

"Papa, Mama, I'm a little dizzy. I went into the room first" I said before hearing Papa and Mama's answer to Darren's plan, because I was sure Papa and Mama would agree to it. Yes, before Papa and Mama did tell Kak Darren to study in Australia, but Kak Darren did not want to and chose to study here only, maybe because he did not want to be far from me, he said, why am I suddenly so confident?

"Dizziness? Are you sick Shakila?" mama Aini asked with a very anxious look on her face.

"Oh well, just rest, baby," said Mama Aini.

I then left them just like that, as I walked towards my room by accident I glanced at Kak Darren who was looking at me. Ah that look in the eye, I will definitely miss that look in the eye.

I am currently in the room, then walk to the balcony and cry.

'Is this not what I really want? Why does it feel like I can't even imagine it? How do I feel about living my life without seeing his face? Without seeing the smile on his lips, and without feeling the warm gust of his breath? Am I capable? Oh my God, may I choose to be selfish even if only for a moment? Oh Lord, just this time allow me to feel the greatest sin of my life, just this time, allow me to be free to love my brother. Just this once God, ' I murmured while closing my eyes.

I took a deep breath and then breathed it out. Slowly, I opened my eyes and when I opened these eyes, Darren was already in front of me.

Why is he suddenly on the balcony of my room? I don't know if I don't want to think about it, all I have in my mind right now is wanting to feel my selfishness, my stupidity and my biggest sin.

Seeing that smile, I could no longer bear the turmoil in my heart. I hugged him and let my body fall into his warm embrace.

"Sister," I said softly.

"Why are you crying? Don't cry, Shakila. Your cry will only make me feel more broken."

I was silent, my lips felt so faint, even just to answer the question. "Shakila!" call Brother Darren again.

"Do you really want to go, brother?"

"Isn't that what you want? It's the only way to forget all the feelings that are in my heart for you."

"But.." I said restrained. I think my tongue is getting worse.

"There's no other way, Shakila. There is no other way, this is the only way. And I have to learn to let go and let go."

"Not just you, but me, brother."

"What do you mean?"

"I love you too, brother. Love you so much" I said sobbing. Hearing my words Brother Darren also tightened his embrace on me.

"Do you really love me?" asked Brother Darren who was currently also shedding tears. I can only nod my head because to say the word "Yes" is already so painful.

Finally, I ventured to raise my face. "Sister, can you stay here? Can we continue this sin?"