Black Blue

Episode 37's

"Shena, when do you want to give your son a name, nduk?"

"Two weeks, ma'am, finished puerper. All right, let me not bother too much."

"Have his name?"

"Already, Mom."

Mom smiled and let out a long sigh, then Mom took both of my hands.

"No word from your husband yet?"

I just shook my head slowly. I rubbed the cheek of my baby who was sleeping soundly on my lap.

"Mom knows it's hard, but you have to strengthen your heart yes, nduk."

I shed tears when I heard Mom's words. I realized, everyone would think the same as Mom. Leon may not be coming home.

I saw my baby start to tease and whine, I knew he must have felt what I felt. We went through this just the two of us, he must have missed his father too.

"Not crying, nduk. Your son can cry too." answered mother calms me down.

I put my baby on the bed and I put my head on Mom's lap. I broke my cry there, I need a place to lean on right now, I'm really tired.

"Shena has to, Mom. What would she have to do if Leon didn't come back?" Mom just stroked my head, calming.

"Patience, Honey. Pray that your husband will be fine there."

"No leads whatsoever, ma'am. All Shena roads are dead-end. Shena how is it?" My cries started to explode, and so did my baby who was fussing.

"Shena, you need to calm down, son. Look at your baby crying." Mom quickly held my baby and tried to calm him down.

While I was, still crying, hiding my face in bed. I felt the warm caress of Mom's hand caressing my hair.

"You must be strong, son. Do not fall down with your sadness, this has all become the provisions above. You must be strong and sincere."

I was still carried away in my cries, Mother was right, but in reality this was much heavier than it seemed. I have to be able to bear this wound myself, how I can raise my own baby.

Tega you mas, how could you let me like this. You left me with all the memories that slowly kept stabbing me until I kept getting hurt. You let me feel this pain on my own, how my shoulders can carry it themselves.

How's mas?

Help me, please help me.

***

Today I did a haircut and a name-giving, but here I am still alone.

It's been forty days of Leona's birth, but Leon hasn't returned.

I purposely named my little angel Leona Kyra Mc.Kanzee. Because indeed he is very similar to Leon mas, his lips, nose, chin, and also his eyes. Only her cheeks are cabi like me.

His little hands are starting to hold my fingers, you should see, Kyra is already big. I repeatedly asked the news by the hospital, but the results were still not there.

The hospital also lost news about the two talented Doctors. I can what? I can only pray for you, may you come back, will live or die.

When the guests came and asked me where my baby's father was. I can only smile bitterly. I can't answer anything, because there's no answer I can give.

Your time is up there when are you coming home?

The days passed, the moon changed, but I still waited here. Every second, when Leona cried I cried here, it was so hard to take care of Leona alone.

I just stared at the empty bed next to me in the morning. I can't tell you how tired it is to take care of the baby, I have nowhere to share this tiredness.

No one listens to stories every time Leona grows up. Where should I tell you? No husband or father could notice the two of us.

We went through the pain just the two of us, we went through the dinginya the other night. We need support, we need someone to protect us. But where are you mas?

Where're you?

Every prostration, my prayer mat is always wet with tears, every moment, every second even until now my eyes continue to be flooded by this clear circle. Where should I look for you?

Can I expect you to come back even if the odds are very small.

Where else do I have to run, like what else is the wound you have to inflict?

I just want to see you, even if it's just your body I want to see it.

So I can find a reason, so I can find a way. How and what I have to endure. passing through all this burden of injury, I can go crazy mas.

I put Leona in her baby basket, she was so fussy all day. Fortunately his growth went well, his weight continued to rise and his body was also getting stockier.

Four months Leona's been in this world, which means six months already your father's gone without any news. You must be a strong woman, baby, do not be like a mother who always cries waiting for your father to come home.

You must be an independent woman, you must be able to take care of yourself later.

Don't be like this mama, you're late loving your father, son. If you open your heart faster, you will be born with a father next to you. I'm sure you'll always be there for your growth, son.

I'm sorry mom, sorry you had to be born from my mom's womb son, sorry mom had to give birth to you in this state. Sorry you had to be born prematurely, and sorry you had to be born without your father.

It's all mama son's fault, mama who can't keep you and your dad here.

It's been six months but my tears never seem to dry up to cry for you, Slowly but surely, you kill me. You paralyzed every nerve of mine, so all I could do was cry and keep crying.

I blinked my eyes when I saw Leona who had started to squirm her body.she was always fussy when I cried, I decided to take care of my dirty clothes and Leona. I unknowingly dropped my savings book.

I see the nominal listed in my savings account has been much reduced.The hospital has not paid the salary of Leon mas from three months ago. Leon's stint was supposed to end three months ago.

I took a deep breath and I put my ass on the bed. I saw Leona who was fast asleep in a baby basket.How can I connect to life, if I work, then Leona how?

Leona is too small to live at work, but if not at work how should I stay alive?

There's no way I'm bothering you and Mom anymore, since three months ago I've not given Shine and Shima tuition fees anymore.

Shine works in a photo studio as a photographer. Oh my God, how should I?

I'm scratching my head.

"Mother." Shine's voice mengangetkan my daydream.

"What else is it?" Her question passed in and kissed Leona's tiny cheek.

"Sir, you want to be holy again, you take care of Kyra for a moment."

"Yes yes." answered him, who still kissed my baby.

"Don't stay in the squid, he'll wake up fussy again. The one who can't work."

"Hem." he replied, still stubbornly kissing leona.

Indeed, if there are twins, Leona is done for them. But I'm really helped by having them both here.

I immediately cleaned up my house that was like a broken ship, while someone was guarding Leona and she fell asleep, my chance to make it clean.

Half a day I clean this house and stay while cooking lunch. My lyrics to the clock on the wall already showed at eleven in the afternoon. I hurried to cook before Leona woke up again.

"Sir, I went yes, there was a photo shoot in the studio. It's okay, right?"

"Kyra's still asleep?"

"He's still such a henchman, being kissed isn't waking up either."

"Yes, be careful."

"Yes, I'm afraid there's nothing on my phone."

I held my thumb and smiled. Then Shine passed away, I immediately prepared lunch and washed some of Leona's clothes. Like a sunny day, I have to hurry.

Before sunning the clothes I did not feel good because from earlier I did not hear Leona in the slightest. I walked quickly to the room to give ASI to my baby, but the baby basket was empty. Leona's not in the box. Where's she?

where'd it go?

No, no, oh my God, no more, don't take anyone else in my life.