Black Blue

Episode 3

"Mas .. you-" I haven't finished a sentence yet.

"I'm serious, Shena" he said seriously.

"But, Mas. I do, I mean, we ..." Confused to say how?

Leon took a deep breath. His breathing sounded heavy. I was silent, I could not understand his words. Even in my dreams I never imagined this day.

"I know we don't know each other very well. I'm not asking you to answer it now either."

"But you're not wrong?"

"I'm really serious, Shena. I've loved you a long time ago, when we first met."

"Mas a-a-I .. I." I don't know what to answer. It's messy, that's how I feel right now.

A heart that is not upset and faced with reality like this. If the one in front of me was Randy I would have answered 'Yes', but in reality the one before me right now was someone else.

Why am I expecting him? He is not a good man either. Awake, Shena. Don't blind your mind to love.

"Don't make this a burden, Shena. Whatever your answer will be, I will accept."

Yes, the time he said it was easy. How am I?

How do I feel?

What is my heart too?

"I just want to convey the taste I've been keeping for years, Shen."

I saw Leon's face so sad. We accidentally saw each other's eyes. For a moment the atmosphere became increasingly awkward.

Silence, that was the atmosphere between us.

"Yasudah .. we go home yuk, Shen."

I nodded and got out of the cafe chair. It only took me fifteen minutes to get to my house. But somehow the atmosphere in the car makes my distance feel very long.

All the way I just looked out the car window, Leon didn't say a word either.

I opened the car door and immediately tracked down the cobblestone road in front of my house. I want to go to the room and sleep, hopefully tomorrow morning everything will be back to how it was. I hadn't gotten in yet, I heard the conversation of my mother and twin sister.

"Mom" called Shima softly to the woman sitting in front of the sewing machine.

"Opo, Nduk?" asked the mother whose eyes were still struggling with the cloth that lay on the sewing machine.

"Next year Shima graduated. Shima wants to go to the University where Mama went to college, yes, ma'am."

I heard the sound of my breath from my mother.

"Where yes, Nduk. Mom and dad can't afford to pay for both of you'll go to college." Shima's face began to frown at Mother's reply.

"So I just graduated High School, Mom?"

"What's wrong, Shima. I'll get a job so you can go to college" said Shine, Shima's twin sister.

"Mommy does have a deposit of money, but I want to use the money to continue your Ma'am college first. It's okay, yes," persuaded Mother gently.

"It's okay, Shima. I'll work on your tuition, yeah." Entertain Shine.

Oh, my God, I can't bear to see my twin sisters have to work and not continue college. It's enough that I drop out of college and work, not my twin sisters. They have to go to college and live better than me.

I turned it over and I still see Leon's car parked on the street in front of my house. I don't know why it feels like this step is light heading there.

I knocked on the window of his car, and I bent down. Mas Leon lowered the window glass and took out a bit of his face. He made his face to face with me from a very close distance. Even the fragrance of her hair gel can be smelled by me.

Masya Allah .. so beautiful your creation is O Lord. Every inch of her face you create with beauty. I can even see the color of her slightly bluish eyeballs. A nose that is so sharp as a slide, a thin upper lip and a split chin. His face which is more dominant in Europe compared to Asia adds its own charm from his face.

"What's up, Shen? something is missing, right?"

"not mas. But-" I hung up my sentence.

"What's wrong?" tanyanya's confused.

Back the scent of his parfumen disturbed the serenity of my nose. Keeps me going in and trapped by that fragrance.

"You ... you ... Mas, you dare not speak directly to the father about your intentions, Mas?" I closed my mouth with both hands. What did I just say?

"Alright," replied Leon lightly without burden.

Oh my God what did I just say? For a moment I was stunned by Leon's face. The fragrant smell of Leon's body that is in line with the smell of his hair gel makes me more and more into his charm.

It was like there was magic from her scent that made me unconscious with my words.

Leon took a breath and immediately got out of his car. Like he had prepared everything.

I followed Leon's quick steps, tracking down the rocks in my yard. How'this? My heart kept wondering, what should I do now?

Leon said his greetings as soon as he arrived at the door of the house. Sounds authenticated from inside the house and before long Mom came out and let Leon in.

While I was following my father who was relaxed at the dinner table, asked to join my mother and Leon.

I prepared some warm tea and some cookies. The voices of father and father Leon chatted lightly. I can't believe father and father Leon are that familiar.

I served tea and cookies on the table. The atmosphere was quiet when I came. Leon sipped a little tea, and I saw his knees trembling slightly.

"What's this, Tumben want Leon to play here?" asked the Father, when he saw the expression on Leon's face that began to tense.

"I want to just silatuhrahmi sir, sorry if the time is not right," he replied politely.

"That's okay, you're relaxed too. Wasn't that the day Leon went to study abroad, huh? Where's that name? Lando, Lando what's that?"

"London, sir."

"Yes that, understand the father of the village Nak, so do not understand."

Mas Leon smiled slightly, but his face still looked extremely tense.

"When are you coming home, son?" keep Father. Habits, you often ask a lot of people.

"There were two years ago, sir."

"Oh, jeh. How's your aunt doing?"

"Thank God be good, sir. Loh .. not his father is still a security guard there huh?"

"Huh.hh. Yes, I forgot." Forgive me Father, that time is so senile.

"Eh, please drink the tea, son. Forgot my dad."

Leon took a sip of his tea, and I saw his hand tremble a little.

"Sorry before, sir, if I'm disrespectful, I mean here .. hmmm .. hmmm-" Mas Leon looked at me, as if stopping his heart as he looked into his eyes.

"What's up, kid? How confused is that?" The face of my father was also confused.

"I'm here with good intentions, wanting to propose to your daughter."

My hand cooled. Like there was water pouring down on my heart, I knew what Leon meant, but I didn't expect him to be this serious.

I saw the faces of Father and Mother began to be confused mixed with shock. They looked at each other, I knew they were no less confused than me. They've known Randy for a long time as my girlfriend. Why did someone else come to propose to me?

"Look son, I'm up to Shena. After all he will live it, but you don't know, if all this time Shena has a relationship with Nak Leon?"

"No sir, me and Shena have never been in contact. I just met Shena today, after five years, sir."

Father's face was increasingly confused after hearing Leon's statement. How could Leon propose to a woman he doesn't even know very well?

"Look, Son. Does Leon know? Shena has a boyfriend? Yeah, I don't want any trouble between you and Shena's boyfriend."

"Shena, we broke up with Randy, sir," I said. Explain this situation.

"Actually I've loved Shena, sir. But I realized I was just a student. There's nothing I can give to a child, Father."

Leon sipped a little of his tea. Take a breath and continue the sentence.

"Because of that, I never said anything, sir. I am now working and have my own income. Although not much, but Insha Allah is enough to support Shena, sir."

I took a pretty long breath. You look at me as if you want to ask me my opinion on this matter.

Mom took both of my hands that I was squeezing. Like understanding my anxiety.

"Sir." Mother's soft voice resuscitated me.

How'this? That was what was in my mind. Should I accept?

"Nmh ... Sir, Ma. No need to rush-"

"I accept, sir," I said, deciding upon Leon's words.

"I agreed to marry Leon's mas," I said.

I must consequently speak the same words. Obviously I invited Leon in. I have to take responsibility for the bait I threw myself.

I saw the faces of Father and Mother surprised, obviously I was no less surprised. But this is already done, I can no longer retreat.

"Alhamdulillah." His voice came from Leon's mouth.

His lips grinned, smiling with satisfaction. Mom and Dad just smiled. Soon enough, Leon returned home. Because the night is getting late. He'll be back Sunday afternoon to propose to me officially.

I lay my body on the bed. Staring at the ceiling of the room, still vividly remembered the events of today.

It doesn't make sense in my mind.

My heart is currently injured, like it has not let out pain anymore.

***

I saw the clock on the wall, showing at half-three in the afternoon. I heard a loud noise from outside the house.

I saw from the window of the room, sure enough, the sound of aunty Ranti and her family had arrived.

As promised, Leon will come this Sunday afternoon to formally propose to me.

The event also went according to estimates. The date of the wedding has been determined, all the wedding and wedding reception, Aunt Ranti who takes care of it.

I cleaned up the dirty dishes from the rest of the show. I feel very tired. Not only my body, my heart and my mind are also very tired. For days I could not fall asleep and eat well. This event always bothered my mind.

Curse the phone and see the clock on the phone screen shows ten o'clock at night. There hasn't been a single message and phone call from Randy since we broke up.

Maybe he's got my replacement. It's not a big thing to break up with me, he can find a replacement quickly. Not to mention breaking up, he also got my replacement.

What else do I expect? I've been at someone else's sermon right now.

'Please, Shena. Control your heart and mind. Don't embarrass Mom and Dad later. You must be able to steady your heart to leave your past behind, I murmured inwardly.

I continued to scold myself, just to calm the feelings of anxiety that I had felt in the past few days.

I just realized that even until now I have nothing to store Leon's cell phone number. Oh God what kind of marriage is this?

***

Cold sweat has poured down my bride's light green kebaya. I walk the stairs of the beautiful and luxurious mosque one by one.

I walked into the mosque. They had gathered all together in the mosque. I sat down on the women's side.

There was a table and some wedding parcels in front of me. While Mr. Leon, Mr. Penghulu and several witnesses sat around the table.

Mild gripping while melting the tension of Leon mas.

I looked deeply into Leon's face. Not feeling the tears falling down the cheeks. If it were Randy, I would be the happiest bride.

If Randy were here, if Randy ...

ah come on, there's no point thinking about him anymore.

Why should I always expect it? Obviously, the one sitting in front of me is much better physically than Randy. But I don't know what his nature is, maybe better? Or even worse.

I don't know, I hope he's a good guy. He hasn't talked to me much. The words that had come out of his mouth all this time were always gentle and soothing. Hopefully his nature will not change after ijab later.

Ready and unprepared, but what can I do. There's no way I'm gonna stop this, I'm gonna be ashamed of you and Mom. But what if he hurts me later?

Too many things I thought about, made my heart fidget by itself.

Wanting to scream my heart said I wasn't ready. But why do I regret? It's my decision, right?

Just go through everything, after this everything will be fine, right?

Hopefully, everything will be fine. I hope I didn't choose the wrong life partner. People say choosing a life partner is not easy. I'd be sorry if my partner wasn't a good guy.

I didn't even have time to do istikharah, I was in too much of a hurry to accept his proposal. God, will I regret this marriage?