Black Blue

Episode 19's

After saying that Leon mas out of the room, he slammed the door a little harder. I never thought there was such a side in Leon.

It's been almost a year, but I still don't know who my husband is. There was another trait behind the calm and gentle demeanor he had.

So many puzzles in him, I really can't read anything about him.

After crying, I got up from my seat, my parents were outside, but they didn't want to bother me.

I wiped my tears, I opened the door to my room and I saw only Mom and Shine. I walked over to Mom and Shine who were sitting at the dinner table.

My eyes looked around, looking where Shima and Dad were.

Maybe you brought Shima home and talked to her in private, Dad, he's a great guy.

Meanwhile, Leon, he was sitting alone on a park bench next to our house. I could see Leon's mas from the dining table, because half the kitchen wall was also decorated with glass.

I approached Mom and Shine, I pulled a chair and I grabbed Mom's hand on her lap.

"Mom, I'm sorry ya." I took Mom's cold hand.

"Mother's sorry, Nduk. I don't know if Shima can do that. You and Shine are so soft." Mom squeaks her forehead.

"That's it, Mom. Don't be ignored anymore. It's for Shine and Shima's college tuition, ma'am." I gave you an envelope with some money.

"No need, Nduk. Mom's already got savings for their college tuition. I don't want to trouble you and Leon's son to keep on."

"Yes, mom. I also work in a photo studio. I'll get a scholarship too. Let's not burden Mom with Dad again."

"Don't, Shine. You should focus on your college. Don't work while in college, don't want your concentration disturbed."

"I can, ma'am. I'm a man anyway, ma'am. I also want to succeed in my own efforts. I also want to be independent."

"Please focus on your lecture, Shine. You must have a good life. You can make Mom and Dad proud of you. Don't worry about money first."

"I promise you, I can definitely focus on my lessons. Partly being a photographer is also not too bother, Ma'am."

"Do you want to drop out of college like Ma'am, Shine? Do you want your time to be divided, you'll be overwhelmed by Shine."

"Mother." Shine took my hand.

"Do you want to say that you are not capable now? You can be better than me, right?"

"That's not it, O God... I'm just saying, I'm a madman. I want to be able to finance myself, Ma'am. Shame I mbak, I'm an adult, Ma'am." said Shine who weakened his tone.

"Just follow your mother's words, she's been trying so hard for you both." Mom told Shine.

Shine sighed and nodded.

Shine does have a very good nature, she is submissive and also gentle. Shima is also submissive but sometimes she has the stubbornness that rocks.

After noon Mom and Shine said goodbye to go home, I kissed Mom's cheek before they came home.

I cleaned up the rest of the lunch and washed some clothes. I saw Leon sitting glued to a park bench.

I took a deep breath and went back to drying my clothes.

I wanted to get close to her, but I also felt annoyed with her. He doesn't have to respond like that either, I'll tell him about Randy even if it's hard.

Why didn't he try to do that, why had he kept the matter tight?

I don't know, it's up to you.

Dusk had changed the night, but Leon was still sitting outside. He just went in for prayers and to the bathroom. He didn't eat anything from before. Even I was just having lunch with Mom and Shine earlier, I offered to eat just saying I wasn't hungry.

What did I say until he had to be like that?

Is it wrong to ask my husband for an excuse?

I saw her from behind the kitchen glass, I touched her face through this glass.

Why are you so far away, like there's a wall between us I can't break.

You can see, you're even very close.

Sometimes I feel like I know you very well, Mom.

But there's always a side to you that makes you a stranger to me.

I decided to clean up the dining table when I saw the late night. Maybe this time Leon won't eat.

Already from the morning he was like that, he was like fighting on his own mind.

His face looked lethargic and squishy, occasionally he ruffled his hair and his eyes kept staring blankly.

After cleaning the dining table, I decided to go back to the room.

I sat on my bed and I played my phone in my hand. Not long ago, Leon entered with very red eyes. He leaned his body against the side of the mattress wall. I didn't even dare to look at him.

As soon as the atmosphere became quiet, we spent a few minutes in silence.

I was still busy with my salary, while Leon was still staring blankly ahead.

I sighed and I put my phone on the nightstand.

I tried to change my seat and face Leon.

"Mas." I called him soft.

He just turned his face towards me.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked while holding her cheek.

He just shook his head slowly, he took my hand that touched his cheek, and kissed my palm.

"Did I hurt you? did I offend you? I'm sorry, ma'am" I said without pause.

Leon just shook his head. He pulled me and hugged me tightly. Put his face on his shoulders.

I can only stroke her shoulders gently, I let her be this way for a while.

Then I pulled her and I held her face with both hands. I saw his eyes looking down with his face.

"Mas... What's up?"

"I don't know, Shena. Do I have to tell you this?" said lethargic.

"Slowly, mas. Tell me slowly."

Leon looked at me softly. Like there was a wound he wanted to convey from the look of his eyes.

"It's too hard for me, Shena. My past is too bitter to remember" he said.

I lifted my head so I could look him in the eye.

"Mas, is that so hard? If it's heavy, share it with me."

Leon hugged my body tightly. I sighed, should I force it?

He never forced me to tell a story that was hard for me to tell. But I'm so curious about your past.

I re-expressed the wound, I held her shoulders together so she could stand up.

"Mas... Mas. Look at me." I held back his face.

"Do I still look foreign to you?" he looked into my eyes sad.

I rubbed her face gently and kissed her forehead.

I lay down and pulled my blanket.

Mas Leon was still glued to his bed, his face was sad, his eyes cold. I don't know, I'm curious but there's no way I'm forcing her.

"Shena, are you mad at me?"

"No, mas. Let's go to sleep."

"Shena, does this matter to you?" said carefully.

I sat back on my bed and sighed.

"What is the importance of me? If you don't want to tell me I don't matter."

"What do you mean, Shena?"

"I don't want to force you, ma'am. So what do I do, Mom? I'm confused to determine your attitude." said I who began to be confused to face this situation.

"If it's important to you, just say it. I'll try to tell you. Even if it's hard for me."

"Alright, tell me slowly. If you feel heavy, then just stop the story."

Leon leaned back against the wall. His eyes stared blankly back.

For a moment he was silent, like daydreaming about something.

He took a deep breath and exhaled it, again he repeated it several times.

Really, maybe this is too hard for him.

"I don't know where to begin, this wound is too deep for me to remember."

"Mas." I held her hand tightly, unable to see her face like this.

"Shena, I'll explain" he said.

"But if it's heavy, there's no need for it."

"I know, you must have been curious all along, right, Shena."

"Yes, Mas. But..." Leon looked at me coldly. I don't want to continue my sentence anymore, when Leon looks at me like that.

"Sera.. it ... Louissera Mc.Kanzee."

"Mc.Kanzee?" kataku shocked.

For a moment I thought, Mc.Kanzee...

"Mc.Kanzee, that's your surname right, Mas." I'm a little surprised, I just know Leon, I never knew there was another family.

Leon nodded softly, he placed his head against the wall he had sent earlier.

His eyes glared far, far into a time that might be difficult for him to reveal.

"Sera my sister, Shena." Leon's voice sounded heavy.

I was stunned to hear that word. Means Leon's not an only child like I've heard all along.

God, what have I been thinking about all this time?

Why don't I think Leon has a brother.

"Mas... Well, where is he now? Don't you want to know me as him?"

Mas Leon looked at me pusher, his eyes began to condense, but he held it back. If he blinks maybe those tears will fall soon.

"You want to meet him? He is currently in France. With my parents."

I scrunched my forehead to hear that sentence. When she said that, she said as if her brother was dead.

Or maybe it's gone already?

I held my forehead because of my stupidity. Geez, what Leon is feeling right now.

He just stared blankly up, maybe deliberately so that his tears did not fall.

"Mas." I pulled his head and I buried it in my shoulder.

I hugged the big body of Leon. The more he's like this the more I want to know about his past, the more I want Leon to no longer keep anything from me.

I gave him room to shed all his weight, but Leon was stronger than I expected. He did not cry at all, he just buried his face without a sound.

Before long he broke out my embrace and wiped the edge of his eyes that were probably watering from the dew of tears earlier.

"It's over, I'll tell you. But you're patient waiting for me to tell you a story." he said.

I just nodded and I put my head on his chest. Waiting for him to open his voice.

He was more silent and sighed, the heaviness of his breath.

"He's not just a sister to me, Shena. It's everything, it's my world" he said in a voice that began to hoarse.

Leon fell silent again, as if he was composing word for word. It was like he was telling his past story.

"Mas, tell me everything. Tell me about your past, be it happy or sad. I'm always here, my mom, next to you." I said trying to convince her.

"If it's too heavy, tell me what's happy first, Mas." I'll call him when I see he's looking at me blankly.

"That sera, my friend, my friend, my enemy and also my mother, Shena. We grew up together, sometimes we fought and sometimes we laughed together. Our relationship is more beautiful than any brother."

Mas Leon let out a long sigh, there was a bitter smile that adorned his face.

"Sera and I fought a lot. I always pissed him off. I always came out of the bathroom with my hair still wet, I used to have long hair, so the water from my hair would wet the entire floor. I ran along the corridor of my house, and as Sera walked she would slip. His lips will curl and chase me."

Mas Leon smiled wryly, and his eyes were still staring far into the past.

"You know, Shena. Sera is a very smart girl, she is also very strong. He always hid his weight in front of me. He was always patient in dealing with all my behavior, even though there was a burden that he carried on his shoulders."

"Sera loves touching my hair, she always dries my hair and sometimes grabs my hair. I'd be so mad if she held my hair, I'd be so mad when someone else touched me my hair, Shena."

Leon fell silent again, this time long enough he stayed pensive. I could only wait for him to reopen his voice.

"Sera had a soothing eye view, her smile so warm at heart. Sera was very soft, her speech was very soft, her body fragrant soft, and her treatment was also gentle. Sera is like light, he is able to make my world brighter than the sun."

As Leon looked at me and stroked my head, I felt his hands begin to shake.

"Just like you, Shena. Sera looks a lot like you. Your eyes are so soothing, your smile so warm. Everything in Sera I found in you. When I first saw you, I kind of went back to finding Sera in my life. You're like the replacement light Sera sent me."

For a moment I was silent to Leon's words. So that's why Leon fell for me. Because I'm a piece of the past he misses.

If I had nothing in common with Sera, could she have looked at me?

Is Leon still looking at me as Sera?

Is that why he never asked me for his right?

Because he only thinks of me as his brother?

I'm just a substitute?

Can't Leon see me as myself?