Black Blue

Episode 20's

The more questions that came from my mind, I was kind of upset by the similarities between me and Sera.

"Sera is a strong girl, she never complains. He never cried. He always smiles whatever is going on. But that night I saw you cry, you complain and you sometimes show me who you are. That's what made me realize, you and Sera are so different, so far away."

After I fought my own thoughts, Leon seemed to know my heart. He answered very accurately about my heart.

"You're not Sera protecting me, but you're Shena that I have to protect. The more I get to know you the clearer the difference between you and Sera. Perhaps, a part of you is indeed very similar to Sera, but that is not what made me choose you, Shena. Although it was originally Sera who pulled me to you."

"I know, Mas. I know." I took Leon's hand and squeezed it hard.

"I'm a very naughty sister, Shena. I like to piss him off, I want to see him angry. But he was never angry, he just shook his head and smiled sweetly. Show me her deep dimples. He used to tell me 'Zack till when are you like this? I'm tired of looking at you like this." Leon's eyes stared blankly ahead. I saw her smile so deeply harboring wounds.

"Sera is very clever, Shen. He has an above average IQ. I just found out later, that Papa's preparing him to be the heir to Mc.Kanzee's business. Papa wants him to take care of our family business. But she refused, because she had her own dreams.

I didn't understand anything at the time, I was 11, and Sera was 16 at the time. But at that age he was preparing to enter university."

"The night before he left, he said to me 'Zack you have to grow up to be an amazing man, someday I will hug and praise you if you can be a great man.' he spoke while ruffling my hair at that moment."

"I didn't understand anything back then, Shena. I didn't know it was the last night I talked to him, arrogantly I answered his question. That I'll fly a plane, I'll be in the clouds, you won't be able to hold my hair anymore. I'll be Captain Pilot Leon Zack Mc.Kanzee.

I didn't know it was the last night he held my hair, I really hate it when someone ruffled my hair first." Leon's voice rattled, his eyes began to spit out clear tears.

"And when I woke up in the morning, he was gone. Mama said she went after her dream. He did not want to take care of the family businessMc.Kanzee, he had his own dream, and his dream was to become a Doctor. He wanted to save many lives from his hands. Her soft hands that she used to stroke my hair."

"I felt so lost at the time. Days change weeks, weeks change months, and months change years. But he never came home, I tried to correct my mistakes, I tried not to make any mistakes.

So that he would not get bored at home because of me. I hoped that he would come home and never leave again. But fate said another, after 2 years of his departure, papa knew that he was in Indonesia. Mom and Dad went to bring her home. But that day was so bleak for me to remember Shena, it was too bitter for me to swallow."

Leon began to bow his head, I pulled his body and I hugged him tightly.

Slowly her tears began to spill, soaking my pajamas.

"But they never came back again, not only did Sera, papa and mama not come back either. They never came back as long as I waited for them. I've turned into a good anank, but they never came home, Shena.

They left, left me alone, with nothing. They took everything from me, how hard I begged them never to come back, Shena."

Mas leon's voice sounded very sad, he was crying until his large body shook.

I grabbed his face and I removed the clear circles that adorned his handsome face.

"Yes, don't tell me anymore. I don't want to see you hurt like this.

as Leon drew my head, he placed his chin on top of my head. His hands were tightly wrapped around my body. After a sigh Leon continued his story again.

"After the funeral was over, the Mc.Kanzee family began to fall apart. They fought each other to take care of me. With business goals that they will be able to master. Power struggles everywhere, quarrels and murders happen in my house.

I saw a lot of blood, in every corner of my house, all of it was blood. I smell blood everywhere. That house became hell for me. The sweet memories with Sera slowly turned into a nightmare. The fragrant aroma of Sera's smell turned into the fishy smell of blood. They're erasing my happy memories. They buried everything about Sera in my memory, Shena. That house is so creepy even for me to remember."

Mas Leon let go of his embrace and looked at my face. Slowly his eyes turned into hatred.

"I'm just like someone who waits for time, waiting for me to be executed by them."

Leon's face suddenly changed.

"They couldn't kill me back then, because I was a minor. Because if I die then papa's business will be handed over to the state. So they're waiting for me to be 21 to take over."

"I decided to go back to Indonesia, before they buried me with Sera there.

I ran away from France when I was 18, I came here with one wish. I can take the rest of the memories Sera left here. I took Sera's dream that was once abandoned her, I tried to continue her dream."

"For him to know, that I can be an amazing man. So that he would return to my side even if only for a moment. But what I said was true happened, Sera never ruffled my hair again, even though I'm asking for it now."

"When Aunt Ranti found me, there was fear all over my body. I'm afraid Aunt Ranti is like the Mc.Kanzee family, the trauma they've caused me is so devastating, Shena. Even today, I still remember the smell of blood.

I'm trying to find refuge and try to get along with your father.

Your father, a very friendly man, told me a lot about your family, including you. And I found Sera in you, the first time I saw you, I felt your gaze very reassuring, your gentle attitude towards you was very similar to Sera. I found the second light of my life."

"I'm trying to get close to you, but I'm having a hard time, because I'm afraid of new people. I was afraid to chat with other people at that time, any shadow about past events made me afraid, even in contact with people. I often watch you from afar, and I see you're comfortable with someone else. So I retreated slowly and left with your memories. That's enough for me."

"I was gone for years, and when I came back I saw you crying. At that time I realized, you and Sera are different, Sera never cried even in the deepest wounds.

You're the new light of my life, and I don't want to see that light dim just because of love.

I wanted to protect you, but I took away your happiness."

Incredibly, you are a smart man to hide your feelings.

"The years I have pursued Sera's dream, I have survived in my dreams, and one day Sera will call me and say that I have become an amazing man. But how hard I tried, Sera was only in my imagination."

"I was willing to trade anything just for Sera's embrace, I was willing to spend my time, abandon my dream, just for the sake of a compliment from Sera.

I've lost my pearl, I'm just a shell with no contents. Those who see my shell think I am hard, but when they open it, there is only emptiness. A sad emptiness. I'm empty, Shena."

"The shell that lost its pearl is meaningless, it will only be seen from one place, to another."

"But the shell will turn beautiful when found by the hands of an artist, mas. The shells are only removed when they are in the wrong hands. And you've proven that the shell can turn into something precious, Mas."

Leon was looking at me, maybe he was digesting every word I said.

"I really hate the smell of blood, Shena. But my job every day should be to see and smell the blood. I don't care that, for Sera's dream I forgot my dream. For the sake of realizing Sera's delayed dream I killed my dream. Just for a word 'you're amazing, Zack. You're great'. Which I might never listen to at any time. I'm tired, Shena, so tired. This wound bled and continued to bleed again as I went through this profession."

Leon broke his body and put his head on my lap. Her tears kept flowing.

"Every day I see a child lose his mother, a mother who loses her child, a widow, or an orphaned child.

As hard as I am to carry out this work, for the sake of the child who needs his Mother, for the sake of the Wife so as not to become a widow, for the sake of the families of others so that they may remain complete.

So that there are no more children like me, so that there is no more sister who laughs and cries alone so that there are no more wounds that cut their hearts, because of the loss of her family.

So that no more children are camped from one place to another."

"For the sake of Sera's dream of saving the lives of many others, I killed my dreams, I left my dreams, I threw them away from my expectations."

"But what? I am not God, I am a doctor. I can't give my life, to take their place."

"That has to go will still go, mas! Not our will, but God's. Everything will keep going on its own axis. If no one leaves, no one will come."

Mas Leon was silent again, now the clear circle was no longer showing its presence.

"Maybe Shima wants to continue your never-ending dream. Or he sees his dream with you. The love of a sister is very real. But the affection of a sister is invisible, sometimes not felt. Though there is love in fact."

I gently caressed Leon's hair, how could he live so well with a wound like this? I feel so guilty for you.

I've thought all along that your stature is always strong, I've never penetrated your heart. I'm blind, I'm so blind. You bandage your wounds with your sweet smile, you wrap your heart cold with your warm attitude. I've always been lulled with your pretence. I don't know how to repay your treatment.

Your wistful eyes always convey a wound, but I don't care at all. I think when your lips smile it's enough to make you happy. Oh my God, how could he sustain my life with such deep wounds? He tried to protect me from all the pain without him thinking about all the pain he felt.

You're too patient, you've grown so amazing. If I had known for a long time, then I would have been willing to go with you.

I gently stroked Leon's face, he closed his eyes, the back of the circle adorned the corner of his eyes. He took my hand and put it on his chest.

"Thank you, Shena. Thank you for your gentle touch to me. Even if it can't replace Sera's hand."

"Mas, why didn't you tell me about it a long time ago?"

"I've never trusted anyone, I only trust you. But this wound is too heavy to be shared. I always get hurt when I remember. Believe, Shena. For a second I don't want to remember it. There's a pain that's back here."

Leon put my hand over his heart. His heart beat was very hard.

"You're amazing, Mas. You're so great."

"Thank you, Shena! But you and Sera are different. I'm glad to hear from you, but I miss you, Sera."

"I can't replace Sera! but trust me, I can be by your side, to heal your heart's wounds."

I gently caressed her eyes, why was there such a turbulent taste in my chest. I'd love to give her some encouragement, but I don't know how to encourage her.

All this time I depended on him, I took refuge in him. I don't know how to protect her.

I've always propped myself up to her, I don't know how to refute her fragility.

I looked at her face deeply, I could not believe that the face I had seen so far was sweet, a lot of falsehood. I want to melt your heart, but I don't know how.

I put a little bit of my face, I kissed gently on his forehead. The smell of her hair gel is very charming. I removed my lips from her forehead and landed gently on her lips.

Leon's eyes opened wide, but he closed them again. He grabbed the tip of my head and pressed it.

For a moment I opened my eyes and realized, Oh my God, what I'm doing. But I'm not pulling away, I'm afraid Leon will be offended. I let it sit for a while, Leon kissed me. I smell the body scent of Leon mas which smells in tune with the scent of his hair gel. I feel more and more into his charm. The charm is too strong, I am often trapped and imprisoned by this charm.