"My Husband Doesn't Match My Expectations"

When did you change?

Married to a husband with the status of the first child of 6 brothers is not regrettable, from the beginning of the courtship I also already know his status, I am ready and have thought, surely his sister will stay with us, for sure, I also feel Wellcome, because my background with both parents whose status is also the first child of many brothers. I also felt in the care of the aunt of my mother's sister, and my father's sister who was still in school. They stayed with us because the school fees and living expenses were financed by the father.

Dad was just an expedition truck driver outside the city, Jakarta - Medan, his salary was also not much, I really gave a thumbs up for mother to be able to provide enough money given by father for our living expenses. Dad comes home once 14 days, sometimes more, his obstacle if there are no items to be taken, so have to wait for there to be items to be brought. sometimes want to get to 3 weeks new Daddy back, Dad, that moment was the one I was waiting for the father to come carrying by, unloading and unloading my dirty clothes, was also fun because there would always be money living in my shirt pocket or pants pocket. I smiled at my own smile remembering that story, Daddy loves me very much, sometimes makes my 5 brothers feel envious, the reality is that my father is not picky, my father is not, we all went to school and got the same rights. After my father came from out of town, he always took the time to carry me, I was lifted and placed on his shoulders, that moment until I was in 1st grade, Elementary School, because I was always teased by my brother "spoiled son". I was never hit by my father, which is why when my husband played hands with me, I was very sad.

The state of my marriage I never told my mother, let alone my husband who flirted I never told, I was afraid my mother was thinking and sad, let only me know.

Friska has finished the exam for the college entrance test, she immediately returned home, waiting for the announcement of graduating or not graduating 1 month later.

The house was deserted with only my husband, me and my two daughters Dinar and July. Routines as usual, clean up the house, and babysitting, if fussy work I stop for a moment wait for the youngest calm or sleep, then resumed. Husband never want to wash dishes, sweep, sweep, cooking or doing laundry, all by myself. Husband's routine, when work goes in the morning shift, after work at 16:30 until at home briefly carrying children, 10 minutes later, wash your face, wash your face, change clothes further to play the game sitting sweet in front of the computer until dawn at 3, occasionally eating and urinating. If work goes into the afternoon shift, wake up at 8 am, briefly wash your face, continue to play games until 14:00. coming home from work at 00:30 am still placed to play games until dawn at 3 am. When you go to night shift work. Home at 08.30 to the house for a while carrying a child, wash your face, change clothes, continue playing games while smoking, cigarette needs can be up to 2 packs per day with a package price of 20,000

That's my husband's routine, I can imagine my communication to him, sometimes lazy to talk because he focuses on the game and answers as usual. And his relationship to my son is also less close, so if there is a family that almost never seen the child, he will be afraid and cry, always tacky with me, just as his father does not want, he will not be, I also bothered not being able to move in staying undeterred must be crying.

My husband is angry and then hands when the children do not want to be with him, "This is if the child is too pampered", he said full of anger. He did not realize that it was what he planted, he felt it was enough just a moment to hold.there is no inner connection if I think.

"It's spending money", given 500,000 it's all ranging from toiletries, meals, electricity, fare2 go to worship every Sunday. If later in the middle of the month less sometimes given 100,000, asked for it, but if asked "that yesterday was finished apparently", with full of emotion. I just kept quiet and cried in my heart. More cost for his cigarettes every month, even cigarettes in his stock at home, he was more afraid of not smoking than not eating. I pouted and kept quiet.

The husband gets angry and asks" you why", he said angrily. "nothing", I replied. "nothing, but pouting" he asked. "More of your cigarette money, than for the cost of eating, even that must be economical, and eat only potluck" I replied annoyed.

Angrily he replied" What I look like, you want me to go to the coffee shop hanging out there all day, smoking, gambling, drinking. It's gonna cost more to come out if I hang out at the coffee shop, than I'm at home, I have to smoke"he keeps talking like he's right."

You do not know that I smoke, since the first time we dated you already know that I smoke" he said triumphantly

My God is so selfish of my husband, what if the question is returned to me.

I don't need to buy powder, I don't want to be beautiful, salty, shopping to refresh my brain, due to my daily routine, do I not need to be happy.

Most of the shopping money he gave was not for me alone, it was all. He smokes for his personal needs.

That wish is only I know and it seems like there is no need to express it. Maybe it was because he was looking for money, so the money was not wrong for his satisfaction.

Husband never cared about my feelings, even though I was a scholar, I regretted a scholar just as a housewife.

Husbands should be sensitive to the feelings of wives. The wife has sacrificed everything, left the family, left the job to take care of the children. Not considered me??

"Sir, maybe 2 more days of gas running out, rice running out" I said in a soft voice. Afraid that the husband will be angry. "no money", he said ketus. Whereas before he went to work, I had a peek at his wallet, there was 10 pieces of money a hundred thousand. I was saddened to lie when it was not my personal need, for the purpose of eating him too. I kept quiet, and he left for work.

I am emotional and angry, while saying "Dirong-rong ma Aru Arumi" (in the language of the region\=digerogoti lah throats).

A few days passed and the husband complained, "my throat hurts, I'm having a hard time swallowing". "You're sick maybe" I said slowly.

3 days later the husband hoarse voice, as forced to speak, because it is a bit difficult to talk, he also felt more difficult to breathe, especially if in a sleeping position. I asked at first how. 4 days ago I was swallowed by a thorn, like his durian hurt my throat, it might get swollen. For fear of things happening that do not want to be checked by a doctor and on X-rays, it turns out that there is really meat growing in the throat must be operated if it will not clog the breathing, it will not clog the breathing, that's what makes it so hard to breathe.

Like being struck by lightning during the day, I was surprised, the name of the operation was afraid to imagine it too. After being approved by the ENT, neurologist, and internal medicine doctors, agreed to the operating schedule.Kutanda handle the operation approval letter that I accept all the consequences that occur post-surgery, after surgery, trembling and full of fear I handled the letter. I am also afraid of how if something happens that is not desirable, I will definitely blame his family. I prayed in my heart "Lord, I don't want to be a widow, no matter how much my husband is, even though I'm a lot disappointed by his nature but me and my son still need him, launch the operation process if it is far from the things you do not want right". I keep my prayers in my heart.

"The spirit, sir, don't think about it that doesn't, pray that it will be launched", I encourage my husband when he wants to deliver to the operating room. Husband smile.

My son's son went to the hospital, the hospital is like a second home right now. They were always sticky and did not want to be left behind, even though there were female in-laws who accompanied me from the village after we told this news, I could not help but tell, even though they were also very afraid.

After 2 hours of operation and smooth, there is still 1 hour of observation. 2 hours later the husband can be taken to the hospital room. And I asked him if he was okay. It was shown that the growing meat taken from the husband's throat was indeed quite large. Tomorrow we can go home, the husband is better, and the activity is as before. It started working as usual.

This incident does not necessarily make the husband penitent to stop smoking and play games. Not the intention of praying her for woe, the word just came out of her own mouth, because the husband's pain is not understanding.

God is able to change the way of one's mind, may one day the husband knock his heart not to smoke.

Tempramental nature of my husband over time can I compromise, because the husband told me that in the past the in-laws taught them if not according to the wishes of the parents, or make mistakes are indeed mandatory in the belt, wear a belt, wood etc. The male in-laws are also rude and willing to flirt with the female in-laws. I keep quiet when my husband is angry, which I can not compromise if he really likes to demean others. And it was like his unconscious and considered his he was right. That was probably what caused him to be unwilling to change, not realizing his mistake.