"My Husband Doesn't Match My Expectations"

It would be regrettable 'If my Husband could be more patient'

"Hello pa, your granddaughter is born yes, woman" my husband told my in-laws by phone. So did the other siblings including my father and mother the news of the birth of my second child was conveyed by my husband.

Actually getting girls again, I'm less excited, I really hope to get a boy, so I can close the womb, given the economic conditions are still relatively low. It is better to have only 2 children, but the quality means, can support me with nutritious food and of course send her school was not hit by costs, compared to having many children. Still have to be grateful, maybe God's will is not what we think. He said every child has their own sustenance. My 2nd child was born with a weight of 4kg. It's a bit curvaceous compared to my first baby, and the birthing process is also quick.

The next day my in-laws came, day 2 after the birth process, I was still in the hospital, actually he could still stay longer, meaning that I could relax more, he said, if in the hospital her baby is placed in the baby room means still a sister who loves to drink and change her diaper, while if at home I have to suckle her and change her diaper. "Have gone home, at home it is better to take care of it, we also do not bother to go back and forth the hospital" said my in-laws. "It's us coming home today" my husband said. Like suddenly and hunted, even though his birth letter was not finished, still had to come again later to take it. Yes, as always, I can only handle it.

In the house the atmosphere was very hot, because all slept together in the living room, besides my in-laws there was also my first sister-in-law Ria's name with her husband and her in-laws. They want to check the fertility to 2 parties because almost 3 years of marriage is not yet pregnant, even though the difference in our marriage distance is only 5 months apart. My baby is in bedong by in-laws, the bedong is wearing a sarong, put in a baby box, the mosquito net is covered in a sarong, he fussed back and forth, I suckle. immediately sleep, fuss again, in breastfeeding again, fussy again, even though there is no urination or defecation. Until dawn I also can not sleep, already 2 days I can not sleep, somehow there is no drowsiness. Because of being constantly breastfed at close proximity, my baby vomited, probably satiated. I open all the bedongs I wear sober, not too wrapped, my mosquito net cover is open. My baby finally slept comfortably. My in-laws woke up she saw my baby wrap around, my mosquito net cover was open, it seemed like she was angry. "later she caught a cold" my in-laws said, "no ma'am, she threw up" I replied. "That's because of the cold" he said with a frown. I just keep quiet no matter what my in-laws say, not the intention of telling the truth, but we know the real situation.

The next day my in-laws talk to my husband, if my baby gets wind because in a makeshift bed, I just shut up.

Tok.tok.tok the door in the ketok, I immediately rushed to open the door.

Friska sister-in-law no 4 came from the village to try the test to enter the state college. I didn't tell him to work too much, what I could do, I did. I saw that he had washed clothes and washed dishes. Because it was time to cook I took the time to cook, it happened that my 2nd child July was sleeping, Dinar was already more controlled, Dinar was more controlled, at the age of 1 year and 6 months forced him to independently already be able to go to the bathroom by himself to pee, and he was able to sleep at night without having to be in the keloni, like she knows my hassles taking care of her newborn sister.

my husband was just sitting around playing games, because he worked the night shift. Suddenly he was angry "you don't like my brother to live here" he said full of emotion. I'm confused not knowing what to answer. "can you tell Friska to cook, this is all you want to do" said my husband. "She was in the room, it was time for lunch, I didn't feel good telling her" I replied. Increasing his anger" if not like to say it" he said with a loud shout. " That's not what I mean" I answered in a trembling voice. No matter what my defense, my husband is so negatively judging me.

I heard from my mother that Andi was not in college anymore, she often went home yesterday, because she was out of shopping money. I don't know what he did for almost 2 years he was independent without my control. I never went to the boarding house, because I could not think anymore because I was preoccupied with the hassles of taking care of my young son. Andi said she wanted to find a job. Ask Dad to migrate to Jakarta, I don't know why after arriving in Jakarta he immediately asked to go home, "i'm in the village just to stay in the field" he said. I was so sad to hear this news, in vain I did not take care of her school transfer, she said, even though he had entered also a state college (when there were thousands of people wanted to enter the state college but failed the test), really inversely proportional to my sister, already entered the state college but in vain in. If my husband could be more caring and understanding, that's what I regret from my husband. All very difficult to understand, so hurt his heart, or he had no feelings and did not think of his possible future my sister. Nor did he think about how I, my mother, my father, and my other brothers felt. Maybe he was just thinking emotionally, could no longer think logically.

Andi's activities in the village are not there, yesterday tried to farm but banned by Bang Hery (Abang 3ku), afraid to reduce the ration of the part to be managed. Andi just locked himself in the room, smoking very hard, he sometimes maksa to mother to be given money to buy cigarettes, occasionally out of the room to buy cigarettes to the stall, asked, asked, answer it, sometimes it is not answered. Sleeping late at night, sometimes afternoon or evening just waking up. I don't know what his future will be. Whether he was on drugs (i tried to prejudge him), even though my cousin Tono's sister could continue to go to college, whether she did not remind Andi or reprimand him, or the Andi can no longer be reminded. All of those questions are changing in my brain. Almost stress me out.

I told Andi's condition to my husband, he just kept quiet.can only say "Indeed the drug consumption". Oh my God there is no regret for him, a little bit this is because he also does not want to be patient with my brother's behavior, if he continues to live in the house with me, maybe he does not dare drugs, he did not, let this mouth froth to keep in mind that in order for him to go to college, maybe he could finish with a fair value, because I know that Andi is not a stupid fool very much. He was easily eaten by persuading his friends.

I tried to erase all my heartache to my husband, however he was my friend forever. There is no way I can continue to be emotional with him, how I live my life, maybe I can also be stressed. I can only hold my chest.